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    Through Ickiness And In Health

    | East Lansing, MI, USA | Family & Kids

    (I answer a lot of calls from parents concerned about the living arrangements in our dorm rooms.)

    Parent: “So, what’s the deal with co-ed floors?”

    Me: “Well, most of our floors are co-ed by wing, but a few are co-ed by suite, where one suite is all boys, and next door is all girls. Your student will never have to share a room or bathroom with the opposite gender.”

    Parent: “Why would anyone want to do that?”

    Me: “Well, some people find that living with the opposite gender is fun.”

    Parent: “Yeah, but I mean, boys are icky!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Parent: “Don’t get me wrong. I’ve lived with my husband for 20 years, but…eww!”

    No Aspirations As Long As You’re Under This Roof

    | Alberta, Canada | Family & Kids

    (I am a receptionist at a local college and I am doing some follow-up calls for people who indicated they were interested in attending by filling out one of our forms.)

    Me: “Hi, is [name] there?”

    Woman: “Yes. May I ask who’s calling?”

    Me: “Yes, this is [name] from [college] calling. I’m just following up with the person who filled out a form for us saying they were interested in one of our programs. Do you know if they still are?”

    Woman: “That’s actually my son. He’s only 11 years old. Are you sure you have the right number?”

    (I double check the number and name on the forms with her, and they are correct.)

    Woman: *sighs* “Oh my God. Could he have done this online?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s very possible.”

    Woman: “Oh man, is he going to get it. Thanks for the call. We’re going to punish him for this!” *hangs up*

    Model Behavior

    | Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | School

    (Several other high school students and I are on lunch break at a Model UN simulation. I am part of the Nigeria delegation. We are all about 15 years old.)

    Woman: “So, are you a visiting diplomat from Nigeria?”

    Me: “No, there’s a Model UN for high school students here today. I’m not really a diplomat.”

    Woman: “Oh, cool. So you’re like some foreign student who gets sent here to do some simulation?”

    Me: “No, I go to [local high school]. I’m not actually Nigerian.”

    (Note that I am white and do not in any way remotely resemble someone one would expect to be from Nigeria.)

    Woman: “Isn’t it a felony to impersonate an ambassador?”

    Me: “No, it’s a model UN meeting. I’m not impersonating anybody. My tag clearly says ‘Model United Nations.’”

    Woman: “Well, I’m reporting you to campus security!”

    (She goes over to the campus security booth nearby and says something to the guard. The guard responds and she angrily walks away. As soon as she is gone, he bursts out laughing).

    Waste Not, Want Not, Part 2

    , | Hudson Valley, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (It’s about two hours before closing and I’m cleaning up our breakfast area, which includes two rotating ovens that often have burnt bagels sitting in the back of them. A customer comes over after I’ve thrown the remaining ones in the trash. Keep in mind it’s late at night.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m cleaning up the bagels for the night. I can’t believe the amount of bagels people leave here sometimes.”

    (The customer points at one of the more badly burnt bagels in the trash.)

    Customer: “That’s mine.”

    Me: *jokingly* “I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t suppose you still want it, do you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I do.” *takes it out of the trash and walks off*

    Related:
    Waste Not, Want Not

    Deferred Gratification 101

    | Georgia, USA | School

    (I work in a campus post office for students only. Package slips are put in the boxes and an e-mail is sent to the student’s school e-mail address when they receive a package.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Student: “Hi, do I have a package?”

    Me: “Did you have a package slip in your box? I need that.”

    Student: “No, I didn’t get one.”

    (I go to the back and check anyway because one of the workers often forgets to put the slips in the boxes during her shift.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t see any package with your name.”

    Student: “Could you check again?”

    Me: “There were only 6 packages, and I’m sure none of them were for you. Did you get an email saying your package had arrived?”

    Student: “No.”

    Me: “Did the tracking number say it had been delivered?”

    Student: “Oh, no, the tracking number didn’t have any information on it.”

    (I go online to double check her tracking number.)

    Me: “It says here that you ordered the package only three hours ago.”

    Student: “Yeah, so it’s not here yet?”

    Me: “No. It says here that it’s coming from out of the country. It could take up to a month for it to arrive depending on how long it takes to get through customs, but it usually takes two or three weeks.”

    Student: “Oh…well, okay. I’ll come back to check tomorrow then!”

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