Fairweather Friendships

| Bend, OR, USA | Top

Me: “…and your total comes to $4.45.”

Customer: “Well, I’m a close friend with the owner and he told me that you’ll hook me up with the drink.”

Me: “I’m sorry, unless he told me directly I can’t do that for you.”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “Yes.”

(Coincidentally, Bob, the owner, shows up so I give him his usual coffee.)

Me: “Here you are, Bob!”

Customer: “Oh, so you can hook that jerk-off up with a free drink but not me?”

Me: “Sir, it’s not polite to call your close friend a jerk-off.”

Serf and Turf

| Carlsbad, NM, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Where are all of your baked goods?!”

Me: “We’re going to be closing here in about five minutes, and we usually don’t bring out any fresh baked goods at this time–”

Customer: “Well, in Europe they bake all day long!”

Me: “Well…we do things a bit differently in America. Would you perhaps like some of our half-priced baked goods?”

Customer: “Eh, no…what’s this thing?” *pointing*

Me: “A baguette.”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ll have that.”

Me: “OK…would you like me to cut that up for you and give you some butter?”

Customer: “Nah, I’ll just bite chunks off of it.”

Me: “…”

Male Insecurities Manifested In Mocha

| Ohio, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I want a mocha.”

Me: “Okay, what size would you like?”

Customer: “The biggest one. No froth on top, either.”

(He pays and walks off. Assuming froth meant foam, which mochas don’t get anyways, I hand the cup to my coworker as she makes the drink. The customer returns as she finishes the mocha, adding the whipped cream on top.)

Customer: “I said no froth! Froth is too girly!”

Coworker: “It’s just whipped cream. I can scoop it off if you want.”

Customer: “Nah… you can leave it on there. I just won’t tell anyone it’s in my drink!”

Coffeeholics Anonymous

| Radford, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer wanders in and stares around, sighing forlornly for a while.)

Me: “Hello there. Are you okay?”

Customer: *very sadly* “I just miss being able to have coffee.”

Me: “Oh, that is sad! But we do have non-coffee drinks available if you’d like…”

Customer: “It’s just not the same!”

(The customer grabs a bag of ground coffee, opens it and takes a deep whiff. She then shoves it back on the shelf and runs sobbing out of the store.)

Consideration Is Key

| Roanoke, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes through the drive-thru two minutes before close and orders seven blended drinks. She starts talking to me through the window as I’m working on her drinks.)

Customer: “Isn’t it so annoying when people come through ordering blended beverages right before close?”

Me: *politely* “Well, it’s not too much of a hassle. It just takes a while to make each of them, that’s all.”

Customer: “Oh. Then I’d like to order four more please. And can you hurry? I’m late for work.”

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