Speechless

| Winnipeg, Canada | Uncategorized

(To start off, I’m male, as is my customer.)

Me: “Alright, one medium latte, less hot. Anything else for you today, sir?”

Customer: Don’t make it too hot! If you make it too hot, I’ll spank you, and you’re going to like it!

Me: “…”

Customer: “I’m so hungry, I going to go home and stick something in my mouth, and I don’t care what it is!”

Me: “…”

Self Overflowing Prophecies

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Top

Customer: “I’d like a large coffee.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $1.84. Would you like me to leave some room for cream?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I bring her the coffee with a little bit of room at the top.)

Customer: “You didn’t fill my coffee all the way full!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I thought you wanted some room for cream.”

Customer: “I do, but I don’t want you scamming me out of any coffee! If I pay $5 for a cup of coffee, I want my money’s worth!”

Me: “But ma’am, I can’t fill the cup all the way to the top if you want to put cream in the coffee. It will spill over.”

Customer: “I don’t care, just fill it!”

(The customer goes around the corner, out of my view to the cream and sugar counter. She comes back 45 seconds later with a large coffee stain on the front of her shirt.)

Customer: “LOOK AT ME! YOU MADE ME GET COFFEE ALL OVER MYSELF!”

It’s Not Exactly SAT Vocabulary

| Saginaw, Texas, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi welcome to [coffee shop]! What can I get started for you today?”

Drive-through customer: “I want a mo-CHA.”

Me: “What size?”

Customer: “The middle one.”

Me: “Okay, did you want that hot or iced?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Did you want that hot or iced?”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re asking. Why are you asking me so many questions? Why can’t you just make my drink?”

Me: “I just need to know if you want it hot or iced.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What’s the difference between hot and iced?”

Me: “About a hundred and thirty degrees?”

Customer: “Oh… hot!”

(Of course, when she gets up to the window it turns out she wanted an iced blended mocha.)

Military Intelligence, Part 3

| Portsmouth, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Military, Tourists/Travel

(I work in an English branch of a US coffee chain. Because we’re a naval town, US navy ships always stop here and the sailors come in for ‘a taste of home’…)

Me: “Hello, what would you like?”

Sailor 1: “One of your chocolate frappuccinos.”

Me: “OK. What size do you want?”

Sailor 1: “Erm… can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Yeah, go on then.”

Sailor: “Are your frappuccinos made with ice, like they are back in the states?”

Sailor 2: “Yeah, good point man!”

Me: “Yes, yes they are made with ice.”

Sailor 2: “Is that British ice or do you get it, like, flown over from the States so it tastes the same?”

Me: “…”

Sailor 1: “Dude! Yeah! Is it going to taste the same as it does at home?!”

Me: “Why don’t you try it and let me know?”

Sailors 1 & 2: “Yeahhh…”

(Their ship was over for about a week and true to their word, they came back to inform me that their drinks did in fact taste the same as they did back home.)

Related:
Military Intelligence, Part 2
Military Intelligence

Problem Exists Between Bottle And Hand

| Columbia, MD, USA | Uncategorized

(I work for a popular coffee chain that sells bottled drinks at the counter. The bottles have a tamper-evident pop-top feature. One day, a customer approached the counter after purchasing one of these drinks.)

Customer: “Hey, I just bought one of these things and when I opened it the cap popped up.”

Me: “Yes, they do–”

Customer: *interrupting* “It says ‘Do Not Drink If Button Is Up’.”

Me: “Yes, it’s a tamper-evident button to–”

Customer: *speaking very slowly* “I want you to understand what I’m saying here! I can’t drink this – it’s been tampered with!”

Me: “When you opened the container, the button popped up–”

Customer: “I’M NOT SURE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE!”

Me: *headdesk*

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