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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    And Yet He Lives With A Nut

    | Barrie, ON, Canada |

    (A customer with her toddler comes into the store while I’m working on another customer’s order.)

    Customer: “I want to know if your peanut butter cookies have nuts in them.”

    Me: “Yes, yes they do.”

    Customer: “Oh, well my son is allergic to nuts. Do you have any that don’t have nuts?”

    Me: “You could try the oatmeal raisin.”

    Customer: “No, he doesn’t like raisins.” *picks up a different cookie*

    Me: “Um, those are white chocolate macadamia nut, which also have nuts in them.”

    Customer: “Well do you have anything that is nut-free here?!”

    Me: “We have cakes with fruit in them, muffins, bagels, croissants and scones. Would he like those?”

    Customer: “You people don’t care about my child!” *storms out of the store, child in tow*

    Me, to coworker: “How is he still alive?”

    Coworker: *shrugs*

    Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*, Part 2

    | New Haven, CT, USA |

    Me: “I have a tall mocha.”

    Customer: “That’s me, thanks.”

    Me: “Thanks! Have a good one!”

    (She returns in less than a minute with a disgusted look on her face.)

    Customer: “What is this?!”

    Me: “That’d be a mocha latte.”

    Customer: “Does it have espresso in it?”

    Me: “Yes. ”

    Customer: “Ugh, this is the worst thing I have EVER put in my mouth!”

    Me, without a beat: “Ma’am, I highly doubt that.”

    Related:
    Bad Dum Dum *Chhh*

    Make Coffee, Not War

    | Northern Virginia, USA |

    (I work at a coffee shop that is NOT a certain well-known coffee empire. Our company name is clearly displayed out front, on the menu, on the register, on our aprons and we generally don’t look a thing like the other company.)

    Customer: “I’d like a medium mocha.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3.26.”

    (The customer pays, and comes to the end of the bar to pick up her drink.)

    Customer: “Wait a second. This isn’t Starbucks.”

    Coworker: “Nope, we’re *** Coffee.”

    Customer: “Well, never mind. I wanted Starbucks. Give me my money back.”

    Coworker: “I have your drink ready… give it a taste, and if you still don’t like it, we’d be happy to refund your money. ”

    Customer: “NO! Just give me my money back! This isn’t Starbucks! I wanted Starbucks!”

    Me: “Um, okay…”

    One Dangerously Pressurized Coffee, Coming Up

    | Eugene, OR, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Can I get a 16 oz. coffee in a 12 oz. cup?”

    Me: “No. We can’t do that here.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? They do this for me every time I come here!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no way we can put 16 oz. of coffee in a 12 oz. cup.”

    Customer: “Yes you can! You’ve always done it!”

    (The customer’s friend was standing next to her at the time.)

    Customer’s friend: “Um, I think you meant a 12 oz. coffee in a 16 oz. cup.”

    Customer: “… ooooh. Yeah, that’s what I meant!”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Murphy’s Law In Action

    | Washington, D.C., USA |

    Me: “Tall latte on the bar.”

    (The latte does not get claimed.)

    Me: “We’ve got a tall latte up here, ready for pickup.”

    (The latte still does not get claimed. We make drinks for a few other customers, giving it a few more minutes.)

    Me: “Okay, last call for a tall latte, if nobody claims it we’re pitching it.”

    (The latte once against does not get claimed.)

    Me: “Okay then…”

    (I pour the drink down the sink.)

    Me, to a coworker: “I bet that in less than 30 seconds, we’ll get someone asking about a tall latte.”

    Woman, exactly 0.0001 seconds later: “Hi, was there a tall latte?”


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