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    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 5

    | CA, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (I own a coffee shop in a small town. My best friend is the manager and head barista. I am pretty young and inherited the place from family. I have come in for some coffee and to do some paperwork for a new hire. I am in line behind a very disgruntled customer.)

    Customer: “You don’t have any authority to kick me out, you s***! I can do as I like. This is America. Only the owner can kick me out and he is never here. I am good friends with [Former Owner] and his whole family. So get me my drink on the house or I am going to have you fired. Do it now!”

    Me: “Excuse me? You said you know [Former Owner]?”

    Customer: “Well, yes. He is going to be so angry!”

    Me: “Then you would have attended his funeral last March. You would also know that he never stood for abusive people in his shop.”

    Customer: “How do you know this, you little snot? What are you, in high school?”

    Me: “Actually, I am 25. My uncle passed away last year after battling cancer. I have been working at this shop since I was 15. He left it to me in the will. I own this shop. You have no right to speak to the barista, or anyone, that way. Please get out of my shop. The next time you show up you will be arrested.”

    Customer: “You are missing out, young lady. I have never been so offended in my life! How dare you talk to me like that!?”

    (My friend, the barista, feels the need to interject.)

    Barista: “How dare you act like a child?! You make sexist, crude remarks every time you come in, you a**. I am lucky to work here. I have a very understanding boss. You are nothing but a bully. Get out of here and don’t come back.”

    (The customer looks towards me.)

    Me: “You heard my barista. Get out of my store.”

    Customer: “Fine! But you are missing out!”

    (The customer storms out of coffee store.)

    Barista: “Thank you.”

    Me: “I am going to give you a raise for that.”

    Barista: “I thought I was going to be fired.”

    Me: “Nope. That was hilarious.”

    (She has worked for me for about five years now and has been made a partner!)

    Related:
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
    Getting Owned By The Owner

    A Sinking Feeling About A Floater

    | Cambridge, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I work in a corporate coffee shop chain. Due to some customers using way too much toilet paper, our toilets often get blocked. A customer blocks one of our toilets so badly that we close off access to it and put a big no entry sign on the door. About two hours later I’m on till when a customer come up. He can’t speak English very well.)

    Customer: “Toilet.” *points to toilet* “It broke.”

    Me: “Yes. That’s why we have the no entry sign and have blocked it off.”

    Customer: “But it broke!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. We kn—”

    (I get a sinking feeling.)

    Me: “You didn’t try and use it, did you?”

    Customer: “Yes! I use and it broke!”

    (At this point the customer comes to the realisation and slinks back to his seat. I go over and find he had torn down the barricade and forced the door open. He had not only flooded the toilet more, but also crapped right on top of the existing blockage. I tell my supervisor. I look over at the customer, who very quickly gets up and leaves, leaving us with his mess.)

    You Say Milk, I Say Epinephrine

    | Portland, ME, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a fairly well known coffee shop chain. A woman comes up to the bar to pick up her drink.)

    Me: “[Name], your venti iced no whip mocha.”

    Customer: “Excuse me! Does that have milk in it?”

    Me: “The iced mocha?”

    Customer: “Yes. That’s what I ordered: iced mocha coffee, no whip.”

    Me: “Yes. It’s made with milk by default.”

    Customer: “WELL, I DIDN’T WANT IT MADE WITH MILK! I AM HIGHLY ALLERGIC!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. Let me remake that for you. So, you’d like iced coffee with mocha syrup and no whip?”

    Customer: “Whatever. Fine. Yes. Mocha coffee iced with no whip.”

    (I remake her drink rather quickly.)

    Me: “Here you are. Sorry about that. Let me take that other one.”

    Customer: “If it’s okay– I know you’re gonna dump it; I was hoping I could have it.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay. That’s fine.”

    Customer: *puts a straw in both* “Yum! These are both great! Thanks!”

    Related:
    You Say Tomato, I Say Epinephrine
    You Say Potato, I Say Epinephrine

    Trying To Get Herself A-Wrist-Ed

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I am ordering coffee at a coffee shop located on my community college campus.)

    Barista: “Hey, [My Name]. I love that bracelet you’re wearing!”

    (The barista points to the silicone rainbow wristband on my right wrist.)

    Me: “Thanks!”

    Customer Behind Me: “Where did you get it?”

    Me: “It was from a group that gave them out a couple years back. But they’re not doing them any more, due to financial problems.”

    Customer Behind Me: “Oh, so I couldn’t get one?”

    Me: “No, sorry.”

    (The customer keeps eyeing the wristband as we wait for our drinks. It’s slightly strange but I don’t say anything.)

    Barista: “[My Name], latte’s up!”

    Me: “Thanks, [Barista's Name]. You have a good—”

    (As I reach for my drink, the customer behind me steps forward and starts actually pulling on my arm to get the wristband off. I’m right handed and my HOT drink ends up spilling all over the floor and her.)

    Customer Behind Me: “I HATE ALL OF YOU! F*** THIS!”

    (The customer runs away, while the barista and I just kind of blink for a while.)

    Barista: “I have no words right now. I’ll make you another drink.”

    A Bitter Drink With A Sweet After Taste

    | Belgium | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

    (Outside the coffee shop where I work, there’s a beggar who sits there just about every day. I always bring him a cup of coffee when it’s quiet. As I am not allowed to bring my own wallet behind the counter, I pay for it at the end of the day before I close the till. On this particular day, a customer I have just finished serving and has been watching me intently, follows me outside.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what the h*** are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m bringing this gentleman coffee.”

    Customer: “What, for free?”

    Me: “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I will pay for it tonight.”

    Customer: “What, so you’ll pay for my coffee too?”

    Me: “No, sir. Clearly you can afford to buy your own.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I work hard, I buy the most expensive thing on your menu every day, I pay my taxes, yet I don’t get free coffee! Does your boss know you’re doing this?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. He approves.”

    Customer: “F*** you. No he doesn’t. He doesn’t want bums walking around with [Brand] cups! I’m going to report you. Who’s your boss?”

    (I point to the Catholic church across the street.)

    Me: “That guy. If you want to file a complaint, you’ll have to wait. He’s usually only in on Sundays.”

    (Amazingly, that was the end of that.)

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