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    Serf and Turf

    | Carlsbad, NM, USA |

    Customer: “Where are all of your baked goods?!”

    Me: “We’re going to be closing here in about five minutes, and we usually don’t bring out any fresh baked goods at this time–”

    Customer: “Well, in Europe they bake all day long!”

    Me: “Well…we do things a bit differently in America. Would you perhaps like some of our half-priced baked goods?”

    Customer: “Eh, no…what’s this thing?” *pointing*

    Me: “A baguette.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’ll have that.”

    Me: “OK…would you like me to cut that up for you and give you some butter?”

    Customer: “Nah, I’ll just bite chunks off of it.”

    Me: “…”

    Male Insecurities Manifested In Mocha

    | Ohio, USA |

    Customer: “I want a mocha.”

    Me: “Okay, what size would you like?”

    Customer: “The biggest one. No froth on top, either.”

    (He pays and walks off. Assuming froth meant foam, which mochas don’t get anyways, I hand the cup to my coworker as she makes the drink. The customer returns as she finishes the mocha, adding the whipped cream on top.)

    Customer: “I said no froth! Froth is too girly!”

    Coworker: “It’s just whipped cream. I can scoop it off if you want.”

    Customer: “Nah… you can leave it on there. I just won’t tell anyone it’s in my drink!”

    Coffeeholics Anonymous

    | Radford, VA, USA |

    (A customer wanders in and stares around, sighing forlornly for a while.)

    Me: “Hello there. Are you okay?”

    Customer: *very sadly* “I just miss being able to have coffee.”

    Me: “Oh, that is sad! But we do have non-coffee drinks available if you’d like…”

    Customer: “It’s just not the same!”

    (The customer grabs a bag of ground coffee, opens it and takes a deep whiff. She then shoves it back on the shelf and runs sobbing out of the store.)

    Consideration Is Key

    | Roanoke, VA, USA |

    (A customer comes through the drive-thru two minutes before close and orders seven blended drinks. She starts talking to me through the window as I’m working on her drinks.)

    Customer: “Isn’t it so annoying when people come through ordering blended beverages right before close?”

    Me: *politely* “Well, it’s not too much of a hassle. It just takes a while to make each of them, that’s all.”

    Customer: “Oh. Then I’d like to order four more please. And can you hurry? I’m late for work.”

    Beans From The Third Rice

    | USA |

    (On Mondays we have a medium cup of coffee for a dollar deal. A woman came in to order her drink.)

    Customer: “I would like a small coffee with steamed milk.”

    Me: “OK.”

    Customer: “Actually, it’s with soy milk.”

    Me: “OK.”

    Customer: “And you know what? Make it a medium.”

    Me: “OK, that’ll be $3.18.”

    Customer: “No, it’s only a dollar.”

    Me: “But it’s steamed soy milk, that’s different from–”

    Customer: “You guys are so soy unfriendly! If I have dairy I could go into anaphylactic shock! This is ridiculous; it’s a medium coffee! It’s only extra because of soy milk – I can’t believe this!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s extra for two percent, too.”

    Customer: “You are just a soy nazi! Give me my money back; I’m going to ****. Don’t expect to see me again – this is so ridiculous! You guys aren’t going to make any money if you aren’t more soy friendly. You’re just soy nazis!”

    Me: “…”


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