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  • Upside (Down) Your (Empty) Head

    | Commack, NY, USA |

    Me: “Here are your 2 triple venti whole milk upside down caramel macchiatos, both with extra caramel. Have a great day!”

    Customer: “Oh no, those aren’t mine! They’re hot.”

    Me: “Didn’t you order the 2 triple venti whole milk upside
    down caramel macchiatos with extra caramel?”

    Customer: “Yeah exactly, upside down. That’s cold. I want them cold. Like with ice. I said upside down, that’s what it means.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, upside down doesn’t mean iced. Iced means iced.”

    Customer: “Really? So can you make them again with upside down ice?”

    Bananas Can Taste Of Bitter Disappointment

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (We sell bananas next to the cash register with a sign fixture that reads: ‘Bananas – 90 cents!’.)

    Me: “Here’s your tall coffee, sir.”

    Customer: *looking at bananas* “Oh, so that’s what you call them! ‘Tropical Paradise Bars’. I’ve been calling them bananas my whole life!”

    (I see the banana sign has accidentally been flipped over to read ‘Tropical Paradise Bars – $2.25’.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s the wrong sign.” *flips sign back over*

    Customer: “Oh. Never mind then.” *walks away looking disappointed*

    Purell-y Out Of His Mind

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    Customer: “Mmm, it smells great in here! I sure do love the coffee here at [coffee shop]!”

    Me: “Well, I’m glad! Would you like a coffee then?”

    Customer: “So tell me, how do you brew your coffee here? Is this your coffee making machine?”

    Me: “Yes sir, it is.”

    Customer: “Tell me, young woman, how does this machine work? How do you clean it?”

    Me: “Well, we put coffee in these baskets, and it brews in to these pots. We clean them with–”

    Customer: “Because, see, I have a fantastic business idea for you! It will be a great investment opportunity, a revolutionary way to brew coffee! I will share stock with you, if you help me!”

    Me: “Sir, if you have a suggestion, your best bet would be to submit it to [company website]. I don’t control what equipment we use or how we brew coffee. Can I get you a drink?”

    Customer: “Because, see, I love coffee! But my clothes are never clean! And you know that sanitizer stuff…what’s it called…Purell?”

    Me: “Uhh…I guess.”

    Customer: “Right! So, see…what you need to do is put the Purell in the coffee and then brew it. Then, when I drink the coffee, it will be sanitized, and when the coffee seeps out my pores, it will clean my clothes while I am wearing them! It is revolutionary!”

    Me: “Sir, again, I don’t control operations here, so you need to submit this idea to our corporate office. I can’t help you.”

    Customer: “It will save so much time! I have a whole system worked out. I call it ‘Pizazz.’ Would you like to be a shareholder with me? We will make so much money!”

    Me: “No, thank you.”

    Customer: “PIZAZZ! Don’t you get it? Pores. Clothes. Cleaning! Would anybody else that works here like to buy stock?”

    Me: “Sir, I doubt it.”

    Customer: “Okay, thank you so very much for your time. It will be a revolution! You are beautiful!” *wanders out the door, still rambling about his big idea*

    No Shirt, No Brains, No Service

    | Waterloo, ON, Canada |

    (Although I normally work nights, I’m taking another drive-thru shift for a friend.)

    Me: “Welcome to [coffee shop]. May I take your order, please?”

    Customer: “Chicken wrap guy.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Chicken wrap guy.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not the girl that normally works drive-thru. We switched shifts.”

    Customer: “So you don’t know my order then?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but I don’t. What would you like?”

    Customer: “Crap. Now I have to remember what I eat!”

    Cup Is Half Full, Brain Is Sadly Not

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Do you have decaf?”

    Me: “We do. What size would you like?”

    Customer: “Well, I was wondering if I could have half decaf and half regular?”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    Customer: “If I do that, which one will be on the top?”

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