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  • Problem Exists Between Bottle And Hand

    | Columbia, MD, USA |

    (I work for a popular coffee chain that sells bottled drinks at the counter. The bottles have a tamper-evident pop-top feature. One day, a customer approached the counter after purchasing one of these drinks.)

    Customer: “Hey, I just bought one of these things and when I opened it the cap popped up.”

    Me: “Yes, they do–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “It says ‘Do Not Drink If Button Is Up’.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s a tamper-evident button to–”

    Customer: *speaking very slowly* “I want you to understand what I’m saying here! I can’t drink this – it’s been tampered with!”

    Me: “When you opened the container, the button popped up–”

    Customer: “I’M NOT SURE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE!”

    Me: *headdesk*

    What A Tangled Web We Weave

    | Northridge, CA, USA | Top

    (A customer had already ordered, picked up, and drank most of his drink. He then walked up to the counter and was very angry.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “What the f*** is this?!” *points to his cup*

    Me: “It looks like the drink I made you, and you seem to have already enjoyed it.”

    Customer: “No smart-a**…this!” *pours the drink onto the counter and a key bounces out* “What the f*** is going on here?!”

    Me: *alarmed* “I am SO sorry sir! When I made the drink, I know there wasn’t a key in it. Let me make you a new one.”

    Customer: “Yeah! You f***in’ better make me a new f***in’ drink. This is complete bulls***! You’re lucky I don’t sue you and this coffee company!”

    (I take the key and make him a new drink, and he goes and sits outside with his friends. The key wasn’t mine, so I started asking coworkers and customers. No one was claiming it. The customer walked up about 5 minutes later, bright red and embarrassed.)

    Customer: “Yeah, uh…I’m going to need my car key back so I can go home….”

    Let He Who Is Strongest Make My Latte

    | Raleigh, NC, USA |

    (A perky old lady walks up and orders a drink. A staff member makes the drink, and I hand it to her.)

    Customer: *disdainfully* “What is THIS?”

    Me: “Umm… a drink?”

    Customer: “‘A drink’? Don’t get smart with me! *pointing towards a staff member* “That greasy teen filled my order! I demand somebody else fill it! One who’s NOT greasy!”

    (I was dumb-founded, but decided to line up all the employees in front of her for review – it was a slow day.)

    Me: “Which of these do you find acceptable?”

    Customer: *looks for a few minutes* “NONE! Maybe if you didn’t have so much fast food, you wouldn’t be so greasy!” *continues to “browse” through the line-up*

    Coworker: *speaking up* “Hey lady, hurry up – you ain’t picking no gladiators!”

    Make That A Triple Non-Fat Sexy Latte

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (A woman walks into the coffee shop and orders a latte with “sexy” foam. I make what I thought was a latte with really “sexy” foam.)

    Customer: “F***! This isn’t right.¬†I want it with really sexy foam.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I make her another, with lots of really thick foam.)

    Customer: “No, no! Sexy foam, really sexy foam!”

    Me: “Okay, so less?”

    Customer: “No, you know… sexy! Sexy foam!”

    (I make her a third drink. This time less foam and more milk.)

    Customer: “You don’t get it! I want sexy foam. Really sexy foam!”

    Me: *giving up* “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!”

    Hoochie Grannies, Gotta Love ‘Em

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (A little old lady is getting coffee. She is wearing thick blue eyeshadow, pink circles of blush, and bright red lipstick.)

    Me: “Here’s your coffee. That’ll be $2.75.”

    Little old lady: *gives me a $20* “Keep the change, dear.”

    Me: “That’s very generous, thank you!”

    Little old lady: “After work, go buy yourself some makeup. Just because you work at a coffee shop doesn’t mean you have to look like a slob!”

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