A Good Icebreaker

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hello, I’d like a hot blended mocha, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t make you a hot blended mocha, I’d be happy to make you an ice blended mocha, or a hot or iced mocha, but I can’t make a hot blended mocha.”

Customer: “What? Why can’t I get a hot blended mocha? It’s what I want!”

Me: “Well, a blended drink is blended with ice, so I can’t really make it hot once it’s blended with ice.”

Customer: “Well why not? Why can’t you just blend the drink and then heat it up for me?”

Me: “I guess I could do that ma’am, but then it wouldn’t really be a blended drink anymore. And it probably wouldn’t taste very good, to be perfectly honest.”

Customer: “I just want a hot blended mocha. I don’t understand why this is so difficult!”

Me: *giving up* “Okay, ma’am, you got it.”

Customer: “Finally! Thank you!”

(I proceed to make her a regular mocha.)

Me: “Here’s your hot blended mocha ma’am.”

Customer: “Mmm! Perfect! Now just remember this for next time!”

Bread And Prejudice

| Ireland | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Religion, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I have a ham and cheese sandwich please?”

Me: “Would you like that on white or brown bread?”

Customer: “I don’t mind. I’m not prejudiced.”

Me: “You’re not… prejudiced?”

Customer: “Not at all, sure the other day I ate some ‘properdoms’!” (That’s how she pronounced papadums – the flat crunchy bread you get in Indian restaurants.) “They were lovely.”

Me: “Oh good. Now what type of bread would you like?”

(At this point a woman of another ethnicity that had been served by my co-worker leaves. Suddenly, this customer becomes visibly relieved.)

Customer: “Give me some good, God-fearing white bread!”

Driving All Night Will Burn Rubber

| New Brunswick, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(A couple in a car comes through the drive through.)

Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

Customer: “Do you know of anywhere around here that is open at this time of night, and sells condoms?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, everything is closed.”

Customer: “Alright, thanks.”

(The customer drives away, and comes back 15 minutes later.)

Me: “Hello, [Store Name], may I take your order?”

Customer: “Hi, could I have a blueberry muffin wrapped in lots and lots of plastic wrap?”

Why Can’t We All Just Get Oolong

| Rancho Cucamonga, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What is the difference between chai tea and Tai Chi?”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, one is a spiced black tea, and the other is a can of whoop-a**.”

Customer: “I think I’ll have the black tea.”

Making Phoney Claims

| Calabasas, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Top

(A female customer has just left the store after receiving her order. She then returns, extremely agitated.)

Customer: “My phone is missing!”

Me: “Did you leave it in the store?”

Customer: “Of course not! I’m not stupid. It was in my car!”

Me: “I’m sorry, no one’s turned in a phone.”

(The customer then proceeds to search all over the not-exactly-large shop, including overturning the wastebasket in the restroom and questioning other patrons. Meanwhile, I take my rather expensive touch-screen phone to check the time.)

Customer: “Hey, that’s my phone!”

Me: “No, it’s not. It’s mine.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! People who work someplace like this can’t afford phones like that! Is that why you made my order take so long? So you could steal my phone?”

Me: “Are you saying while your coffee was being made, I snuck out the back door, ran around the building, found the one car in the parking lot that belonged to you, broke in, stole your phone, and got back in time to help the next customer in line?”

Customer: “So you admit it! I’m calling the police!”

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