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    One Coffee Conflagration, Coming Right Up

    | Staten Island, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    Customer: “I’d like a venti latte made with organic milk. It has to be organic milk.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have organic milk in this store.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not? It says that you do on the menu!”

    Coworker: “Well, our customers here rarely order drinks made with organic milk, so we don’t stock it.”

    Customer: “Why don’t you have it?! I cannot drink my latte if it isn’t made with organic milk!”

    Coworker: “If it’s that important to you, we can make your drink with soy, which is organic.”

    Customer: “NO! NO! NO! Soy milk is disgusting! Regular milk is disgusting! I should be able to get what I WANT when I come here! It is imperative that I have my g**d*** latte made with organic milk!”

    (They go back and forth like this for several more minutes as the line behind her grows longer and more impatient, while my friend is desperately trying to appease her with our milk options. Suddenly, the customer’s friend seems to finally have run out of patience…)

    Customer: “I NEED it to be ORGANIC!”

    Customer’s friend: *suddenly loud* “Why? So you can stand outside and drink your d*** organic latte while smoking your organic cigarettes? They don’t have it! Drop it already and get something else!”

    Coffee Shop Customer Found Poked To Death

    | Raleigh, NC, USA |

    Customer: “Is the lemon pound cake fresh? Like, is it soft?”

    Me: “All of our pastries are fresh, sir. Would you like a sample, to see if you like it?”

    Customer: “Just let me feel it.”

    (I put the slice of cake on a plate and watch resignedly as he pokes the cake full of holes.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I guess that’s soft enough.”

    Me: “Alright…” ¬†

    (I pick up the slice of cake with tongs and move to put it in a pastry bag.)

    Customer: “Not THAT one!¬†It’s got holes all in it!”

    The Baby Steps Diet

    | Canada |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [coffee shop]. How can I help you?”

    Regular customer: “Hey buddy!”

    Me: “How are ya today? The usual?”

    Regular customer: “Nope, I cut back on my sugar. I no longer take eight.”

    Me: “Oh. What can I get you, then?”

    Regular customer: “I’ll get a large with seven and three quarters sugar.”

    What Planet Is She From, Because I Want To Live There

    | Davis, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large coffee.”

    Me: “That’ll be $1.95.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t want to pay for it.”

    Me: *shocked* “Ma’am, this is a store. We sell things for money in order to make a profit.”

    Customer: *stares blankly*

    Me: “The coffee isn’t free.”

    Customer: “Can I have the coffee anyway, since you already poured it?”

    Me: “No. ”

    Customer: *looks at me for a moment and then walks away*

    Because Mocha Sounds Sooo Much Like Frappuccino

    | Indiana, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like two large strawberries and cream Frappuccinos.”

    Me: “Alright, anything else with that?”

    Customer: “No, that’s all.”

    (I make her drinks and hand them out.)

    Customer: “These are cold…”

    Me: “You ordered two large strawberries and cream Frappuccinos.”

    Customer: “Oh! You know what? I actually meant I wanted two large mochas. The hot drinks!”

    (Duh, how could I not have gotten that from her original order?)

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