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    A Sinking Feeling About A Floater

    | Cambridge, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I work in a corporate coffee shop chain. Due to some customers using way too much toilet paper, our toilets often get blocked. A customer blocks one of our toilets so badly that we close off access to it and put a big no entry sign on the door. About two hours later I’m on till when a customer come up. He can’t speak English very well.)

    Customer: “Toilet.” *points to toilet* “It broke.”

    Me: “Yes. That’s why we have the no entry sign and have blocked it off.”

    Customer: “But it broke!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. We kn—”

    (I get a sinking feeling.)

    Me: “You didn’t try and use it, did you?”

    Customer: “Yes! I use and it broke!”

    (At this point the customer comes to the realisation and slinks back to his seat. I go over and find he had torn down the barricade and forced the door open. He had not only flooded the toilet more, but also crapped right on top of the existing blockage. I tell my supervisor. I look over at the customer, who very quickly gets up and leaves, leaving us with his mess.)

    You Say Milk, I Say Epinephrine

    | Portland, ME, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a fairly well known coffee shop chain. A woman comes up to the bar to pick up her drink.)

    Me: “[Name], your venti iced no whip mocha.”

    Customer: “Excuse me! Does that have milk in it?”

    Me: “The iced mocha?”

    Customer: “Yes. That’s what I ordered: iced mocha coffee, no whip.”

    Me: “Yes. It’s made with milk by default.”

    Customer: “WELL, I DIDN’T WANT IT MADE WITH MILK! I AM HIGHLY ALLERGIC!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. Let me remake that for you. So, you’d like iced coffee with mocha syrup and no whip?”

    Customer: “Whatever. Fine. Yes. Mocha coffee iced with no whip.”

    (I remake her drink rather quickly.)

    Me: “Here you are. Sorry about that. Let me take that other one.”

    Customer: “If it’s okay– I know you’re gonna dump it; I was hoping I could have it.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay. That’s fine.”

    Customer: *puts a straw in both* “Yum! These are both great! Thanks!”

    Related:
    You Say Tomato, I Say Epinephrine
    You Say Potato, I Say Epinephrine

    Trying To Get Herself A-Wrist-Ed

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I am ordering coffee at a coffee shop located on my community college campus.)

    Barista: “Hey, [My Name]. I love that bracelet you’re wearing!”

    (The barista points to the silicone rainbow wristband on my right wrist.)

    Me: “Thanks!”

    Customer Behind Me: “Where did you get it?”

    Me: “It was from a group that gave them out a couple years back. But they’re not doing them any more, due to financial problems.”

    Customer Behind Me: “Oh, so I couldn’t get one?”

    Me: “No, sorry.”

    (The customer keeps eyeing the wristband as we wait for our drinks. It’s slightly strange but I don’t say anything.)

    Barista: “[My Name], latte’s up!”

    Me: “Thanks, [Barista's Name]. You have a good—”

    (As I reach for my drink, the customer behind me steps forward and starts actually pulling on my arm to get the wristband off. I’m right handed and my HOT drink ends up spilling all over the floor and her.)

    Customer Behind Me: “I HATE ALL OF YOU! F*** THIS!”

    (The customer runs away, while the barista and I just kind of blink for a while.)

    Barista: “I have no words right now. I’ll make you another drink.”

    A Bitter Drink With A Sweet After Taste

    | Belgium | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

    (Outside the coffee shop where I work, there’s a beggar who sits there just about every day. I always bring him a cup of coffee when it’s quiet. As I am not allowed to bring my own wallet behind the counter, I pay for it at the end of the day before I close the till. On this particular day, a customer I have just finished serving and has been watching me intently, follows me outside.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what the h*** are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m bringing this gentleman coffee.”

    Customer: “What, for free?”

    Me: “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I will pay for it tonight.”

    Customer: “What, so you’ll pay for my coffee too?”

    Me: “No, sir. Clearly you can afford to buy your own.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I work hard, I buy the most expensive thing on your menu every day, I pay my taxes, yet I don’t get free coffee! Does your boss know you’re doing this?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. He approves.”

    Customer: “F*** you. No he doesn’t. He doesn’t want bums walking around with [Brand] cups! I’m going to report you. Who’s your boss?”

    (I point to the Catholic church across the street.)

    Me: “That guy. If you want to file a complaint, you’ll have to wait. He’s usually only in on Sundays.”

    (Amazingly, that was the end of that.)

    One Good Scam Deserves Another

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I own a small coffee shop in the central business district of Auckland. It is surrounded by offices, and so our clientele are typically professional types. I am approached at the counter by a confident, well-dressed customer in a casual suit.)

    Customer: “Can you help me? I’ve locked myself out of my car, and my wife has gone off shopping. My wallet is in the car. I wonder if you could let me have a sandwich and coffee until she gets back?”

    Me: “Sure! What would you like?”

    (I proceed to serve him. He thanks me profusely and gives me his business card. The bill is no more than $12. After an hour or so, he gets up to leave and approaches me on the way out.)

    Customer: “Thanks so much! I’ll meet my wife, get into the car and come back and settle up.”

    Me: “No worries!”

    (The customer never returns. The sum involved was small, so I did not really care, but after a few days I sent a gentle text message reminder to the number on the business card. I thought maybe he forgot and could pay me next time he was in town. It turns out that the business card was not his. He had approached someone in the car park and given them the ‘locked out of car’ story and apologetically asked to borrow $10 to get home. He had also insisted that the good Samaritan who had given him the $10 also give him a business card so he could ‘get the money back to him.’ The guy tells me he thought it was a bit odd that the customer was so keen to get the card. After hearing this, I was both surprised and a little impressed at the fraudster’s boldness and ingenuity, but did not envy him. What a terrible way to choose to live: scamming people a few dollars at a time.)


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