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    The Deaf-initive Guide To Parenting

    | San Francisco Bay Area, CA, USA |

    (I work at the disability services office at a major university. We have an open house event.)

    Parent: “What sorts of services you offer for students with hearing impairments?”

    Me: “Oh, lots. We have real-time captioners–”

    Parent: “Oh, like on TV.”

    Me: “Yeah, sort of. The captioner attends the class and types the captions in real time.”

    Parent: “Oh, cool. Well, my son’s hearing impairment is pretty mild, so I doubt he’ll need any of that. But I told him it’ll be important to hook up with your office because of extra funding and stuff. These days it’s all about the money, baby.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s true. There’s a certain amount of money available for students with disabilities. It can’t hurt to have him
    come see us. Feel free to have him email or call, and we’ll set him up with an appointment.”

    Parent: “Oh, he won’t be needing that for a while. He’s only five. I’m just trying to get a jump on things.”

    Students Don’t Hit The Books Like They Used To

    , | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    (It is the first week of classes, so the book store is absolutely packed.)

    Student: “Can you help me?”

    Me: “Of course. What do you need?”

    (The student hands me her book list.)

    Student: “Find all of these for me.”

    Have Their Second Sights Set On This School

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [university] admissions. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. I’d like to register my daughter for a campus tour and info session.”

    Me: “Great! Can I have her name?”

    Caller: “Sure. Her name is [name].”

    (Many times, students are already in our system. We check the high school to make sure it’s the correct person.)

    Me: “Does she go to [name] high school?”

    Caller: “Oh my God! Yes! Are you psychic?”

    Not The Kind Of Course You Had In Mind

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    (I am giving a tour in a residence hall.)

    Parent of student: “Are boys and girls allowed in the same room?”

    Me: “No, the genders here are separated by floor or sides of the building.”

    Parent of student: “No, I mean can they sleep in the same room? In the same bed?”

    Me: “We are not a religious university. We don’t have any rules against it.”

    Parent of student: “Will I be notified if my daughter is having intercourse?”

    A Fair Degree Of Boredom

    | Swansea, Wales, UK |

    (I work for my university during the mornings of open days. I take tours and answer any questions visitors have. If you do everything available to you, it’s normally a full day. A mother who has been sitting down with her son for a while approaches me. It’s around 12:30.)

    Me: “Hi, is there something that I can help you with?”

    Mother: “Yeah, my son has this letter that says he has a meeting this afternoon. Will we be missing anything if we don’t go?”

    Me: “Oh, well there is the general introductory talk at 1:00. It is just some information about student life and life in Swansea. But it’s not necessary to attend. I can give you a print out of the talk if you like.”

    Mother: “Oh, that would be nice. But this thing this afternoon–is that important?”

    Me: “You mean your departmental visit? Well, that’s what most people come to see. You meet lecturers and find out a lot more about the course in the afternoon. Is there some reason that you need leave now?”

    Mother: “No, we’re just really bored.”


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