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    Milk That Lie Dry

    | Thunder Bay, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Here’s your smoothie, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, does this have milk in it? I have a violent reaction to milk! I can’t have milk.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. There’s 2% in it. I can make it with a protein powder but that may have milk products in it.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I can’t have it. Just make me a hot chocolate.”

    Me: “Ma’am, to make that, I have to use milk.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I can have milk if it’s hot chocolate.”

    Me: “Alrighty.”

    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded

    | Petersburg, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Where’s your normal coffee?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I just want a bag of normal coffee, not flavored.
    Where’s your normal coffee?”

    Me: “Oh, all of the coffees on the left side of the shelf are unflavored.”

    Customer: “No, they’re all flavored.  They all say different flavors, like  ’Ethiopia’.”

    Me: “No, those aren’t flavors. All the ones with a country name are just normal, black coffees like you want. The country name is where the coffee was grown.”

    Customer: “What! There’s no such country as Ethiopia!”

    Me: “Well, it’s very far away, in Africa.”

    Customer: “If you say so. So the ones with country names aren’t flavored?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “Fine. I’ll take the stuff from France.”

    Me: “Coffee doesn’t grow in France…”

    Customer: “Yeah, that French Vanilla.”

    Post-Grammatic Stress

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (I have just completed a transaction and given the customer their coffee.)

    Me: “Have a great day!”

    Customer: “What did you say to me?”

    Me: “I said have a great day.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. I am an English teacher. It’s impossible to have a great day. Something will always go wrong to prevent ‘great’ from being the correct adjective to describe ‘day’. I find you wishing me the impossible insulting.”

    Me: “Have a decent day?”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    (The customer sits down to eat near the register and opens a book. Another customer orders and pays.)

    Me: “Have a great day!”

    Original Customer: “I heard that!”

    Upside (Down) Your (Empty) Head

    | Commack, NY, USA |

    Me: “Here are your 2 triple venti whole milk upside down caramel macchiatos, both with extra caramel. Have a great day!”

    Customer: “Oh no, those aren’t mine! They’re hot.”

    Me: “Didn’t you order the 2 triple venti whole milk upside
    down caramel macchiatos with extra caramel?”

    Customer: “Yeah exactly, upside down. That’s cold. I want them cold. Like with ice. I said upside down, that’s what it means.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, upside down doesn’t mean iced. Iced means iced.”

    Customer: “Really? So can you make them again with upside down ice?”

    Bananas Can Taste Of Bitter Disappointment

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (We sell bananas next to the cash register with a sign fixture that reads: ‘Bananas – 90 cents!’.)

    Me: “Here’s your tall coffee, sir.”

    Customer: *looking at bananas* “Oh, so that’s what you call them! ‘Tropical Paradise Bars’. I’ve been calling them bananas my whole life!”

    (I see the banana sign has accidentally been flipped over to read ‘Tropical Paradise Bars – $2.25’.)

    Me: “Oh, that’s the wrong sign.” *flips sign back over*

    Customer: “Oh. Never mind then.” *walks away looking disappointed*

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