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    Make Coffee, Not War

    | Northern Virginia, USA |

    (I work at a coffee shop that is NOT a certain well-known coffee empire. Our company name is clearly displayed out front, on the menu, on the register, on our aprons and we generally don’t look a thing like the other company.)

    Customer: “I’d like a medium mocha.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3.26.”

    (The customer pays, and comes to the end of the bar to pick up her drink.)

    Customer: “Wait a second. This isn’t Starbucks.”

    Coworker: “Nope, we’re *** Coffee.”

    Customer: “Well, never mind. I wanted Starbucks. Give me my money back.”

    Coworker: “I have your drink ready… give it a taste, and if you still don’t like it, we’d be happy to refund your money. ”

    Customer: “NO! Just give me my money back! This isn’t Starbucks! I wanted Starbucks!”

    Me: “Um, okay…”

    One Dangerously Pressurized Coffee, Coming Up

    | Eugene, OR, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Can I get a 16 oz. coffee in a 12 oz. cup?”

    Me: “No. We can’t do that here.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? They do this for me every time I come here!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no way we can put 16 oz. of coffee in a 12 oz. cup.”

    Customer: “Yes you can! You’ve always done it!”

    (The customer’s friend was standing next to her at the time.)

    Customer’s friend: “Um, I think you meant a 12 oz. coffee in a 16 oz. cup.”

    Customer: “… ooooh. Yeah, that’s what I meant!”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Murphy’s Law In Action

    | Washington, D.C., USA |

    Me: “Tall latte on the bar.”

    (The latte does not get claimed.)

    Me: “We’ve got a tall latte up here, ready for pickup.”

    (The latte still does not get claimed. We make drinks for a few other customers, giving it a few more minutes.)

    Me: “Okay, last call for a tall latte, if nobody claims it we’re pitching it.”

    (The latte once against does not get claimed.)

    Me: “Okay then…”

    (I pour the drink down the sink.)

    Me, to a coworker: “I bet that in less than 30 seconds, we’ll get someone asking about a tall latte.”

    Woman, exactly 0.0001 seconds later: “Hi, was there a tall latte?”

    When You’re A Brand W**re, Every Cent Counts

    , | Long Island, NY, USA |

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $2.00.”

    Customer: *shocked* “What? The sign said $1.85! How can it be $2.00?”

    Me: “Yeah, $1.85 plus 15 cents for tax.”

    Customer: *sighs loudly and opens up her Chanel bag to take two dollars out of her Gucci wallet*

    Pointless Pickiness

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “What can I get you?”

    Customer: “I want coffee, but I don’t want any caffeine in it.”

    Me: “So you want decaffeinated coffee?”

    Customer: “No, I want regular coffee. I also want you to take the caffeine out of it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to buy decaf if you don’t want any caffeine.”

    Customer: “Just gimme that coffee, and make sure to take the caffeine out.”

    (She turns her back for a moment to rummage through her purse. I pour her a cup of decaf anyway.)

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Did you take the caffeine out?”

    Me: “Yep!”

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