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    Decaffeinated Milk

    | NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer comes into the store and confusedly finds his way to the register.)

    Customer: “Get me a steamed milk.”

    (I make the drink and hand it to him.)

    Customer: “This is just milk. I wanted coffee in this.”

    Me: “No. You ordered steamed milk.”

    Customer: “Don’t you guys put coffee in everything?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “What has coffee in it?”

    Me: “Coffee.”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s what I meant to get.”

    Dying To Get Some Service

    | OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am deathly allergic to strawberries. Ingesting even a tiny trace of strawberry sends me into anaphylactic shock, for which I keep an EpiPen on me. This instance occurs late one evening while I am in the back doing dishes after a late lunch break. Somehow, strawberry must have gotten into my food because I suddenly find my throat closing and my face and chest swelling. I frantically ask my coworker to call 911 before my throat closes all the way and I practically collapse. She injects my EpiPen, and as my airway begins to clear and the panic subsides slightly, I am able to hear an exchange happening through the headset.)

    Customer: “…seriously? This ambulance is completely blocking the drive-thru lane. This is ridiculous. How am I going to be able to get out of here? Can I even still get my coffee?! UGH!”

    Coworker: *with all the sarcasm she can muster* “Terribly sorry to inconvenience you, ma’am. We have an employee dying in the back room.”

    Customer: “What? You’re just saying that!”

    Coworker: *fed up* “Sorry, the drive-thru lane is closed right now. If you want coffee you’ll have to come inside.”

    Customer: “This is TERRIBLE customer service! I’m NEVER coming back here! Ridiculous!”

    (I hope she never does come back! Glad your coffee was more important than my LIFE, lady!)

    Misunderstanding Free Trade

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “I want a cup of 2% milk with four pumps of chocolate in it.”

    Me: “What size would you like?”

    Customer: “The size that’s free.”

    Me: *thinking I misheard, or maybe she’s joking* “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Whatever size is free! I want that size!”

    Me: “Um, we don’t have a ‘free cup of chocolate milk’ in any size.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know that’s why you have the milk out on the condiment bar! But I want 2%, not creamer!”

    Me: “That’s for customers to put in their coffee. It’s not so you can make free cups of chocolate milk.”

    (It took me almost 10 minutes to convince her I wasn’t going to make her a free cup of chocolate milk.)

    The Question Is Largely Irregular

    , | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (We run a mobile coffee van. When we go to the markets we have a sign with the prices and types of coffee that you can get. On the sign we have R $4.50, for regular size, and L $5.50 for large size.)

    Customer: “What’s the difference between left-handed and right-handed coffee?”

    Fickle Over A Nickel

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money, Politics

    (I have just completed a transaction with an otherwise calm customer. My city is right across the border from a major American city, and this customer has paid with American currency. Here, we have phased out the penny, and transactions either round up or down to the next .05 or .10.)

    Me: “That will be $6.30, please.”

    Customer: “But the screen says $6.27!”

    Me: “Yes, but we do rounding here. 27 cents rounds up to 30.”

    Customer: “Well that’s just ridiculous! I demand to see your manager! You’re trying to short change me! I know the tricks.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s just three cents—”

    Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

    (My manager, having heard all this, steps in.)

    Manager: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down. My worker here is not trying to short change you, nor is she lying to you.”

    Customer: “I want a refund!”

    Me: “You didn’t even pay yet.”

    (I glance at the money still in this hand.)

    Customer: *flustered* “Well, good! I didn’t want you taking my money anyways!”

    (He left in a huff, muttering about ‘foreign commies out to get his money.’)

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