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    There’s No Accounting For Taste

    | Wellington, New Zealand |

    (I work at a city cafe and we open early and get a lot of stupid obviously not morning people coming in. This one woman ordered 2 coffees.)

    Me: “Here you go, two large flat whites.”

    Customer: *takes a sip* “You know, these aren’t really hot. Your coffee isn’t cheap you know. It’s not good enough.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, here, let me make you another one.”

    (I make her the coffees over, this time as hot as I can without burning the milk.)

    Customer: “Look, seriously, they’re still too cold. Make them again!”

    (I make the coffees again, this time burning the milk so badly it stinks, burning the coffee shot, and generally doing everything I can to make it a crap coffee. It is, however, really hot.)

    Me: “Here you go, I hope thats a bit better. If you still aren’t satisfied, I can give you a refund.”

    Customer: *takes big sip* “FINALLY, THANK you. Would it have been that hard to make it like this before?”

    (The only explanation I can think of is that drinking too much hot coffee has burned off her tastebuds.)

    Stupidity Is The Mother of Repetition

    | Lexington, MA, USA | Top

    (There is a huge line of customers waiting on their drinks. An impatient customer who just placed his order assumes the next drink is his and takes it, after I call someone else’s name.)

    Customer: “This isn’t hot chocolate.”

    Me: “That’s because you grabbed someone else’s drink.”

    Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate!”

    Me: “There are nine people in front of you waiting for drinks. You grabbed the wrong drink.”

    Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate.”

    (I look at the order screen for the name on the drink he took.)

    Me: “Is your name ***?”

    Customer: “No, and this isn’t hot chocolate!”

    Me: “That’s because you took ****’s drink!”

    Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”

    Me: “Hand me the drink and I will remake the person who’s drink you took. I’ll make your hot chocolate, but it will take a few minutes!!”

    (Customer hands the drink back to me.)

    Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”

    If You Have To Ask, You’ll Never Know

    , | Canada |

    (A lady walks into the cafe, i just happen to be standing by the counter with my coworker.)

    Woman: “I’ll have *order* please”

    Coworker: “Okay, that’s $1.47.”

    (I make the coffee.)

    Woman: *leans in and whispers to me* “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Woman: “What exactly is an ‘Emo’?”

    Someone Needs To Switch To Decaf

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (At the front bar of a certain coffee shop, as I’m In the middle of making a caramel macchiato.)

    Old, angry, hovering Customer: “What are you doing? I didn’t ask for caramel, I’m allergic! Are you trying to kill me?? I had to wait in line all this time and I can’t get a **** coffee made right!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is a caramel macchiato. I’m sure this isn’t your drink; what did you have today?”

    Customer: “I had a latte. I’ve been waiting 10 minutes!”

    Me: “Ma’am, theres a latte right here on the counter right next to your handbag.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m late for my movie!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I called the drink out three times, you were standing there the whole time.”

    Customer: “You should have called louder!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I was practically yelling, I figured it was loud enough. Well there you are, have a nice day.”

    Customer: “YOU MADE ME LATE FOR MY ****** MOVIE!”

    Another customer: “You get the most evil people here don’t you?”

    Me: “LA’s finest, here’s your macchiato. Have a nice evening.”

    Being Picky Is An Exact Science

    , | Indiana, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to ****, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a medium coffee with twenty-seven and a half sugars.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, was that…twenty-seven and a half?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “You’re sure you don’t just want the twenty-eight?”

    Customer: “Ewww, gross! That’d be too sweet.”

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