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    Students Don’t Hit The Books Like They Used To

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    (It is the first week of classes, so the book store is absolutely packed.)

    Student: “Can you help me?”

    Me: “Of course. What do you need?”

    (The student hands me her book list.)

    Student: “Find all of these for me.”

    Have Their Second Sights Set On This School

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [university] admissions. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. I’d like to register my daughter for a campus tour and info session.”

    Me: “Great! Can I have her name?”

    Caller: “Sure. Her name is [name].”

    (Many times, students are already in our system. We check the high school to make sure it’s the correct person.)

    Me: “Does she go to [name] high school?”

    Caller: “Oh my God! Yes! Are you psychic?”

    Not The Kind Of Course You Had In Mind

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    (I am giving a tour in a residence hall.)

    Parent of student: “Are boys and girls allowed in the same room?”

    Me: “No, the genders here are separated by floor or sides of the building.”

    Parent of student: “No, I mean can they sleep in the same room? In the same bed?”

    Me: “We are not a religious university. We don’t have any rules against it.”

    Parent of student: “Will I be notified if my daughter is having intercourse?”

    A Fair Degree Of Boredom

    | Swansea, Wales, UK |

    (I work for my university during the mornings of open days. I take tours and answer any questions visitors have. If you do everything available to you, it’s normally a full day. A mother who has been sitting down with her son for a while approaches me. It’s around 12:30.)

    Me: “Hi, is there something that I can help you with?”

    Mother: “Yeah, my son has this letter that says he has a meeting this afternoon. Will we be missing anything if we don’t go?”

    Me: “Oh, well there is the general introductory talk at 1:00. It is just some information about student life and life in Swansea. But it’s not necessary to attend. I can give you a print out of the talk if you like.”

    Mother: “Oh, that would be nice. But this thing this afternoon–is that important?”

    Me: “You mean your departmental visit? Well, that’s what most people come to see. You meet lecturers and find out a lot more about the course in the afternoon. Is there some reason that you need leave now?”

    Mother: “No, we’re just really bored.”

    Medical Training These Days Is Shocking

    | DE, USA |

    Me: “Hello this is [name] from [college] returning your call. What can I do for you?”

    Student: “Hi, I was calling to find out–”

    (A very loud noise erupts in the background. Yelling, laughing, and a strange buzzing sound ensues.)

    Student: *sounding embarrassed* “Sorry about that. I work at a hospital and it’s really quiet today. Everyone’s playing Operation (the game).”

    Me: *laughing* “Ma’am, you just made my day.”

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