Lost In No Translation

| The Hague, Netherlands | Language & Words, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(A lost-looking tourist enters the shop.)

Tourist: “Do any of y’all speak American?”

Me: *joking* “I’m sorry, but we can only speak English.”

Tourist: “Okay, sorry to bother you.” *leaves*

Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself

| Oslo, Norway | Top

(I am working as a barista in a small coffee shop in a mall, located right next to the escalators. There’s a large window between the shop and the escalators, so I can see people going up and down. I’m having a very good day and making espresso when all of the sudden the escalators stop. A very stressed woman comes running around the corner, looking very angry.)

Customer: *waving with both hands* “Will you stop that!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh my God! I have my shopping cart in the escalators and it’s my sons birthday! Turn it back on!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t fix the escalator. There will probably be a service man her any minute.”

Customer: “I saw you pressing the buttons on that machine!” *points to the espresso machine* “You were laughing and then the escalator stopped. And now my son is stuck. It’s his birthday!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is an espresso machine. It makes coffee. I laughed because I’m in a good mood. There will be someone her soon to–”

Customer: “Then make another coffee, and start it again! And wipe that smile off your face!”

Related:
Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems

The Spice Girls Have A Lot To Answer For

| Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

(I work in a very small café and there is a line heading out the door. A customer is ordering when a woman comes in and walks up to the front of the line.)

Male Coworker: “Miss? There is a line.”

Customer: “Ever heard of ‘ladies first’?”

Male Coworker: “I understand that, ma’am, but you are also cutting in front of many other women who have been patiently waiting.”

Customer: “I am a woman. I have rights! I don’t have to listen to you!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid he’s right. You do need to go to the end of the line.”

Customer: *looking disappointed* “But…but…what about girl power?”

A Good Icebreaker

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hello, I’d like a hot blended mocha, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t make you a hot blended mocha, I’d be happy to make you an ice blended mocha, or a hot or iced mocha, but I can’t make a hot blended mocha.”

Customer: “What? Why can’t I get a hot blended mocha? It’s what I want!”

Me: “Well, a blended drink is blended with ice, so I can’t really make it hot once it’s blended with ice.”

Customer: “Well why not? Why can’t you just blend the drink and then heat it up for me?”

Me: “I guess I could do that ma’am, but then it wouldn’t really be a blended drink anymore. And it probably wouldn’t taste very good, to be perfectly honest.”

Customer: “I just want a hot blended mocha. I don’t understand why this is so difficult!”

Me: *giving up* “Okay, ma’am, you got it.”

Customer: “Finally! Thank you!”

(I proceed to make her a regular mocha.)

Me: “Here’s your hot blended mocha ma’am.”

Customer: “Mmm! Perfect! Now just remember this for next time!”

Bread And Prejudice

| Ireland | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Religion, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I have a ham and cheese sandwich please?”

Me: “Would you like that on white or brown bread?”

Customer: “I don’t mind. I’m not prejudiced.”

Me: “You’re not… prejudiced?”

Customer: “Not at all, sure the other day I ate some ‘properdoms’!” (That’s how she pronounced papadums – the flat crunchy bread you get in Indian restaurants.) “They were lovely.”

Me: “Oh good. Now what type of bread would you like?”

(At this point a woman of another ethnicity that had been served by my co-worker leaves. Suddenly, this customer becomes visibly relieved.)

Customer: “Give me some good, God-fearing white bread!”

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