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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Sick Of Waiting

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body

    (A woman is several places back in line is with her son who is about 8 years old.)

    Customer’s Son: “Mom? I don’t feel good.”

    Customer: “Hang on, honey. Mommy is going to get her coffee and then she will take you to the restroom.”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom? I feel really sick.”

    (I look up and see the boy is very pale and breathing heavy.)

    Me: “Ma’am? If you would like to take your son to the restroom, we will save your place in line.”

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. We will wait.”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom. I really need the bathroom. I don’t feel good.”

    Customer: “Honey, just wait. We’ll be done in a few minutes.”

    My manager: “Ma’am, please take your son to the restroom. We’ll make your drink while you are in there. On the house. Please!”

    Customer: “No! He will have to wait.”

    (The customer’s son begins to gag and the customers near him move away from, all of them begging her to take him to the restroom immediately. A few even offer to take him themselves.)

    Customer: “I said No! He is just doing this for attention. If you ignore him he will stop.”

    Me: “Ma’am, for the last time. Please take your son to the–”

    (Customer’s son bends over and begins vomiting on the floor.)

    My manager: “Please! Get him out of here!”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to lose my place in line.”

    My manager: “Ma’am, either get him to the restroom or get him outside. Now!”

    Customer: *in a huff* “Well, fine! He’s only doing this for attention!”

    (The customer comes out 5 minutes later leading her fully recovered son by the hand. As I a finish mopping her the boy’s breakfast off the floor she collects her free coffee drink, smiles and leaves, calling out…)

    Customer: “Thank you very much. See you all tomorrow!”

    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded, Part 2

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Language & Words

    Customer:  ”Gimme 1 tall coffee.”

    Me: “Okay. Would you like room for cream?”

    Customer: “No, d*** it! I just want American coffee; no ice cream, mayonnaise, whipped cream or any of that crap! Can’t I just buy a d*** cup of American coffee!?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir.  What flavor would you like today?”

    Customer: “Sumatra.”

    Related:
    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded

    Milk That Lie Dry

    | Thunder Bay, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Here’s your smoothie, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, does this have milk in it? I have a violent reaction to milk! I can’t have milk.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. There’s 2% in it. I can make it with a protein powder but that may have milk products in it.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I can’t have it. Just make me a hot chocolate.”

    Me: “Ma’am, to make that, I have to use milk.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I can have milk if it’s hot chocolate.”

    Me: “Alrighty.”

    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded

    | Petersburg, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Where’s your normal coffee?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I just want a bag of normal coffee, not flavored.
    Where’s your normal coffee?”

    Me: “Oh, all of the coffees on the left side of the shelf are unflavored.”

    Customer: “No, they’re all flavored.  They all say different flavors, like  ’Ethiopia’.”

    Me: “No, those aren’t flavors. All the ones with a country name are just normal, black coffees like you want. The country name is where the coffee was grown.”

    Customer: “What! There’s no such country as Ethiopia!”

    Me: “Well, it’s very far away, in Africa.”

    Customer: “If you say so. So the ones with country names aren’t flavored?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “Fine. I’ll take the stuff from France.”

    Me: “Coffee doesn’t grow in France…”

    Customer: “Yeah, that French Vanilla.”

    Post-Grammatic Stress

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (I have just completed a transaction and given the customer their coffee.)

    Me: “Have a great day!”

    Customer: “What did you say to me?”

    Me: “I said have a great day.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. I am an English teacher. It’s impossible to have a great day. Something will always go wrong to prevent ‘great’ from being the correct adjective to describe ‘day’. I find you wishing me the impossible insulting.”

    Me: “Have a decent day?”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    (The customer sits down to eat near the register and opens a book. Another customer orders and pays.)

    Me: “Have a great day!”

    Original Customer: “I heard that!”

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