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    Time For An Allergic Retraction

    | Colorado, USA | Top

    Customer: “Can I have the breakfast sandwich without tomato, please?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but the sandwich is pre-made. You can just take the tomato off it, if you want.”

    Customer: “No! I’m extremely allergic to tomatoes. That could kill me!”

    Me: “Well, if you want to wait five minutes or so, I’ll make you one special without tomatoes.”

    Customer: “That would be great.”

    (I go to the kitchen, wash everything that might have touched a tomato, and make the guy a sandwich. I come back out and hand it to him.)

    Customer: “Thanks. You got any ketchup?”

    Barking Up Your Own Tree

    | Maryland, USA |

    (Note: our coffee shop shares a building with a Mexican fast food place.)

    Me: “Good afternoon. This is [coffee shop], *** speaking.”

    Caller: “Hey, are you guys right beside [Mexican fast food place]?”

    Me: “Yeah, just come in the same door.”

    Caller: “Actually, I want to order from them, but they aren’t answering their phone.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Their manager comes in here fairly often. I’ll let him know he’s missing calls.”

    Caller: “Will you go over and place my order for me and have it delivered?”

    Me: “Ahh‚ĶI can’t do that. I don’t work for them.”

    Caller: “Please? It will just take a moment.¬†I can’t leave work.”

    Me: “Neither can I, sir.”

    Maybe He’s Italian?

    | Bay Area, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I’ll take a small cappuccino.”

    Me: “Sure. Anything else today?”

    Customer: “Just a small cappuccino.”

    Me: “Okay, I got that. May I have your name please?”

    Customer: “Small cappuccino.”

    Me: “No, sir, I need your name for the order so we can call it out when your order’s ready.”

    Customer: *tries to save face* “Err…Small Cappuccino. My name is Small Cappuccino!”

    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a decaf espresso.”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

    (I deliver the espresso to the table.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but asked for decaf.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am.”

    Customer: “But this isn’t decaf.”

    Me: “I assure you, madam, that it is decaf. We use different machines for decaf and regular.”

    Customer: *gesturing at the crema* “But I can SEE the caffeine!”

    Wait Until They See The Espresso

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “Hello, How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I would like just a plain coffee.”

    Me: “Okay, what size would you like?”

    Customer: “No, no, no, I just want good old-fashioned coffee.”

    Me: “Okay, what size would you like?”

    Customer: “Oh, just the regular size.”

    Me: “Tall, Grande, or Venti?”

    Customer: “No, no, no just plain old coffee.”

    Me: “Ma’am would you like a small, medium, or large?”

    Customer: “Well what’s the difference?”

    Me: “The size. They are all different sizes.”

    Customer: “Give me a small.”

    (I hand her the small coffee.)

    Customer: “God d*** modern coffee houses and their God d*** midget-drinks!”

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