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    Tall-Size Steps Towards Venti-Size Change

    | Virginia, USA |

    (A regular customer comes through the drive-thru. She’s a difficult person to deal with and we have a new barista on bar tonight.)

    Customer: “My usual, please.”

    (I take her money and keep an eye on our new barista while he makes her tricky drink. He makes it just right. When the barista hands it over to me, she pulls a face suddenly.)

    Customer: “Who’s THAT?”

    Me: “Oh, that’s ****, our newest barista! He took extra care with your drink tonight. I was watching.”

    (I had been watching him make it and knew it was perfect. She then took a sip and made a face.)

    Customer: “Too sweet! Honey, could YOU just make it for me? YOU always get it right.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I go to the bar and pretend to make things next to the new guy, who is really making her drink. Then I walk over and hand the new barista-made beverage out to her.)

    Customer: *sipping* “Mmm! PERFECT! I knew YOU wouldn’t let me down!”

    Me: “Actually, **** made that one, too. I just kept an extra eye on him to make sure it was absolutely perfect, and now he knows exactly how to do it for next time, too!”

    Customer: “….uh… well…it IS a little OFF, but I’ll let it slide this time.”

    Fairweather Friendships

    | Bend, OR, USA | Top

    Me: “…and your total comes to $4.45.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m a close friend with the owner and he told me that you’ll hook me up with the drink.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, unless he told me directly I can’t do that for you.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (Coincidentally, Bob, the owner, shows up so I give him his usual coffee.)

    Me: “Here you are, Bob!”

    Customer: “Oh, so you can hook that jerk-off up with a free drink but not me?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s not polite to call your close friend a jerk-off.”

    Serf and Turf

    | Carlsbad, NM, USA |

    Customer: “Where are all of your baked goods?!”

    Me: “We’re going to be closing here in about five minutes, and we usually don’t bring out any fresh baked goods at this time–”

    Customer: “Well, in Europe they bake all day long!”

    Me: “Well…we do things a bit differently in America. Would you perhaps like some of our half-priced baked goods?”

    Customer: “Eh, no…what’s this thing?” *pointing*

    Me: “A baguette.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’ll have that.”

    Me: “OK…would you like me to cut that up for you and give you some butter?”

    Customer: “Nah, I’ll just bite chunks off of it.”

    Me: “…”

    Male Insecurities Manifested In Mocha

    | Ohio, USA |

    Customer: “I want a mocha.”

    Me: “Okay, what size would you like?”

    Customer: “The biggest one. No froth on top, either.”

    (He pays and walks off. Assuming froth meant foam, which mochas don’t get anyways, I hand the cup to my coworker as she makes the drink. The customer returns as she finishes the mocha, adding the whipped cream on top.)

    Customer: “I said no froth! Froth is too girly!”

    Coworker: “It’s just whipped cream. I can scoop it off if you want.”

    Customer: “Nah… you can leave it on there. I just won’t tell anyone it’s in my drink!”

    Coffeeholics Anonymous

    | Radford, VA, USA |

    (A customer wanders in and stares around, sighing forlornly for a while.)

    Me: “Hello there. Are you okay?”

    Customer: *very sadly* “I just miss being able to have coffee.”

    Me: “Oh, that is sad! But we do have non-coffee drinks available if you’d like…”

    Customer: “It’s just not the same!”

    (The customer grabs a bag of ground coffee, opens it and takes a deep whiff. She then shoves it back on the shelf and runs sobbing out of the store.)

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