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    Living On The Edge Of Anaphylactic Shock

    | Columbia, MO, USA |

    (A woman was looking intently at our display case of cookies.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “What kind of cookies do you have?”

    Me: “Well, right now we have lemon drop and peanut butter chocolate chip.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’ll take one of each.”

    (I ring her out and she goes on her way. 20 minutes later I get a phone call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was just in there and I bought a lemon cookie and a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie and…MY GOD I AM ALLERGIC TO NUTS, and I SWEAR I just ate a nut. Are there any nuts in these cookies?”

    Me: “…well, the peanut butter chocolate chip ones have…peanuts in them.”

    Customer: “OH MY GOD!” *hangs up*

    (Only 2 weeks later I am working again and the same woman walks into my store.)

    Customer: *looks at the cookies again* “I’ll take one of those…peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.”

    Me: “You realize that those have nuts in them, right?”

    Customer: “WHAT?! Well…what about the orange walnut cookies?”

    Me: “Those have walnuts in them.”

    Customer: “How about the coconut pecan?”

    Me: “Yeah, those have pecans in them.”

    Customer: “Well, fine. I’ll just have to have one of those white chocolate macadamia cookies then.”

    Me: “Look – really the only cookies that we have right now that DON’T have nuts are the sugar cookies.”

    Customer: “Well, those are just too boring. Never mind then!”

    Rescued From A Life Of Deliciousness

    | Bristol, UK |

    Customer: “I want some of these coffee beans, but I want them as a powder.”

    Me: “Yes, we can grind them here for you if you like.”

    Customer: “But will it hurt the beans?”

    Me: “Well, it won’t affect the beans in any way – it will still be the same coffee, if that’s what you mean?”

    Customer: “No, I mean will it HURT the beans?”

    Me: “…well, they’re coffee beans, so I don’t think they can actually feel any pain…”

    Customer: “But you aren’t 100% sure on that…I think I’ll leave it, then.”

    Delicious, Perhaps Not So Nutritious

    | Santa Cruz, CA, USA |

    (A blond freshman girl comes in with a few of her friends.)

    Customer: “Oh my gosh! You guys are out of oranges!”

    Me: “Yeah, sorry. But we have apples and bananas, and orange juice.”

    Customer: “No! Your guys’ apples suck! And I’m going on a HIKE; I need an orange!”

    Me: “Well…”

    Customer: “No, no it’s OK. I understand.”

    (She suddenly notices a display of baked goods next to her.)

    Customer: “Oh my gosh, are those chocolate cupcakes vegan?”

    Me: “Yeah, I think so. I can check.”

    Customer: “Well, I just want to know if it’s healthy. You know, vegan equals healthy.”

    Me: “…it’s a cupcake.”

    (She stares at the expression on my face for a second, and then walks out.)

    Speechless

    | Winnipeg, Canada |

    (To start off, I’m male, as is my customer.)

    Me: “Alright, one medium latte, less hot. Anything else for you today, sir?”

    Customer: Don’t make it too hot! If you make it too hot, I’ll spank you, and you’re going to like it!

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I’m so hungry, I going to go home and stick something in my mouth, and I don’t care what it is!”

    Me: “…”

    Self Overflowing Prophecies

    | Iowa City, IA, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’d like a large coffee.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $1.84. Would you like me to leave some room for cream?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I bring her the coffee with a little bit of room at the top.)

    Customer: “You didn’t fill my coffee all the way full!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I thought you wanted some room for cream.”

    Customer: “I do, but I don’t want you scamming me out of any coffee! If I pay $5 for a cup of coffee, I want my money’s worth!”

    Me: “But ma’am, I can’t fill the cup all the way to the top if you want to put cream in the coffee. It will spill over.”

    Customer: “I don’t care, just fill it!”

    (The customer goes around the corner, out of my view to the cream and sugar counter. She comes back 45 seconds later with a large coffee stain on the front of her shirt.)

    Customer: “LOOK AT ME! YOU MADE ME GET COFFEE ALL OVER MYSELF!”

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