Like Two Beans In A Pod

| Bellevue, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [coffee shop], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi, is this the one on Main Street in downtown?”

Me: “We’re actually part of a shopping center that is on the corner of Main Street but we’re several miles from downtown.”

Caller: “Oh, well what’s the one on Main Street?”

Me: “I don’t believe there is a [coffee shop] on Main Street downtown, Ma’am.”

Caller: “Yes, yes there is, I know there’s one on Main Street! How do I get there?”

Me: “There is a [other leading coffee chain] on Main Street downtown. Is that what you mean?”

Caller: “Yes! Can you call them for me? What’s their address?”

Me: “I don’t know, Ma’am. We’re separate companies.”

Caller: “But you both serve coffee! Doesn’t that make you the same?”

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “I came in here yesterday and ordered a chai tea and you guys gave me a mocha. That was not what I ordered!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I apologize if somehow they got messed up.”

Customer: “Well, I want some sort of gift card or compensation. I am allergic to caffeine. It could have killed me!”

Me: “You are allergic to caffeine but you ordered a chai tea? You do realize that chai is a black tea and highly caffeinated, right?”

Customer: “I meant chocolate. I am allergic to chocolate!”

(I look down at two chocolate bars in her hand.)

Me: “Really?”

Customer: “Oh f*** you!”

Peppering The Truth With Lies

| Hinton, WV, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I get a peppermint tea please?”

Me: “Okay, what size of mint tea would you like?”

Customer: “I want a large and I want a peppermint tea. Not a mint tea.”

Me: “They are both the same thing.”

Customer: “No they aren’t! Peppermint tea has pepper in it!”

A-Paul-ing Service

| Carpinteria, CA, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

(I am making drinks and I notice a small mocha for Paul. We have a regular customer named Paul who always orders a small mocha, but at that moment I couldn’t remember whether or not he liked it with whipped cream.)

Me: *calling out* “Paul? Did you want whipped cream on your mocha?”

Customer: *not a regular* “Yes, I wanted whipped cream.”

(I realize that this might be a drink for a different customer also named Paul. I add the whipped cream and hand it off with a smile.)

Me: “Here you go, a small mocha with whipped cream. Have a nice day, Paul.”

Customer: “I ordered a large.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Let me remake that for you.”

(I make a new drink, figuring that one of my co-workers might have grabbed the wrong size in the rush.)

Me: “Here’s your large mocha with whipped cream. Sorry for the mix-up, Paul.”

Customer: “I ordered a pumpkin spice latte.”

(I start my third attempt at making a drink for this customer.)

Customer: “…and my name isn’t Paul.”

Coffee Can Cause Great Dis-Stain

| New Jersey, USA | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a mocha latte cappuccino.”

Me: “Okay, which one of those would you like?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, those are three different things. A mocha, a latte, or a cappuccino?”

Customer: “No, they’re not! That’s what I want!”

Me: “Ma’am, technically–”

Customer: “Just get me what my husband always orders!”

Me: “What does your husband always order?”

Customer: “You know, some…coffee thing!”

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