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    Because Mocha Sounds Sooo Much Like Frappuccino

    | Indiana, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like two large strawberries and cream Frappuccinos.”

    Me: “Alright, anything else with that?”

    Customer: “No, that’s all.”

    (I make her drinks and hand them out.)

    Customer: “These are cold…”

    Me: “You ordered two large strawberries and cream Frappuccinos.”

    Customer: “Oh! You know what? I actually meant I wanted two large mochas. The hot drinks!”

    (Duh, how could I not have gotten that from her original order?)

    Never Smart: Biting The Hand That Makes Your Coffee

    | Sheffield, UK |

    Customer: “I want a coffee.”

    Me: “What sort of coffee can I get for you, sir?”

    Customer: “Just black coffee.”

    Me: “Would you like drip coffee or an Americano, sir?”

    Customer: “Don’t make it so BLOODY COMPLICATED, just get me a coffee! And don’t try to sell me them fancy things like sprinkles, neither!”

    (My coworker and I stifle our laughter as I silently ring up the largest size of the most expensive ‘black’ coffee.)

    Customer: “That’s better. No more of your lip!”

    Coworker: *laughs out loud*

    And Yet He Lives With A Nut

    | Barrie, ON, Canada |

    (A customer with her toddler comes into the store while I’m working on another customer’s order.)

    Customer: “I want to know if your peanut butter cookies have nuts in them.”

    Me: “Yes, yes they do.”

    Customer: “Oh, well my son is allergic to nuts. Do you have any that don’t have nuts?”

    Me: “You could try the oatmeal raisin.”

    Customer: “No, he doesn’t like raisins.” *picks up a different cookie*

    Me: “Um, those are white chocolate macadamia nut, which also have nuts in them.”

    Customer: “Well do you have anything that is nut-free here?!”

    Me: “We have cakes with fruit in them, muffins, bagels, croissants and scones. Would he like those?”

    Customer: “You people don’t care about my child!” *storms out of the store, child in tow*

    Me, to coworker: “How is he still alive?”

    Coworker: *shrugs*

    Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*, Part 2

    | New Haven, CT, USA |

    Me: “I have a tall mocha.”

    Customer: “That’s me, thanks.”

    Me: “Thanks! Have a good one!”

    (She returns in less than a minute with a disgusted look on her face.)

    Customer: “What is this?!”

    Me: “That’d be a mocha latte.”

    Customer: “Does it have espresso in it?”

    Me: “Yes. ”

    Customer: “Ugh, this is the worst thing I have EVER put in my mouth!”

    Me, without a beat: “Ma’am, I highly doubt that.”

    Related:
    Bad Dum Dum *Chhh*

    Make Coffee, Not War

    | Northern Virginia, USA |

    (I work at a coffee shop that is NOT a certain well-known coffee empire. Our company name is clearly displayed out front, on the menu, on the register, on our aprons and we generally don’t look a thing like the other company.)

    Customer: “I’d like a medium mocha.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3.26.”

    (The customer pays, and comes to the end of the bar to pick up her drink.)

    Customer: “Wait a second. This isn’t Starbucks.”

    Coworker: “Nope, we’re *** Coffee.”

    Customer: “Well, never mind. I wanted Starbucks. Give me my money back.”

    Coworker: “I have your drink ready… give it a taste, and if you still don’t like it, we’d be happy to refund your money. ”

    Customer: “NO! Just give me my money back! This isn’t Starbucks! I wanted Starbucks!”

    Me: “Um, okay…”


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