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    Solving Difficult Number Tables

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (The coffee shop I work in has a policy for customers to order their hot food from the tills, by providing their table number. Every table has its own individual number super-glued firmly to it. My coworker calls a customer to her counter.)

    Coworker: “Hello there, are you ordering food today?”

    Customer: “Yes, here’s our table number.”

    (The customer then HANDS OVER the number plate that was super-glued to the table.)

    Coworker: “Did you take this off of the table?”

    Customer: “Yes! It was really stuck on there though!”

    (I’ve never seen anyone take this policy quite so literally.)

    This One Definitely Needs Decaf

    | Washington, DC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a customer at a popular coffee chain. I overhear the following exchange between the cashier, who has been there for years, and a customer.)

    Cashier: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a decaf latte, with caffeine.”

    Cashier: “Okay… so a regular latte?”

    Customer: *impatiently* “No, a decaf latte with caffeine.”

    Cashier: “Sir, ‘decaf’ means ‘less caffeine.’ If you want caffeine, you want a regular latte.”

    Customer: “S***, was I saying caffeine? I meant with caramel. I’m an idiot.” *loudly to the rest of the line* “Don’t be an idiot like me, people!”

    It’s Only A Paper Cup

    | Canada | Bizarre

    (A customer walks up to my till and orders a coffee.)

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be $1.65. Is that for here or to go?”

    Customer: “For here. Why did you ask me that?”

    Me: “If it’s for here, we put it in a mug. If it’s to go, we put it in a paper cup.”

    Customer: “Paper?”

    Me: “Yep! A paper cup.”

    Customer: “Paaaaper?”

    Me: “Um, yes, is that what you’d prefer?”

    Customer: “Paaaaaaper?”

    Me: *thinking he might not know the difference* “Yes, see, here’s a paper cup, and here’s a mug.”

    Customer: “Paaaaaaaaper?”

    Me: “Paper cup it is!”

    (I make him his drink and hand it to him. He stares at it, hands me the money, and nods.)

    Customer: “Paaaaaaper!”

    Piercing Judgments

    | Medford, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

    (I have a purple/reddish birthmark about the size of a quarter above my eyebrow. I generally forget it exists. A self-important looking customer in his 60s comes to my register.)

    Customer: “Serves you right.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “What happened, did it get infected?” *huffs* “That’s what you get for piercing your face.”

    (Note: I have several small studs in each ear, but no other piercings.)

    Me: “I don’t know what you mean.”

    Customer: *smugly points to my eyebrow without saying a word*

    Me: “That’s actually a birthmark, but thanks for being so judgmental!”

    (The customer turns red, grabs his coffee, and quickly walks away without saying a word. He nearly spills his coffee on someone else in the process!)

    You Reap What You Soy

    | DE, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m a regular customer standing in line at my favorite coffee shop. It’s a busy morning, and the very friendly barista I know is flying through orders. Customer #1 is ahead of me waiting.)

    Barista: “I have a large latte for [Customer #1].”

    Customer #1: “Is that soy? I asked for soy.”

    Barista: “Oh no, it’s not. I apologize; the cup was not marked properly. I’m glad you checked.”

    Customer #1: “I have a severe dairy allergy. It was supposed to be soy.”

    Barista: “Well I do apologize; I’ll start another right away. We always say ‘soy’ when the coffee contains soy, so thanks for checking.”

    Customer #1: “I don’t need your attitude!”

    Barista: “I did not mean to give you any attitude, ma’am. Again I apologize. In fact, I have a diary allergy myself, so I understand. Here’s your tall latte with soy.”

    (I can tell that everyone around me is feeling uncomfortable witnessing Customer #1′s bad behavior. She starts to leave with her coffee, and turns to Customer #2.)

    Customer #1: “What a b****!”

    Customer #2: “You sure act like one!”

    (At this, the remainder of the customers shout statements of agreement.)

    Remainder Of Customers: “Yeah! Way to be a nasty person over a little mistake! Poor girl is just doing her job, and she’s hustling through it too! I would never want to have to put up with you! You really ought to be nicer to people who serve you your food!”

    (Customer #1 practically runs from the store. It gives me a little more faith in humanity!)


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