Military Intelligence, Part 3

| Portsmouth, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Military, Tourists/Travel

(I work in an English branch of a US coffee chain. Because we’re a naval town, US navy ships always stop here and the sailors come in for ‘a taste of home’…)

Me: “Hello, what would you like?”

Sailor 1: “One of your chocolate frappuccinos.”

Me: “OK. What size do you want?”

Sailor 1: “Erm… can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Yeah, go on then.”

Sailor: “Are your frappuccinos made with ice, like they are back in the states?”

Sailor 2: “Yeah, good point man!”

Me: “Yes, yes they are made with ice.”

Sailor 2: “Is that British ice or do you get it, like, flown over from the States so it tastes the same?”

Me: “…”

Sailor 1: “Dude! Yeah! Is it going to taste the same as it does at home?!”

Me: “Why don’t you try it and let me know?”

Sailors 1 & 2: “Yeahhh…”

(Their ship was over for about a week and true to their word, they came back to inform me that their drinks did in fact taste the same as they did back home.)

Related:
Military Intelligence, Part 2
Military Intelligence

Problem Exists Between Bottle And Hand

| Columbia, MD, USA | Uncategorized

(I work for a popular coffee chain that sells bottled drinks at the counter. The bottles have a tamper-evident pop-top feature. One day, a customer approached the counter after purchasing one of these drinks.)

Customer: “Hey, I just bought one of these things and when I opened it the cap popped up.”

Me: “Yes, they do–”

Customer: *interrupting* “It says ‘Do Not Drink If Button Is Up’.”

Me: “Yes, it’s a tamper-evident button to–”

Customer: *speaking very slowly* “I want you to understand what I’m saying here! I can’t drink this – it’s been tampered with!”

Me: “When you opened the container, the button popped up–”

Customer: “I’M NOT SURE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE!”

Me: *headdesk*

What A Tangled Web We Weave

| Northridge, CA, USA | Top

(A customer had already ordered, picked up, and drank most of his drink. He then walked up to the counter and was very angry.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “What the f*** is this?!” *points to his cup*

Me: “It looks like the drink I made you, and you seem to have already enjoyed it.”

Customer: “No smart-a**…this!” *pours the drink onto the counter and a key bounces out* “What the f*** is going on here?!”

Me: *alarmed* “I am SO sorry sir! When I made the drink, I know there wasn’t a key in it. Let me make you a new one.”

Customer: “Yeah! You f***in’ better make me a new f***in’ drink. This is complete bulls***! You’re lucky I don’t sue you and this coffee company!”

(I take the key and make him a new drink, and he goes and sits outside with his friends. The key wasn’t mine, so I started asking coworkers and customers. No one was claiming it. The customer walked up about 5 minutes later, bright red and embarrassed.)

Customer: “Yeah, uh…I’m going to need my car key back so I can go home….”

Let He Who Is Strongest Make My Latte

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Uncategorized

(A perky old lady walks up and orders a drink. A staff member makes the drink, and I hand it to her.)

Customer: *disdainfully* “What is THIS?”

Me: “Umm… a drink?”

Customer: “‘A drink’? Don’t get smart with me! *pointing towards a staff member* “That greasy teen filled my order! I demand somebody else fill it! One who’s NOT greasy!”

(I was dumb-founded, but decided to line up all the employees in front of her for review – it was a slow day.)

Me: “Which of these do you find acceptable?”

Customer: *looks for a few minutes* “NONE! Maybe if you didn’t have so much fast food, you wouldn’t be so greasy!” *continues to “browse” through the line-up*

Coworker: *speaking up* “Hey lady, hurry up – you ain’t picking no gladiators!”

Make That A Triple Non-Fat Sexy Latte

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(A woman walks into the coffee shop and orders a latte with “sexy” foam. I make what I thought was a latte with really “sexy” foam.)

Customer: “F***! This isn’t right.¬†I want it with really sexy foam.”

Me: “Okay…”

(I make her another, with lots of really thick foam.)

Customer: “No, no! Sexy foam, really sexy foam!”

Me: “Okay, so less?”

Customer: “No, you know… sexy! Sexy foam!”

(I make her a third drink. This time less foam and more milk.)

Customer: “You don’t get it! I want sexy foam. Really sexy foam!”

Me: *giving up* “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!”

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