Around The World In 80 Epithets

| Northern VA, USA |

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Well hello dearie, what kind of mild coffee do you have today?”

Me: “Our light roast today is our Guatemala.”

Customer: “Oh no. I don’t want coffee made by [racial epithet].”

Me: “Um… well, our dark roast is our Ethiopian.

Customer: “I don’t want [another racial epithet] coffee either! Can’t you get me some American coffee?

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, coffee beans don’t grow anywhere in America except Hawaii. And we don’t carry any Kona.”

Customer: “Damn [yet another racial epithet]! Don’t want any of their coffee either. I just want some good old American coffee. That’s what I got last time.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Like I said, we don’t carry any coffee grown in America. Coffee doesn’t grow in the continental United States.”

Customer: “God d*** commies!” *storms off*

The Epiphany To End All Epiphanies

| San Jose, CA, USA |

(A customer orders an iced drink.  They usually come out with flat lids, but we were completely out and were forced to use the dome ones instead.)

Customer: “Why does this have a round lid on it? I want my drink with a flat lid instead.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re completely out of flat lids today.”

Customer: “But I want my round lid!”

Me: “I promise you, it will taste exactly the same.”

Customer: “Ooohhh…”

Behind Every Policy Is A Stupid Customer

| Rockville, MD, USA |

Customer: “I don’t want a lid.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s company policy. I have to serve your hot beverage with a lid on.”

Customer: “This is stupid.”

Me: “We don’t want you to burn yourself–”

Customer: “Then I’ll just blame you.”

Me: “… and that would be why we have the company policy.”

Related:
Behind Every New Sign Is Someone Stupid

Smile, You’re On Candid Camera

| Denver, CO, USA |

Customer: “What do you have to eat here?”

Me: “Whatever you see in the pastry case is to eat; we mainly serve drinks.”

Customer: “What’s that up there? ”

(He points to one of the boards behind me and I turn around to see what he’s pointing at. I hear a rustling noise; when I turn back around all the money in my tip cup is gone.)

Me: “Sir? Could you do me a favor?”

Customer: “Uh… what?”

Me: “Look up.”

Customer: *looks up*

Me: “Okay, wave!”

(I start waving at him and, completely confused, he starts to wave back.)

Me: “Sir, that’s a camera up there.”

Customer: “Uh… and?”

Me: “You better put the money back.”

Customer: “What money?”

Me: “You know very well what money. Now, put it back and leave.”

(He puts the money back and pouts the entire way out the doors.)

That Was Random

| Alpharetta, GA, USA |

Me: “Good afternoon! What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I’ll have a [frozen coffee drink], please.”

Me: “Alrighty, that’s gonna run you $3.42.”

Customer: “Alright.” *begins to dig around in her purse*

Me: “I’m going to go ahead and get this started for you.”

(As I start to make the drink, I turn to look at the woman and notice that she is slowly making her way behind the counter.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am…”

(The woman proceeds to walk behind the counter, walk to a sink, wash her hands, wipe her hands, throw the paper towel away, and then walk right back around the counter and straight out the door. As my coworkers and I attempt to figure out what just happened, we watch her walk by the drive-thru window, around the building, around the building NEXT to our store, and then back into the store. The woman then approaches the counter.)

Customer: “So, what do I owe you?”

Me: “Uh, $3.42, please.”

Customer: “Sure.”

(An incredibly awkward silence follows.)

Customer: “So, what just happened?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “What just happened?”

Me: “I’m really not sure, ma’am!”

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