No Meat In Their Brain, Part 3

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m working the register at a popular coffee shop chain. A woman inspects our breakfast sandwiches for a few minutes before approaching me.)

Customer: “Can I get one of the reduced fat turkey bacon sandwiches?”

Me: “I’m so sorry; we just sold out of those. Is there anything else I can offer you today?”

Customer: “Well, what else do you have that’s vegetarian?”

Related:
No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2
No Meat In Their Brain

They Have It Made

| ON, Canada | Geography, Health & Body, Transportation

(I work night shift at a very popular Canadian coffee chain. Four drunk customers walk into the store, barely able to stand. I spot a white limo outside and these customers are dressed like they’ve been out clubbing.)

Me: “Hey, there. What can I get you ladies?”

Drunk Customer: “Hey, um, I have a question?”

Me: “Yes?”

Drunk Customer: “Um, what city are we in?”

Me: *stammering* “P-pardon me?”

Drunk Customer: “Oh, my God. Are you deaf? What CITY are we in?”

Me: “Erm… you’re in between [City #1] and [City #2].”

Drunk Customer: *turns back to her friends* “OH, MY GOD, GUYS! WE MADE IT!”

(It turned out that the ladies had been gambling in Niagara Falls, about three hours away. After asking for the address of the place and reassuring me that they lived in City #1 and they were headed home (they thought), they left without asking for anything and I was left to wonder exactly how intoxicated one had to be to be that lost and that un-phased by it.)

The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 14

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading

(I’m working at the register when a regular customer (who is a man) approaches me.)

Regular: “[My Name], I have a question for you.”

Me: “Yeah, what is it?”

Regular: “Um… have you read Twilight?”

Me: “No, I haven’t actually read it.”

Regular: “Oh, thank God! I like you.”

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 13
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 12
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 11

IP Address:

Life Without Coffee Is A Scream

, | QLD, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I am a customer at a local coffee shop. There are several people in line behind me, so I order and pay and then step out of the way while the barista makes my drink.)

Barista: “One [drink I ordered]!”

(I didn’t think my drink would be ready so quickly given how busy they are, but nobody else steps forward, so I take it.)

Me: “Thanks!”

Angry Lady: “What the h***? That’s my coffee!” *to the barista* “This woman just stole my f****** coffee!”

Me: “Oh, my gosh, was this yours?”

Angry Lady: “Of course it’s f****** mine! F*** you! What gives you the right to take my coffee?”

Me: “I’m so sorry. I ordered the same thing, and nobody stepped up to take it so I thought it was mine.”

Angry Lady: “F*** you! You’re just a broke [racial slur] loitering outside a coffee shop trying to steal other people’s food! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Barista: “Actually, ma’am, this lady ordered and paid for the same drink as you. She has already apologised for her mistake, and if you just wait a moment, I’m making her drink now and you can take that one.”

Me: “I’m really sorry. I’d give this back but I already took a sip. If you take my drink we’ll both have what we ordered.”

Angry Lady: “I don’t want your f****** coffee. I want mine!”

Barista: “Ma’am, they are exactly the same, and please stop cursing. There are children here.”

Angry Lady: “Go f*** yourself!”

(She grabs the coffee out of my hand, flings it on the ground at my feet, throws the empty cup at the barista, and then storms off without a drink.)

Barista: *shrugs* “Shame she chucked that coffee on the ground. I think she needs it!”

(She finished making my drink. The angry lady was nowhere to be seen, so I took it and left. It was the best coffee I’d had all week!)

I’ll Take A Groot Beer

| Cambridge, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(Sometimes we get customers in costumes who are in good humour if we name them instead of asking their name. We have a group come in who give themselves some DC-ent and MARVEL-ous names. I’m on the bar, making the drinks.)

Me: *with the Batman cup* “Good luck with the night shifts, Dark Knight.”

Batman: “Cheers!”

Me: *Superman* “Who’s the Man of Steel?”

Superman: “That would be me!”

Me: “Sorry, dude. I don’t have chocolate; is Kryptonite okay?”

Superman: “Go for it. It’s my day off.”

Me: *Rocket cup, looking at the last in the group* “Are you Rocket?”

Rocket: “I am Groot.”

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