Should Have Put Dairy In The Diary

| Canada | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a fast food coffee shop. Every year since it opened, our location has been the only store to remain open during the holidays. I volunteer to work Christmas Day.)

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [Store]. How can we help you?”

Customer: *in drive thru* “Excuse me, are you guys open?”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, we are. What can we get for you?”

Customer: “Do you know if the grocery store next door is open?”

Coworker: “Unfortunately I do not know their holiday hours. You will have to go take a look.”

Customer: “You are a coffee shop, right? You must have cream, right?”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, we do.”

Customer: “Great. I don’t want to go the store, so can I have 16 cups of cream?”

Coworker: “I am sorry; I have no way of entering that into my till.”

Customer: “Well, just give me a carton.”

Coworker: “I can’t do that, ma’am. I will need to charge you for it, but since we don’t sell cream by the cup or carton I have no way of doing so.”

Customer: “Just give me some d*** cream. I need it for a recipe for Christmas dinner. It is an emergency!”

Coworker: “Once again, I am sorry but we cannot just give you 16 cups of cream.”

Customer: “Well, what am I going to do now for dinner?!”

Coworker: “I do not know, ma’am, but if it was as important as you said you wouldn’t have waited to get the ingredients until Christmas Day, when everything basically closes.”

This Customer Is Soda-pressing

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I am a barista at a famous, internationally known coffee shop and working at the cash register. The company at the moment only sells coffee-related drinks, ‘frappuccinos,’ teas, and other caffeine/coffee related products for drinks.)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am! And what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a ham artisan sandwich.”

Me: “All right, and anything to drink?

Customer: “And I want a diet [Soda].”

Me: *thinking that I misheard her* “I’m sorry, ma’am, what did you say?”

Customer: “I SAID I want a diet [Soda].”

Me: “Oh, um, I’m sorry, ma’am; we don’t… carry that here.”

Customer: *looks at me with both eyebrows raised, incredulously* “You don’t carry soda?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: *throws her head back, scoffing* “That’s ridiculous! Fine, then I’ll just have a…” *looks at the menu* “I’ll just have a coffee then.”

Me: “All right, just a coffee? Would you like the medium blend? Or a different brew?” *we have a light, medium, dark, and decaf at the ready right behind me*

Customer: *scoffs again* “Just a coffee! Whatever!”

Me: “All right, one medium coffee. Anything else?”

Customer: “That’s all!” *she looks at her friend/coworker the whole time as if this was all a tiring exchange*

It’s No Use Lying Over Spilt Milk

| ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work at a big name coffee chain. This conversation is taking place over headsets; I’m in the back unpacking stock.)

Coworker: “Is it possible to be allergic to milk fat?”

Me: “I don’t know, maybe? Some pretty weird allergies run in my family.”

Coworker: “This customer just asked for a drink made nonfat because she’s allergic to milk fat.”

Me: “Well, if she says there’s an allergy, assume she’s telling the truth.”

Coworker: “And she wants whipped cream on it.”

Me: “…”

No Meat In Their Brain, Part 3

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m working the register at a popular coffee shop chain. A woman inspects our breakfast sandwiches for a few minutes before approaching me.)

Customer: “Can I get one of the reduced fat turkey bacon sandwiches?”

Me: “I’m so sorry; we just sold out of those. Is there anything else I can offer you today?”

Customer: “Well, what else do you have that’s vegetarian?”

Related:
No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2
No Meat In Their Brain

They Have It Made

| ON, Canada | Geography, Health & Body, Transportation

(I work night shift at a very popular Canadian coffee chain. Four drunk customers walk into the store, barely able to stand. I spot a white limo outside and these customers are dressed like they’ve been out clubbing.)

Me: “Hey, there. What can I get you ladies?”

Drunk Customer: “Hey, um, I have a question?”

Me: “Yes?”

Drunk Customer: “Um, what city are we in?”

Me: *stammering* “P-pardon me?”

Drunk Customer: “Oh, my God. Are you deaf? What CITY are we in?”

Me: “Erm… you’re in between [City #1] and [City #2].”

Drunk Customer: *turns back to her friends* “OH, MY GOD, GUYS! WE MADE IT!”

(It turned out that the ladies had been gambling in Niagara Falls, about three hours away. After asking for the address of the place and reassuring me that they lived in City #1 and they were headed home (they thought), they left without asking for anything and I was left to wonder exactly how intoxicated one had to be to be that lost and that un-phased by it.)

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