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  • The Gall To Call A Small A Tall

    | Southlake, TX, USA |

    (I work in a coffee place that has “special” names for their sizes. Since no one can ever get them right, I just started saying small, medium and large to make it easier.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a vanilla latte please.”

    Me: “Sure. Would you like the large?”

    Customer: “Yeah. That’s the small, right?”

    That’s A Latte Coupons

    | British Columbia, Canada |

    (A woman had been coming in every day and paying for venti drinks with all the trimmings using service recovery coupons. This went on for about a year and a half, and finally we were told to stop taking them from her. They were old, we had never given any to her, and she could not have acquired so many of them legitimately.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t take any of these coupons, they’re outdated.”

    Coupon Lady: “…but I use these all the time. They always take them!”

    Me: “They’re outdated. There are new ones now, and we’re not allowed to take the old ones anymore.”

    Coupon Lady: *pays for her drinks, leaves*

    (The next day Coupon Lady returns with her husband and tries the same thing.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I told you yesterday, we will not accept any more coupons from you.”

    Husband: “I want to speak to your manager.”

    (I go and get a manager; the husband commences shouting at manager.)

    Manager: “You’ve been using these coupons almost daily since this location opened. We are not going to accept them anymore.”

    Husband: “We know the man in charge! WE GOT THESE FROM THE HEAD GUY!”

    Manager: “Sir, if you’d actually gotten these coupons from the man in charge, you would know that the man in charge here is a WOMAN.”

    There’s No Accounting For Taste

    | Wellington, New Zealand |

    (I work at a city cafe and we open early and get a lot of stupid obviously not morning people coming in. This one woman ordered 2 coffees.)

    Me: “Here you go, two large flat whites.”

    Customer: *takes a sip* “You know, these aren’t really hot. Your coffee isn’t cheap you know. It’s not good enough.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, here, let me make you another one.”

    (I make her the coffees over, this time as hot as I can without burning the milk.)

    Customer: “Look, seriously, they’re still too cold. Make them again!”

    (I make the coffees again, this time burning the milk so badly it stinks, burning the coffee shot, and generally doing everything I can to make it a crap coffee. It is, however, really hot.)

    Me: “Here you go, I hope thats a bit better. If you still aren’t satisfied, I can give you a refund.”

    Customer: *takes big sip* “FINALLY, THANK you. Would it have been that hard to make it like this before?”

    (The only explanation I can think of is that drinking too much hot coffee has burned off her tastebuds.)

    Stupidity Is The Mother of Repetition

    | Lexington, MA, USA | Top

    (There is a huge line of customers waiting on their drinks. An impatient customer who just placed his order assumes the next drink is his and takes it, after I call someone else’s name.)

    Customer: “This isn’t hot chocolate.”

    Me: “That’s because you grabbed someone else’s drink.”

    Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate!”

    Me: “There are nine people in front of you waiting for drinks. You grabbed the wrong drink.”

    Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate.”

    (I look at the order screen for the name on the drink he took.)

    Me: “Is your name ***?”

    Customer: “No, and this isn’t hot chocolate!”

    Me: “That’s because you took ****’s drink!”

    Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”

    Me: “Hand me the drink and I will remake the person who’s drink you took. I’ll make your hot chocolate, but it will take a few minutes!!”

    (Customer hands the drink back to me.)

    Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”

    If You Have To Ask, You’ll Never Know

    , | Canada |

    (A lady walks into the cafe, i just happen to be standing by the counter with my coworker.)

    Woman: “I’ll have *order* please”

    Coworker: “Okay, that’s $1.47.”

    (I make the coffee.)

    Woman: *leans in and whispers to me* “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Woman: “What exactly is an ‘Emo’?”

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