October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Rescued From A Life Of Deliciousness

| Bristol, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “I want some of these coffee beans, but I want them as a powder.”

Me: “Yes, we can grind them here for you if you like.”

Customer: “But will it hurt the beans?”

Me: “Well, it won’t affect the beans in any way – it will still be the same coffee, if that’s what you mean?”

Customer: “No, I mean will it HURT the beans?”

Me: “…well, they’re coffee beans, so I don’t think they can actually feel any pain…”

Customer: “But you aren’t 100% sure on that…I think I’ll leave it, then.”

Delicious, Perhaps Not So Nutritious

| Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(A blond freshman girl comes in with a few of her friends.)

Customer: “Oh my gosh! You guys are out of oranges!”

Me: “Yeah, sorry. But we have apples and bananas, and orange juice.”

Customer: “No! Your guys’ apples suck! And I’m going on a HIKE; I need an orange!”

Me: “Well…”

Customer: “No, no it’s OK. I understand.”

(She suddenly notices a display of baked goods next to her.)

Customer: “Oh my gosh, are those chocolate cupcakes vegan?”

Me: “Yeah, I think so. I can check.”

Customer: “Well, I just want to know if it’s healthy. You know, vegan equals healthy.”

Me: “…it’s a cupcake.”

(She stares at the expression on my face for a second, and then walks out.)


| Winnipeg, Canada | Uncategorized

(To start off, I’m male, as is my customer.)

Me: “Alright, one medium latte, less hot. Anything else for you today, sir?”

Customer: Don’t make it too hot! If you make it too hot, I’ll spank you, and you’re going to like it!

Me: “…”

Customer: “I’m so hungry, I going to go home and stick something in my mouth, and I don’t care what it is!”

Me: “…”

Self Overflowing Prophecies

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Top

Customer: “I’d like a large coffee.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $1.84. Would you like me to leave some room for cream?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I bring her the coffee with a little bit of room at the top.)

Customer: “You didn’t fill my coffee all the way full!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I thought you wanted some room for cream.”

Customer: “I do, but I don’t want you scamming me out of any coffee! If I pay $5 for a cup of coffee, I want my money’s worth!”

Me: “But ma’am, I can’t fill the cup all the way to the top if you want to put cream in the coffee. It will spill over.”

Customer: “I don’t care, just fill it!”

(The customer goes around the corner, out of my view to the cream and sugar counter. She comes back 45 seconds later with a large coffee stain on the front of her shirt.)


It’s Not Exactly SAT Vocabulary

| Saginaw, Texas, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi welcome to [coffee shop]! What can I get started for you today?”

Drive-through customer: “I want a mo-CHA.”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “The middle one.”

Me: “Okay, did you want that hot or iced?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Did you want that hot or iced?”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re asking. Why are you asking me so many questions? Why can’t you just make my drink?”

Me: “I just need to know if you want it hot or iced.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What’s the difference between hot and iced?”

Me: “About a hundred and thirty degrees?”

Customer: “Oh… hot!”

(Of course, when she gets up to the window it turns out she wanted an iced blended mocha.)

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