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    The Key Tipped Them Off

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in a licensee location of a popular shop, meaning it’s inside of a bigger store. After I have closed and mopped, I go to put the mop away in the back room. I notice a young man walk up to my shop and eye me as I walk away, but I don’t think anything of it. When I come back, I notice he has reached around the counter to grab the key to our bolted-down tip jar and is fumbling to get it off.)

    Me: “Hello. Can I help you?”

    Customer: *quickly hides the key behind his back and grabs a gift card on display* “Yeah. I was just wondering how much you can put on a gift card?”

    Me: “I don’t know. I think it’s as much as you want. Can I have the key back, please?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: *peeking around his back* “The key, please.”

    Customer: “Oh! Um… sorry.”

    (The customer hands me the key back, acting like he didn’t realize he even had it, before walking away. When I go back behind the counter, he felt obligated to come back and tell me that he found the key somewhere else and was trying to return it! Smooth move, pal.)

    They’ll Toast To That

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am standing in line at a well-known coffee shop, fairly early in the morning. I hear this exchange between an employee and the customer in front of me.)

    Customer: “Hi. Could I get a large coffee toasted with butter?”

    Employee: “… Sorry?”

    (The employee looks like she is trying not to laugh, when the customer suddenly notices what she’s said.)

    Customer: “No! Wait! I mean a large coffee and a BAGEL toasted with butter.”

    (They both burst out laughing.)

    Customer: “Sorry, it’s early. Although if you’re willing to try and toast a coffee with butter, I’ll pay just to see how it turns out!”

    Outside Voice, Waiting Outside

    | Canada | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I have just transferred down the road to another shop in our coffee chain, after the one I used to work at cut down on its employees. It is very busy. A man walks up to the drink counter, takes a drink, and walks away. All of a sudden, a customer who had been sitting at a table runs up towards one of my coworkers and starts yelling.)

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting and you f****** haven’t made my drink! This is f****** horrible service! I have a f****** meeting in a few minutes, and I need my f****** coffee!”

    Coworker: “Sorry, but the order list says that we did make your drink. Are you sure it’s not up there?” *gestures to the table full of drinks*

    Customer: “OF COURSE I’M SURE! I think that you’re f****** ignoring me! That or you drank my drink. B****, make me another drink or I’ll sue! This is s***** customer service. You should be f****** fired!”

    (At this point my coworker is at the verge of tears. She is new, and just old enough to get a job.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but didn’t you do this at the other [Coffee Shop] down the street? I distinctly remember you yelling at us for not making your drink while your boyfriend waited outside with the exact same drink in his hand.”

    (Sure enough, when we looked out the window the same man was out there, holding the drink.)

    Customer: *turns beet red, stammers something, and runs off*

    The Manager Has To Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

    | West Yorkshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (We are having a meeting about how many errors we are making on our tills. When we explain why these are happening, our boss seems to think we are all idiots and decides to spend a few hours watching what we do, starting off by showing us how to use the till properly.)

    Customer #1: “Can I have a medium latte please?”

    (My manager makes the drink and processes it on the till without a problem. I’m the first to go on the till afterwards.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, can I get a medium skinny latte.”

    (I make the drink, process it on the till, and tell the customer the price which is also written on the menu board behind me.)

    Customer #2: “Sorry, I don’t have enough. Can you make me a plain latte?”

    (I make the second drink for the customer and process this on the till, but it goes down as an error which causes my manager to glare at me. I tell the customer the new price.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, I don’t have enough for that either. Can I have a tea?”

    (I make a third drink and re-process this on the till making another error. The customer finally pays and leaves.)

    Manager: “Yeah. I’ll just tell head office this town is full of idiots…”

    Butter(beer) Them Up

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I run the anime club at my school, and we have had to relocate to the coffee shop a couple blocks away.)

    Barista: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Friend: “Hi! I would like to order one large mocha!”

    Barista: “Under what name?”

    Friend: “Hmmm… how about Hermione?”

    Barista: “Okay!”

    (15 minutes later…)

    Barista: “Hermione Granger! Ten points to Gryffindor!”

    Friend: *speechless, then breaks out laughing* “That was the best thing ever!”

    Barista: “I drew a little surprise on the back of the cup!”

    (It was a drawing of Hermione’s cat!)

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