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    A Nice Hot Cup Of Karma

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I work in a small sandwich shop owned by my parents. We are famous locally for giving great value for money. It is Saturday morning and I am on my own. A customer walks in.)

    Me: “Good morning, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “How much is a tea?”

    Me: “£1.”

    Customer: “And how much do you get?”

    (I am a little taken aback by this, but I show him a cup. It’s roughly the same dimensions as a standard mug.)

    Customer: “That’s f****** ridiculous! Are you trying to f****** rip us all off!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t know what to say. We have the cheapest tea in the area that uses proper milk. I don’t make the prices!”

    (At this point a regular walks in.)

    Customer: “I don’t care! You don’t f****** know anything. Get me your godd*** manager. Do you know who I am?”

    Regular: “Excuse me? You shouldn’t swear at her, or call her stupid. She’s been serving me for a year now and she’s never let me down once!”

    Customer: *not looking at him or paying much attention* “Yeah, whatever, mate. Who the f*** do you think you are?”

    Regular: “Your boss’ husband.”

    (The customer turns, finally notices who the regular is, and runs out. I thank my regular by giving him a free plated breakfast. It later turns out that the customer was fired, ironically for poor customer service!)

    The Bald And The Beautiful, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Health & Body, Top

    (I’ve recently been diagnosed with leukemia and am due to undergo chemotherapy. I decide to have fun with my hair and dye it blue knowing it’ll be gone soon. I’m at my favorite coffee shop.)

    Customer In Line: “Excuse me. Is there a manager on duty?”

    Manager: “I’m the manager on duty. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer In Line: *points straight at me* “Can you have HIM escorted from the premises?”

    Manager: “I can’t see anything he’s doing wrong, ma’am. May I ask why you want him to leave?”

    Customer In Line: “Are you blind? Look at that punk. His kind should not be allowed in an establishment like this.”

    (Having heard more than I wish to, I decide to step in.)

    Me: “Is something about me bothering you?”

    Customer In Line: “YES! Look at your hair! You little rebel punks need to have some respect.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, miss. Should I get rid of it?”

    Customer In Line: “It would be a start.”

    Me: “Well, my chemotherapy treatment is on Wednesday, so odds are the next time you’ll see me it’ll be gone.”

    (The customer goes pale and walks away without saying a word. The manager gives me a big hug and a $25 gift card!)

    Related:
    The Bald And The Beautiful

    A Sizeable Gap In Knowledge

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I’d like a cappuccino, please, to take away.”

    Me: “A cappuccino to take away. No problem.”

    Customer: “Is that a large or a small?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Do I want a large or a small cappuccino?”

    Me: “I don’t know…”

    Customer: “Look. I just want to know if I want a large or a small!”

    This Diet Is Really Going Against The Grain

    | MN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “Excuse me. You used to stock a drink in the cooler. It was tea. It had no carbs.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We probably don’t have any more. Sometimes they cycle out drinks that don’t sell very well.”

    Customer: “It was tea. It had no carbs.”

    Me: “I think I know the one you’re thinking of. If it’s not in there, then we’re out. We have some iced tea brewed up if you would like to try that.”

    Customer: “How do I know that it doesn’t have carbs?”

    Me: “I brewed it myself. I can promise you that there are no carbs.”

    Customer: “I want the other tea! You know that soda in there has 33 carbs! You should really stock more options for customers who don’t want to have so many carbs.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to give you some of our iced tea, or some water.”

    Customer: “Ugh! I don’t want any of that. I want the old tea.”

    Me: “Sorry! Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yes! I’ll have a large cookie.”

    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 5

    | CA, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (I own a coffee shop in a small town. My best friend is the manager and head barista. I am pretty young and inherited the place from family. I have come in for some coffee and to do some paperwork for a new hire. I am in line behind a very disgruntled customer.)

    Customer: “You don’t have any authority to kick me out, you s***! I can do as I like. This is America. Only the owner can kick me out and he is never here. I am good friends with [Former Owner] and his whole family. So get me my drink on the house or I am going to have you fired. Do it now!”

    Me: “Excuse me? You said you know [Former Owner]?”

    Customer: “Well, yes. He is going to be so angry!”

    Me: “Then you would have attended his funeral last March. You would also know that he never stood for abusive people in his shop.”

    Customer: “How do you know this, you little snot? What are you, in high school?”

    Me: “Actually, I am 25. My uncle passed away last year after battling cancer. I have been working at this shop since I was 15. He left it to me in the will. I own this shop. You have no right to speak to the barista, or anyone, that way. Please get out of my shop. The next time you show up you will be arrested.”

    Customer: “You are missing out, young lady. I have never been so offended in my life! How dare you talk to me like that!?”

    (My friend, the barista, feels the need to interject.)

    Barista: “How dare you act like a child?! You make sexist, crude remarks every time you come in, you a**. I am lucky to work here. I have a very understanding boss. You are nothing but a bully. Get out of here and don’t come back.”

    (The customer looks towards me.)

    Me: “You heard my barista. Get out of my store.”

    Customer: “Fine! But you are missing out!”

    (The customer storms out of coffee store.)

    Barista: “Thank you.”

    Me: “I am going to give you a raise for that.”

    Barista: “I thought I was going to be fired.”

    Me: “Nope. That was hilarious.”

    (She has worked for me for about five years now and has been made a partner!)

    Related:
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
    Getting Owned By The Owner


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