October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Refuses To Speak Starbucksian

| FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I’ve just finished handing off a drink to a customer at our pick-up counter. There’s a pair of ladies waiting to order at my register, and as I approach them, I overhear their conversation:)

Customer #1: “…Yeah, I just refuse to learn their language.”

(Our area has a fairly high population of non-English/English-as-a-second-language speakers. I brace myself to deal with “everyone should speak English,” until…)

Customer #2: “Really?”

Customer #1: “Yep! I just point to what I want.”

(Apparently, the ‘language’ she refuses to learn is ‘medium hot coffee with cream, please.’)

Will Have To Start Clover

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am a customer waiting to collect my coffee at a popular coffee shop.)

Barista: *setting drink on counter* “I have a latte, for Laura!”

(I reach for my drink, but before I can get to it a man picks it up. I let him, because I’ve been yelled at in the past for taking my drink when someone with the same name and same drink is also waiting for their order. He takes a sip, and spits it out.)

Man: “This is disgusting! It tastes milky; why is this milky?”

Barista: “It’s a latte.”

Man: “No, it’s not. It’s a Clover. You said it was a Clover. I want this remade. And do it right!”

Second Barista: “I have a Clover, for Mike.”

Barista: “Is that one yours?”

Me: *chiming in* “You took my latte.” *to the barista* “I’m sorry; would it be possible for me to have another one made?”

Man: “Well, why the hell didn’t you tell me I was drinking the wrong thing?”

Barista: *drops head onto counter*

O, Canaduh, Part 4

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Geography

(It is a warm day in late June. The customer I am serving has a pronounced American accent.)

Me: “I couldn’t help noticing your accent. Where are you from?”

Customer: “Des Moines. It’s my first time in Canada.”

Me: “What do you think so far?”

Customer: “Well, I was a little shocked when we were flying in, actually.”

Me: “About what?”

Customer: “I was pretty surprised not to see snow.”

Me: “I think that Iowa and Ontario have a pretty similar climate. Is there snow on the ground there right now?”

Customer: “No, but this is CANADA.”

O, Canaduh, Part 3
O, Canaduh, Part 2
O, Canaduh

The ‘Mocha Chocolate’ Is Just The Cream On Top

| USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am a customer in a small local coffee shop next to a hospital. A woman in scrubs acting important cuts in front of me but being early and a regular I let it slide. She starts to order:)

Customer: “Give me a tall grande skinny chocolate mocha frappe soy latte with cream.”

Barista: “What was that order?”

Customer: “Uh…” *repeats something different*

Barista: “What size; we have small and large.”

Customer: “What about tall grande skinny did you not understand?”

Barista: “So that is a large mocha latte with whipped cream?”

Customer: “No, that’s chocolate mocha!”

Barista: “Chocolate and mocha are the same thing.”

(At this point I laugh and the customer turns and glares at me.)

Customer: “Fine, just make it.”

(The barista does so.)

Barista: “Should I close the lid or are you going to add cream?”

Customer: “Why would you ask that?”

Barista: “I wouldn’t want it to spill.”

Customer: “Just give it to me.”

(She pays and leaves, the barista is just shaking his head. I step up trying not to laugh and hand over my travel cup and cash.)

Me: “What in the world was she actually trying to order?”

Barista: “I don’t even know!”

Armed And Dangerous

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

(I don’t normally work at our store’s other location, but because of the holidays we are short-staffed all-around and I need to fill in. The one coworker working with me today is on break, and I am taking orders, making food, and making espresso drinks as fast as I can.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me! We’ve been waiting forEVER for our drinks!”

Me: *looking up from the line of five sandwiches I am currently making* “I’m so sorry, ma’am. I know it’s taking a bit long but I promise it’ll be up soon.”

Customer #1: “God! I hate coming here. You kids are so incompetent!”

(Customer #2, a regular at both of our stores, steps forward.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, how many of you are there back there?”

Me: *thinking I’m gonna hear it from him, too* “Just me for right now.”

Customer #2: “And how many arms do you have?”

Me: “…Just the two?”

Customer #2: *looking at [Customer #1]* “Ah, well that explains it.”

(Customer #1 gets a mean look on her face and marches back to her table.)

Me: *whispering* “You’re so cool…”

(Customer #2 definitely got his usual latte on me that day!)

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