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    Butter(beer) Them Up

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I run the anime club at my school, and we have had to relocate to the coffee shop a couple blocks away.)

    Barista: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Friend: “Hi! I would like to order one large mocha!”

    Barista: “Under what name?”

    Friend: “Hmmm… how about Hermione?”

    Barista: “Okay!”

    (15 minutes later…)

    Barista: “Hermione Granger! Ten points to Gryffindor!”

    Friend: *speechless, then breaks out laughing* “That was the best thing ever!”

    Barista: “I drew a little surprise on the back of the cup!”

    (It was a drawing of Hermione’s cat!)

    A Latte Attitude

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It is the middle of summer with temperatures climbing into the triple digits.)

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get started for you today?”

    Customer: “One large chai tea latte.”

    Me: “Alright, no problem. Would you like that hot or iced today?”

    (The customer stares at me.)

    Customer: “Chai tea latte.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Iced or hot?”

    Customer: “Latte!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. The chai tea latte comes iced or hot, and—”

    Customer: “Christ! Latte means hot! Do they teach you nothing?! Just give me my chai latte!”

    A Nice Hot Cup Of Karma

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I work in a small sandwich shop owned by my parents. We are famous locally for giving great value for money. It is Saturday morning and I am on my own. A customer walks in.)

    Me: “Good morning, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “How much is a tea?”

    Me: “£1.”

    Customer: “And how much do you get?”

    (I am a little taken aback by this, but I show him a cup. It’s roughly the same dimensions as a standard mug.)

    Customer: “That’s f****** ridiculous! Are you trying to f****** rip us all off!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t know what to say. We have the cheapest tea in the area that uses proper milk. I don’t make the prices!”

    (At this point a regular walks in.)

    Customer: “I don’t care! You don’t f****** know anything. Get me your godd*** manager. Do you know who I am?”

    Regular: “Excuse me? You shouldn’t swear at her, or call her stupid. She’s been serving me for a year now and she’s never let me down once!”

    Customer: *not looking at him or paying much attention* “Yeah, whatever, mate. Who the f*** do you think you are?”

    Regular: “Your boss’ husband.”

    (The customer turns, finally notices who the regular is, and runs out. I thank my regular by giving him a free plated breakfast. It later turns out that the customer was fired, ironically for poor customer service!)

    The Bald And The Beautiful, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Health & Body, Top

    (I’ve recently been diagnosed with leukemia and am due to undergo chemotherapy. I decide to have fun with my hair and dye it blue knowing it’ll be gone soon. I’m at my favorite coffee shop.)

    Customer In Line: “Excuse me. Is there a manager on duty?”

    Manager: “I’m the manager on duty. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer In Line: *points straight at me* “Can you have HIM escorted from the premises?”

    Manager: “I can’t see anything he’s doing wrong, ma’am. May I ask why you want him to leave?”

    Customer In Line: “Are you blind? Look at that punk. His kind should not be allowed in an establishment like this.”

    (Having heard more than I wish to, I decide to step in.)

    Me: “Is something about me bothering you?”

    Customer In Line: “YES! Look at your hair! You little rebel punks need to have some respect.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, miss. Should I get rid of it?”

    Customer In Line: “It would be a start.”

    Me: “Well, my chemotherapy treatment is on Wednesday, so odds are the next time you’ll see me it’ll be gone.”

    (The customer goes pale and walks away without saying a word. The manager gives me a big hug and a $25 gift card!)

    Related:
    The Bald And The Beautiful

    A Sizeable Gap In Knowledge

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I’d like a cappuccino, please, to take away.”

    Me: “A cappuccino to take away. No problem.”

    Customer: “Is that a large or a small?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Do I want a large or a small cappuccino?”

    Me: “I don’t know…”

    Customer: “Look. I just want to know if I want a large or a small!”

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