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    Maybe He’s Italian?

    | Bay Area, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I’ll take a small cappuccino.”

    Me: “Sure. Anything else today?”

    Customer: “Just a small cappuccino.”

    Me: “Okay, I got that. May I have your name please?”

    Customer: “Small cappuccino.”

    Me: “No, sir, I need your name for the order so we can call it out when your order’s ready.”

    Customer: *tries to save face* “Err…Small Cappuccino. My name is Small Cappuccino!”

    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a decaf espresso.”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

    (I deliver the espresso to the table.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but asked for decaf.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am.”

    Customer: “But this isn’t decaf.”

    Me: “I assure you, madam, that it is decaf. We use different machines for decaf and regular.”

    Customer: *gesturing at the crema* “But I can SEE the caffeine!”

    Wait Until They See The Espresso

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “Hello, How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I would like just a plain coffee.”

    Me: “Okay, what size would you like?”

    Customer: “No, no, no, I just want good old-fashioned coffee.”

    Me: “Okay, what size would you like?”

    Customer: “Oh, just the regular size.”

    Me: “Tall, Grande, or Venti?”

    Customer: “No, no, no just plain old coffee.”

    Me: “Ma’am would you like a small, medium, or large?”

    Customer: “Well what’s the difference?”

    Me: “The size. They are all different sizes.”

    Customer: “Give me a small.”

    (I hand her the small coffee.)

    Customer: “God d*** modern coffee houses and their God d*** midget-drinks!”

    Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Consumer

    | Long Island, NY, USA |

    (I was closing one night, and it was slow. A nervous-looking man came in and went to go order his drink.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to ****! What can I get for you this evening?”

    Customer: “Um…yes. Can I get a coffee?”

    Me: “OK, anything else tonight?”

    Customer: “Yes…” *takes out piece of paper* “An iced venti unsweetened black tea.”

    Me: “OK, your total is $4.30.”

    Customer: *frowns* “How much is the iced tea?”

    Me: “It’s $2.28…do you want me to take it off?”

    Customer: “No…you see, I’m on a blind date. My date told me that her regular drink at **** was this iced tea…and also that the price of the iced tea is her weight.”

    Brogue On A Dime

    | Ireland | Top

    (Although I am an American, I have lived in Ireland for the past 10 years.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [coffee shop]. what can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Are you even from here?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Are you even from Ireland?”

    Me: “Well, my family is Irish, but I was born in America.”

    Customer: “And they let you work in an authentic Irish coffee shop?!”

    Me: “Well, yes. I’ve lived here for years, so I guess they thought it was okay to hire me.”

    Customer: “But this is so inauthentic! You don’t even have the right accent!”

    Me: *with Irish accent* “Why, of course I do, luv! What are you sayin’, I don’t have the right accent?”

    Customer: *flustered* “But…but…you…”

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