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    Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

    Me: “That’ll be $*.**. Also, would you also like to make a donation to our water conservation fund?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “It helps to save habitats for animals and–”

    Customer: “But why would we need to pay for that? Water doesn’t run out. I’ve left my faucets on all day and water came out the whole time! And besides I only drink coffee, not water.”

    Customer Service With Zeal

    | USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Oh, I just love your accent! Are you British?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m a New Zealander.”

    Customer: “Are you Aussie?”

    Me: “No, I’m a New Zealander.”

    Customer: “Is that part of Australia?”

    Me: “No. We are part of the commonwealth, though.”

    Customer: “New Ziland?”

    Me: “New Zealand.”

    Customer: “True New Zealanders say New Ziland.”

    Me: “I am from New Zealand.”

    Customer: “Prove it!”

    Me: “Would you like some ice-cream from the chilly bin to enjoy at your bach with the whanau? It’s a tropical five degrees outside, miss.”

    Customer: “That wasn’t kiwi, that was gibberish!”

    Me: “Actually, most kiwis would understand that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No way! Prove you’re a New Zealander!”

    Me: *out of desperation* “Sweet! I’m beached as, bro!”

    Customer: “I believe you now!”

    Must Be A Missed Steak

    | Santa Barbara, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Oh you have new pastries! They look great!”

    Me: “Those are our new vegan baked goods. They’re also organic.”

    Customer: “Ew! I never eat anything vegan!”

    Me: “I doubt that. A lot of stuff is vegan. French fries are vegan.”

    Customer: *looking mortified* “There’s no meat in French fries?!”

    Sick Of Waiting

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body

    (A woman is several places back in line is with her son who is about 8 years old.)

    Customer’s Son: “Mom? I don’t feel good.”

    Customer: “Hang on, honey. Mommy is going to get her coffee and then she will take you to the restroom.”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom? I feel really sick.”

    (I look up and see the boy is very pale and breathing heavy.)

    Me: “Ma’am? If you would like to take your son to the restroom, we will save your place in line.”

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. We will wait.”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom. I really need the bathroom. I don’t feel good.”

    Customer: “Honey, just wait. We’ll be done in a few minutes.”

    My manager: “Ma’am, please take your son to the restroom. We’ll make your drink while you are in there. On the house. Please!”

    Customer: “No! He will have to wait.”

    (The customer’s son begins to gag and the customers near him move away from, all of them begging her to take him to the restroom immediately. A few even offer to take him themselves.)

    Customer: “I said No! He is just doing this for attention. If you ignore him he will stop.”

    Me: “Ma’am, for the last time. Please take your son to the–”

    (Customer’s son bends over and begins vomiting on the floor.)

    My manager: “Please! Get him out of here!”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to lose my place in line.”

    My manager: “Ma’am, either get him to the restroom or get him outside. Now!”

    Customer: *in a huff* “Well, fine! He’s only doing this for attention!”

    (The customer comes out 5 minutes later leading her fully recovered son by the hand. As I a finish mopping her the boy’s breakfast off the floor she collects her free coffee drink, smiles and leaves, calling out…)

    Customer: “Thank you very much. See you all tomorrow!”

    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded, Part 2

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Language & Words

    Customer:  ”Gimme 1 tall coffee.”

    Me: “Okay. Would you like room for cream?”

    Customer: “No, d*** it! I just want American coffee; no ice cream, mayonnaise, whipped cream or any of that crap! Can’t I just buy a d*** cup of American coffee!?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir.  What flavor would you like today?”

    Customer: “Sumatra.”

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    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded

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