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  • His Attitude Speaks Volumes
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    No Shirt, No Brains, No Service

    | Waterloo, ON, Canada |

    (Although I normally work nights, I’m taking another drive-thru shift for a friend.)

    Me: “Welcome to [coffee shop]. May I take your order, please?”

    Customer: “Chicken wrap guy.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Chicken wrap guy.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not the girl that normally works drive-thru. We switched shifts.”

    Customer: “So you don’t know my order then?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but I don’t. What would you like?”

    Customer: “Crap. Now I have to remember what I eat!”

    Cup Is Half Full, Brain Is Sadly Not

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Do you have decaf?”

    Me: “We do. What size would you like?”

    Customer: “Well, I was wondering if I could have half decaf and half regular?”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    Customer: “If I do that, which one will be on the top?”

    May We Suggest The Decaf

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Coworker: “Hi there, what can we get you today?”

    Customer: “I want a mocha with THIS much coffee in it.”

    Coworker: “Alright, so about two inches of brewed coffee as well as the espresso and all the other stuff?”

    Customer: “What is it with you people? How come every time I go here, you have to ask me a million questions? Are you all stupid? All I want is a mocha with coffee!”

    Me: “We just want to make sure we make your drink the way you want it.”

    Customer: “So what? I don’t care! I’m not answering anymore questions! Just make me my drink!”

    Me: “Okay, so I’m just going to put coffee in the cup with–”

    Customer: “No! No, no, no, not coffee! Mocha! MOCHA! Mocha with THIS much coffee!”

    Me: “So, no coffee. Do you just want a mocha with two inches of espresso then? It usually only comes with–”

    Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! You are all idiots! Let me tell you step by step how to do it. First, walk over to that machine over there and put that brown stuff, COFFEE, into the cup to THIS line and then add the shot…and chocolate…and milk!”

    Me: “So you do want brewed coffee in it?”

    Customer: “JUST DO IT!”

    A Mockery Of The Language

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Customer #1: “Two coffees, please.”

    Customer #2: “Milk in mine.”

    Me: “Sounds great. One regular coffee, one cafe au lait.”

    Customer #1: “What did you say?”

    Me: “Uh, cafe au lait.”

    Customer #1: “I’ve never heard that before.”

    Customer #2: “That’s ’cause it’s Mexican. Café O-L-E. Olé. I swear they’re taking over!”

    Craz-E

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA |

    Me: *on the drive-thru intercom* “Welcome to [coffee company]. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I need an ‘E’.”

    (The customer immediately pulls away from the intercom.)

    Me: “What the heck’s an ‘E’?”

    Coworker: “Oh, that’s for [famous lawyer]. I don’t remember exactly what it is, but he always expects us to know it. He won’t explain it if you ask. Try a [incredibly complicated drink].”

    (The customer refuses to make small talk, and we notice him dump his coffee out his car window as he drives away.)

    Coworker: “We must not have got it right. He’ll try the location down the street next.”


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