Espresso Cafe | Wellington, New Zealand
(I work at a city cafe and we open early and get a lot of stupid obviously not morning people coming in. This one woman ordered 2 coffees.)
Me: “Here you go, two large flat whites.”
Customer: *takes a sip* “You know, these aren’t really hot. Your coffee isn’t cheap you know. It’s not good enough.”
Me: “I’m sorry, here, let me make you another one.”
(I make her the coffees over, this time as hot as I can without burning the milk.)
Customer: “Look, seriously, they’re still too cold. Make them again!”
(I make the coffees again, this time burning the milk so badly it stinks, burning the coffee shot, and generally doing everything I can to make it a crap coffee. It is, however, really hot.)
Me: “Here you go, I hope thats a bit better. If you still aren’t satisfied, I can give you a refund.”
Customer: *takes big sip* “FINALLY, THANK you. Would it have been that hard to make it like this before?”
(The only explanation I can think of is that drinking too much hot coffee has burned off her tastebuds.)
Coffee Shop | Lexington, MA, USA
(There is a huge line of customers waiting on their drinks. An impatient customer who just placed his order assumes the next drink is his and takes it, after I call someone else’s name.)
Customer: “This isn’t hot chocolate.”
Me: “That’s because you grabbed someone else’s drink.”
Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate!”
Me: “There are nine people in front of you waiting for drinks. You grabbed the wrong drink.”
Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate.”
(I look at the order screen for the name on the drink he took.)
Me: “Is your name ***?”
Customer: “No, and this isn’t hot chocolate!”
Me: “That’s because you took ****’s drink!”
Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”
Me: “Hand me the drink and I will remake the person who’s drink you took. I’ll make your hot chocolate, but it will take a few minutes!!”
(Customer hands the drink back to me.)
Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”
Coffee Shop | Canada
(A lady walks into the cafe, i just happen to be standing by the counter with my coworker.)
Woman: “I’ll have *order* please”
Coworker: “Okay, that’s $1.47.”
(I make the coffee.)
Woman: *leans in and whispers to me* “Excuse me?”
Me: “Yes?”
Woman: “What exactly is an ‘Emo’?”
Coffee Shop | Los Angeles, CA, USA
(At the front bar of a certain coffee shop, as I’m In the middle of making a caramel macchiato.)
Old, angry, hovering Customer: “What are you doing? I didn’t ask for caramel, I’m allergic! Are you trying to kill me?? I had to wait in line all this time and I can’t get a **** coffee made right!”
Me: “Ma’am, this is a caramel macchiato. I’m sure this isn’t your drink; what did you have today?”
Customer: “I had a latte. I’ve been waiting 10 minutes!”
Me: “Ma’am, theres a latte right here on the counter right next to your handbag.”
Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m late for my movie!”
Me: “Ma’am, I called the drink out three times, you were standing there the whole time.”
Customer: “You should have called louder!”
Me: “I’m sorry, I was practically yelling, I figured it was loud enough. Well there you are, have a nice day.”
Customer: “YOU MADE ME LATE FOR MY ****** MOVIE!”
Another customer: “You get the most evil people here don’t you?”
Me: “LA’s finest, here’s your macchiato. Have a nice evening.”
Coffee Shop | Indiana, USA
Me: “Welcome to ****, what can I get for you today?”
Customer: “Yes, I’d like a medium coffee with twenty-seven and a half sugars.”
Me: “I’m sorry, was that…twenty-seven and a half?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “You’re sure you don’t just want the twenty-eight?”
Customer: “Ewww, gross! That’d be too sweet.”
Coffee Shop | Los Angeles, CA, USA
Me: “One tall cappucino!”
Customer: *picks up drink, opens lid and looks inside* “Excuse me. There’s a lot of room in here. The top is nothing but foam.”
Me: “Yes, that’s what a cappuccino is. It’s basically the same thing as a latte but with more foam.”
Customer: “I don’t get you guys. You guys make me think I’m buying more by calling a small drink a tall, and now you just fill my drink up with foam.”
Me: “I’m sorry. If you’d like, I could just get you a latte.”
Customer: “No, that’s alright but I will take a passion tea lemonade.”
(I do her order and she comes back.)
Customer: “WHY IS THERE SO MUCH ICE?! **** YOU GUYS AND YOUR RIP OFF DRINKS!”
(Customer storms off with drink and chucks it at the window outside.)
Coffee Shop | Ventura, CA, USA
(Woman walks in totally nude and grabs a muffin. She has a large, rather offensive tattoo from her bottom rib up her neck.)
Me: “Ma’am, you can’t just take those…”
Nudist: “Why, because of the tattoo?”
Me: “No, because you need to pay for it first.”
Nudist: “It’s a free country!” *walks out*
(I ended up pulling out my wallet and paying for it myself, because getting arrested for chasing a nude chick down the street is not worth it.)
Coffee Shop | San Diego, CA
Customer: “I’ll get an espresso.”
(after receiving the espresso)
Customer: “I’m not paying $2.50 for this…fill up the cup!”
Me: “Sir, you will literally die…”
Coffee Shop | Grand Rapids, MI, USA
(I work at a small, independent coffee shop. You will be surprised how often things like this happen.)
Customer: “Do you sell alcohol?”
Me: “No, we only sell coffee.”
Customer: “But it says shots on the menu.”
Me: “Espresso shots.”
Customer: “What kind of liquor is that?”
Coffee Shop | Studio City, CA
Me: “Would you like half and half?”
Hippy Woman: “Oh no! Soy please. Humans aren’t supposed to drink milk you know. Haven’t you noticed we’re the only species that drinks the milk of another species?”
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