November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Would You Like A Foot To Go With Your Mouth

| Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: I’m a customer and overhear this exchange while waiting in line.)

Barista: “Here’s your change… have a nice day.”

Customer: “You know, you haven’t smiled once.”

Barista: “Sorry.”

Customer: “I’m so sick of the attitude of people in the service industry! Is it so hard to give your customers a smile as you’re pouring water through beans? You all are so arrogant, it makes me sick!”

Barista: *eyes begin to well up*

Customer: “Why aren’t you smiling?!”

Barista: “…because my father died last night.”

(At this point, you could hear a pin drop. The customer is literally glared out of the shop, forgetting her coffee.)

Fattening Fallacies

| Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to ****, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Could I get that donut right there?” *points*

Me: “Sure thing.”

(I put it on a plate and hand it to him.)

Customer: “Can you heat it up for me, please?”

Me: “No problem, I’ll just be a minute.”

Customer: “Put it in for exactly 7 seconds. If you microwave food for 7 seconds, it becomes negative calories. Did you know that?”

Me: “Um…I don’t think that’s how food works.”

Customer: “Well, how would you know, you’re just a part-time employee at a coffee shop.”

Me: “I work part-time to pay for University…where I study health and nutrition…”

Customer: “What are they teaching kids these days?!” *walks away angrily without the donut*

Me: “Have a nice day?”

Enigmatic Espresso

| Oxford, AL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to ****, what can I get started for you today?”

Customer: *in drive-thru* “I don’t know.”

Me: “Er…would you like any suggestions?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know what it is I always get. My daughter usually gets it for me.”

Me: “OK, no big deal. Was it hot or cold?”

Customer: “Both.”

Me: “…was it ‘coffee’ or ‘not coffee’?

Customer: “Hmm…I believe it was both.”

Me: “I’m gonna go grab my manager…just a moment!”

Manager: “Hi there, could you please describe for me what you usually get?”

Customer: “I don’t know! My daughter gets it for me every day!”

Manager: “Let’s break it down further…was it a solid or a liquid?”

Customer: “Both…”

A Whole Lotta Latte

| Wales, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Could I have a mug of chino?”

Me: “…sorry, a what?”

Customer: “Mug of chino. I don’t think a cup of chino is enough.”

Me: “…a cappuccino?”

Customer: “No, a mug of it.”

Me: “…”

Like A Robber In A Donut Shop

| Steinkjer, Norway | Uncategorized

(This is early December, when most of the companies have their big night out. A visibly drunk patron needs to be asked to leave due to inebriation.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I think you’ve had enough for tonight, and I think it’s best if you call it a night.”

Customer: “What? I’m not druuunk! You’re ouuut of yoooour mind!”

(I guide the drunk customer to the door, which he immediately grabs a hold of to resist being led out of the bar.)

Customer: “I’m not leaving! You’re going to have to call the cops to get me out of here!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you take a look over at the table with the people looking very intently at us… that’s the police department’s Christmas party.”

Customer: *leaves, rather expediently*