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    Smooth Whipped Criminal

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    (We’d just opened one Sunday when a man comes in and robs us at gunpoint. During the robbery, the robber makes us lock the doors so no customers can come in. After he leaves, we were so upset that we didn’t think to unlock the doors. While we wait for the police to arrive, another man knocks on the door.)

    Customer: “Are you open? I’d like to get a coffee.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we’ve just been robbed at gunpoint, so we’re a little freaked out.”

    Customer: “Well, did he steal the coffee? I can still get a latte, right?!”

    Takes One To Snow One

    | USA |

    Customer: “My goodness, this line is crazy! I’ve been in line ten minutes already! Why aren’t there more employees assisting us? Who is the manager here?”

    Me: “Sir, I apologize for the delay. Due to the snow, I’ve had multiple employees call in saying they are unable to safely come to work this morning.”

    Customer: “Well, that is just ridiculous! So an employee can decide that they don’t have to show up for work?”

    Me: “If an employee feels they cannot safely report to work during severe weather conditions, we ask that they make their personal safety their primary concern.”

    Customer: “Must be nice! You can just call and pretend to be concerned for your personal safety and then just take the day off? Makes you wonder what you people would do if you ever got a real job! It’s a good thing this isn’t making me late for my job today.”

    (I seize on the opportunity and try to change the subject.)

    Me: “Yes, I notice you’re in rather later than normal this morning. Are you on vacation?”

    Customer: “No! I have the day off! My office is closed!”

    Me: “Oh, how nice! Any particular reason you are closed today?”

    Customer: “Duh, the snow! Maybe you’ve noticed it? Are you blind or just stupid?!”

    Latte In The Translation

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Customer: “I want a vanilla iced latte.”

    Cashier: “Okay, anything else?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (I make the drink for the customer and give it to her.)

    Me: “Here you are, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What is this? It isn’t a vanilla iced latte!”

    Me: “Yes it is, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What? No! I said I wanted a vanilla iced LA…TEA!”

    Me: “I’m not sure what you mean… we do have iced tea.”

    Customer: “I wanted a LA-TEA!”

    Customer’s husband: “She wants an iced coffee.”

    Customer: “Yes! Why are you people so stupid?! I always say the wrong thing. You should know by now what I want!”

    The Aura-oma Of Fresh Coffee

    | Lakeville, MN, USA |

    (A customer orders a Zebra Mocha, but requests ‘love’. I add the note ‘Please make with love!’ to the order. I give the drink to her, and she takes a sip.)

    Customer: “Hey! I wanted it made with LOVE! I can taste the despair and hatred!”

    Me: “Sorry, do you want me to remake it?”

    Customer: “No! I want someone else to make it. You reek of hate and despair and sadness. I want LOVE!”

    Me: “Um…okay. Well, I’m the only one here, so can I give you a refund or remake it?”

    Customer: “Fine, but remember the LOVE.”

    Me: *remakes drink* “Here you go…honey!”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    If The Brew Fits…

    | California, USA |

    (We’ve run out of flat lids for our large cold drinks, so we’re using the domed ones instead.)

    Coworker: “I have a large iced green tea ready.”

    Customer: “Does it LOOK like I want whipped cream on that!?”

    Coworker: “I’m really sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately we are all out of the flat lids for the venti sized drinks. I have to put a dome lid–”

    (The customer points to small-sized flat lids.)

    Customer: “Those are flat lids!”

    Coworker: “Actually, those only fit our small iced cups.”

    (The customer rolls her eyes, grabs a small flat lid, and tries to put it on her large cup. Because it’s smaller, the lid falls into her drink and spills tea all over the counter.)

    Customer: “WHY WON’T THIS FIT!?”

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