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    Making A Spectacle Of Herself

    | Middlebury, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (I normally wear contacts. I am in a rush before work and just put my glasses on. A regular customer comes through later in the morning.)

    Me: “Hi! Just a medium today?”

    Regular: “Just the medium—hey, you’re wearing glasses! You never wore them before.”

    Me: “That’s because I always wear my contacts, ma’am.”

    Regular: “Don’t lie to me. You don’t need those!”

    Me: “I’ve needed glasses since I was nine.”

    Regular: “You know, I’m sick of you ‘hipster’ kids wearing ‘nerd’ glasses for fun! There are those of us that need them, and don’t appreciate what you’re doing!”

    (I motion to my black plastic frames with their small rectangular lenses.)

    Me: “I’m not hipster, and my lenses are too small to be nerdy.”

    (The regular reaches across the counter, and grabs the glasses off my face.)

    Regular: “You kids need to realize glasses aren’t just a fashion accessory!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please give those back.”

    (The regular puts them on, then flings them to the floor when she realizes exactly how strong they are. She picks them up and scratches a lens as she tries to figure out if they’re real. She throws them on the counter, breaking off one of the side arms.)

    Regular: “What the h*** is wrong with those? Why are the lenses so weird?”

    Me: “As I said, ma’am, I’ve needed glasses since I was nine. Actually, my vision is so bad that I legally cannot drive or even work without wearing vision correction. You just broke my only pair of glasses, which the local vision center does not carry anymore. How would you like to repay me for these?”

    (The regular takes her coffee and pretty much runs. My manager sees the whole thing on camera from the office, and gets her information from the next time she comes in. Because we have proof she had destroyed my property, she didn’t fight handing me a check to cover the cost of a whole new pair of glasses.)

    Snob-less Not Jobless

    | Austin, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Politics, School, Top

    (I’ve just taken an order from a well-dressed woman and her daughter, who is wearing a uniform from a private school. The woman is berating her daughter about her grades.)

    Woman: “If your grades don’t improve, you won’t get into college. You’ll end up in some dead-end job like her.”

    (The woman gestures towards me.)

    Me: “Actually, I’m a college graduate.”

    Woman: “Yes, well I mean a real college.”

    Me: “I graduated from the University of Texas with two degrees, and my teacher’s certification.”

    Woman: “You evidently didn’t do too well if you wound up here now, did you?”

    Me: “I wound up here after our state legislature cut funding for public education. My husband also holds a Master’s in engineering, but has been laid off for similar reasons. We’ve taken these jobs to survive so we wouldn’t have to depend on public assistance.”

    (I hand them their drinks.)

    Me: “Never judge a book by its cover.”

    (The woman goes over to the condiment bar without another word, but her daughter smiles and fist-bumps me.)

    Getting Into Double-Double Trouble

    | Brampton, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Canada, Food & Drink, Top

    (I witness a medium-sized customer, wearing a business suit, ordering coffee.)

    Customer: “I thought I told you to make a double-double with milk, not this swill with cream!”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll remake it for you.”

    Customer: “D*** f****** right you will. Morons like you shouldn’t even have a job.”

    Me: “Hey! The lady made a mistake and she’s remaking it for you. Calm the h*** down.”

    Customer: “Screw you buddy. She didn’t make it right—”

    Me: “That doesn’t give you the right to be a complete a**. Shut up and take your drink.”

    Customer: “And just what are you going to do about it?”

    (I fully stand up. I am a heavy-set, 6’2″ guy. I grab him by the tie and yank him to towards me. I speak very calmly.)

    Me: “I just lost my job. I’m in a bad mood. I want my tea so I can read in peace and try to cheer myself up. If you want to really know what I can do, keep talking. I’ll fold you into a pretzel.”

    (The customer turns deathly white. He reels around and runs out the door. I make my way up to the register.)

    Me: “Steeped tea. Double-double with milk. Double cupped please.”

    Cashier: “No problem.”

    (A customer in line behind me speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “I’ll have the same, and I’ll pay for both.”

    Me: “You don’t need to do that, sir.”

    Customer #2: “You defended that woman, even after dealing with some pretty horrible news. Don’t worry about it.”

    Me: “Well… if you insist.”

    (Customer #2 pays for my tea and sits down with me, asking about what I did for a living. Turns out, his store is looking for a new computer-tech, and he offers me the job right there. Lesson learned? Don’t underestimate the power of sticking up for people.)

    Over The Edge Of Reason

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (I work at a chain coffee shop. The building is on the side of a hill; directly behind the shop is a sheer drop off. Every Sunday morning, a woman comes in with same conversation.)

    Woman: “Why don’t you have a drive through? The coffee shop in every other town has a drive through!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no room around the back of the building for a drive through.”

    Woman: “This is ridiculous! If you weren’t the only place on the way to church to get coffee, I’d never stop here. The one day of the week I have to wear heels; I have to walk across the parking lot!”

    (One Sunday morning, there is a loud crash, and the building shakes. I run outside; the woman has rammed her car between the back of the building and the cliff side. The entire front of the car is hanging off of the edge. Her airbag has deployed and she seems dazed. She starts to open the door. I start yelling.)

    Me: “No! Climb out through the back!”

    (We eventually get her inside, and call the cops.)

    Woman: “I was trying to prove there’s enough room for them to have a drive through. I guess I was wrong!”

    (The company won for damages. A family whose home was hit by debris rolling down the hill sued her as well. Seemed like way more trouble in the end than just walking into a building for a latte!)

    They Are Tea Total, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I’d like an iced coffee with milk, with no coffee in it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Did you want a decaffeinated iced coffee?”

    Customer: “No, I just hate the taste of coffee. I want an iced coffee with milk, but hold the coffee.”

    Me: “So, would you like milk and ice?”

    Customer: “No, I want it without coffee. I have it all the time. It’s brown, and kind of sweet.”

    Me: “Tea?”

    Customer: “Yes! How did you not understand that?”

    Related:
    He Is Tea Total


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