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    The Spice Girls Have A Lot To Answer For

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

    (I work in a very small café and there is a line heading out the door. A customer is ordering when a woman comes in and walks up to the front of the line.)

    Male Coworker: “Miss? There is a line.”

    Customer: “Ever heard of ‘ladies first’?”

    Male Coworker: “I understand that, ma’am, but you are also cutting in front of many other women who have been patiently waiting.”

    Customer: “I am a woman. I have rights! I don’t have to listen to you!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid he’s right. You do need to go to the end of the line.”

    Customer: *looking disappointed* “But…but…what about girl power?”

    A Good Icebreaker

    | Lincoln, NE, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like a hot blended mocha, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t make you a hot blended mocha, I’d be happy to make you an ice blended mocha, or a hot or iced mocha, but I can’t make a hot blended mocha.”

    Customer: “What? Why can’t I get a hot blended mocha? It’s what I want!”

    Me: “Well, a blended drink is blended with ice, so I can’t really make it hot once it’s blended with ice.”

    Customer: “Well why not? Why can’t you just blend the drink and then heat it up for me?”

    Me: “I guess I could do that ma’am, but then it wouldn’t really be a blended drink anymore. And it probably wouldn’t taste very good, to be perfectly honest.”

    Customer: “I just want a hot blended mocha. I don’t understand why this is so difficult!”

    Me: *giving up* “Okay, ma’am, you got it.”

    Customer: “Finally! Thank you!”

    (I proceed to make her a regular mocha.)

    Me: “Here’s your hot blended mocha ma’am.”

    Customer: “Mmm! Perfect! Now just remember this for next time!”

    Bread And Prejudice

    | Ireland | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Religion, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can I have a ham and cheese sandwich please?”

    Me: “Would you like that on white or brown bread?”

    Customer: “I don’t mind. I’m not prejudiced.”

    Me: “You’re not… prejudiced?”

    Customer: “Not at all, sure the other day I ate some ‘properdoms’!” (That’s how she pronounced papadums – the flat crunchy bread you get in Indian restaurants.) “They were lovely.”

    Me: “Oh good. Now what type of bread would you like?”

    (At this point a woman of another ethnicity that had been served by my co-worker leaves. Suddenly, this customer becomes visibly relieved.)

    Customer: “Give me some good, God-fearing white bread!”

    Driving All Night Will Burn Rubber

    | New Brunswick, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    (A couple in a car comes through the drive through.)

    Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

    Customer: “Do you know of anywhere around here that is open at this time of night, and sells condoms?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, everything is closed.”

    Customer: “Alright, thanks.”

    (The customer drives away, and comes back 15 minutes later.)

    Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

    Customer: “Hi, could I have a blueberry muffin wrapped in lots and lots of plastic wrap?”

    Why Can’t We All Just Get Oolong

    | Rancho Cucamonga, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “What is the difference between chai tea and Tai Chi?”

    Me: *jokingly* “Well, one is a spiced black tea, and the other is a can of whoop-a**.”

    Customer: “I think I’ll have the black tea.”