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    It Reminds Her Of A Full Moon

    | Bangor, ME, USA |

    (Note: Our coffee shop offers a punch card where ten coffees equals a free bagel.)

    Supervisor: “Yes, ma’am? What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “This girl will not get me a muffin! I have a punch card!”

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, the punch card is for a free bagel, not a muffin. I’d be more than happy to get you that bagel.”

    Customer: “No! I want a muffin! Get me a muffin instead!”

    Supervisor: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But muffins are more expensive than bagels. I can’t do that, it’s against policy.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’m never coming here again!”

    Supervisor: “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I can’t have bagels after dark!” *leaves the store*

    Please Insert Coffee To Continue

    | Connecticut, USA |

    (While working at the drive-thru, a customer puts in a lengthy order. Before I can tell him the price, he peels out, driving up to the window.)

    Me: “That will be $21.54, please…” *I take his money* “May I please ask that you pull up just a bit? We’ll have someone run your order out to you as soon as it’s done.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “Sir, can you please pull forward?”

    Customer: “I don’t have my order yet.”

    Me: “Sir, you had a large order. We’re going to get it for you, but some of what you asked for takes time. We’ll bring it to you. But we need to keep the line moving too.”

    Customer: *no response*

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “Yes?”

    Me: “Can you please drive up?”

    Customer: “But I don’t have my order…”

    (I try to hand him the first tray of drinks, but he ignores them. Same thing goes for the sandwiches. In a last ditch effort, I hand him his coffee. He accepts the coffee but immediately drives off, leaving $18.46 in change, 4 sandwiches, and 3 frozen drinks. He never returned for the rest of his order.)

    My Cup And My Joe

    | Fairfax, VA, USA |

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card?”

    Customer: “Yes!” *gives email* “That’s my husband’s email.”

    Me: “Oh, lots of people share accounts, it’s okay. It helps you get rewards faster.”

    Customer: “My husband’s really handsome…but he’s mine!” *glares at me*

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “He’s handsome and he’s mine!”

    Co-worker: “Uh, medium mocha at the bar?”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s mine!” *glares at me* “Like my husband!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Smooth Whipped Criminal

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    (We’d just opened one Sunday when a man comes in and robs us at gunpoint. During the robbery, the robber makes us lock the doors so no customers can come in. After he leaves, we were so upset that we didn’t think to unlock the doors. While we wait for the police to arrive, another man knocks on the door.)

    Customer: “Are you open? I’d like to get a coffee.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we’ve just been robbed at gunpoint, so we’re a little freaked out.”

    Customer: “Well, did he steal the coffee? I can still get a latte, right?!”

    Takes One To Snow One

    | USA |

    Customer: “My goodness, this line is crazy! I’ve been in line ten minutes already! Why aren’t there more employees assisting us? Who is the manager here?”

    Me: “Sir, I apologize for the delay. Due to the snow, I’ve had multiple employees call in saying they are unable to safely come to work this morning.”

    Customer: “Well, that is just ridiculous! So an employee can decide that they don’t have to show up for work?”

    Me: “If an employee feels they cannot safely report to work during severe weather conditions, we ask that they make their personal safety their primary concern.”

    Customer: “Must be nice! You can just call and pretend to be concerned for your personal safety and then just take the day off? Makes you wonder what you people would do if you ever got a real job! It’s a good thing this isn’t making me late for my job today.”

    (I seize on the opportunity and try to change the subject.)

    Me: “Yes, I notice you’re in rather later than normal this morning. Are you on vacation?”

    Customer: “No! I have the day off! My office is closed!”

    Me: “Oh, how nice! Any particular reason you are closed today?”

    Customer: “Duh, the snow! Maybe you’ve noticed it? Are you blind or just stupid?!”

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