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    Sinfully Delicious, Part 2

    | Brampton, ON, Canada |

    (I am working as a barista at a coffee shop. Two large hot chocolates total $6.66, which my coworkers and I joke about.)

    Me: “Hi. What can I get you?”

    Customer: “God be with you.”

    Me: “I’m sure He is, ma’am. What can I get you?”

    Customer: “Well, you have those vanilla hot chocolates, yes?”

    Me: “Yes. In fact, we do.”

    Customer: “Oh, wonderful! My dear friend brought me one some time ago, and it was just sinfully good. I have to say it. So when I saw your shop from the road, I simply had to tell my sister to stop. And so, of course, she must have one too!”

    (I recognise the religious nature of the customers.)

    Me: “Would you like anything else with that at all? Uh… these cookies are dirt cheap and really good…”

    Customer: “Oh, no. Mustn’t give in to gluttony, the Lord knows.”

    Me: “Nothing else at all?”

    Customer: “No, thank you.”

    Me: “All right, then.”

    (I ring them up.)

    Me: “That’ll be…” *winces* “$6.66.”

    Customer: *going pale* “Pardon?”

    Me: *sheepishly* “Your total is $6.66, ma’am.”

    (The customer is silent for several moments. She then crosses herself and dashes out.)

    Me, to next customer: “What can I get you?”

    Customer #2: “Tell me, do you get any extra brimstone with that deal?”

    Related:
    Sinfully Delicious

    If He Continues He’s Likely To Lose Another 21 Grams

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Top

    (I am used to this very specific customer’s order by now.)

    Me: “Hello! Can I take your order, sir?”

    Customer: “I will have a half-decaf, extra-large, one pump of sugar-free vanilla, nonfat, 180-degrees, 235-gram cappuccino. And a scone.”

    Me: “Here you go, sir. Half-decaf, extra-large, one pump sugar-free vanilla, nonfat, 180-degrees, 235-gram cappuccino.”

    Customer: “Weigh it.”

    Me: “I did weigh it, sir.”

    Customer: “Again.”

    (I weigh it again. The scale comes out to 236 grams, because it measures in units of 2.)

    Customer: “It’s over. Remake it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Remake it! And I want a free drink for you wasting my time!”

    (The drink is remade three more times. Once for being two degrees off, and once for being one gram less. The manager then has to explain that the scale measures in units of 2.)

    Me: “Here’s your drink, sir.”

    Customer: “Finally! It’s amazing you all don’t get fired for incompetence!”

    (The customer then goes and adds cold milk at the bar.)

    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5

    | Simsbury, CT, USA |

    (My store has a trivia question posted every day for customers to answer. The question reads, ‘How many time zones span across Russia?’)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Is the answer to the question ’1′?

    Me: “No, sorry.”

    Customer: “Well, how many are there, then?”

    Me: “There are 11 time zones.”

    Customer: “Really? I thought there was only 1 time zone in the world!”

    Related:
    No Aptitude Vocation For Location, Part 2
    No Aptitude For Latitude, Part 2
    No Vocation For Location
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude

    Always A Barista, Never A Bride

    | Hillsboro, OR, USA |

    (An older gentleman comes in to order his coffee. He is a regular customer and a lot of times his wife will come in with him, but today she is running late.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Just coffee.”

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be a $1.50.”

    Customer: “Are you somebody’s bride?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You know, a wife. Are you somebody’s wife?”

    Me: “Not last time I checked, no.”

    Customer: “Because I need a bride to warm my hands on and mine is nowhere to be found.”

    Me: “Oh. Let’s hope she gets here soon, then.”

    Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 2

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA |

    (I am a customer entering the store. I hear a loud scraping sound. I turn and notice a lady in a minivan trying to drive right over the median barrier in the road. She is trying to get into the drive-thru from the wrong direction. She gets stuck and keeps trying to drive through. I walk into the store to tell the cashier what is happening, but he stops us.)

    Cashier: “Sorry, miss. It’ll be a few minutes until we can take your order. It seems as if someone has tried to drive over the median.”

    Me: “It’s alright. I saw it happen. I was just about to tell you guys.”

    Cashier: “This happens a lot. I think it must be people who really need coffee.”

    (Just as she says that, the minivan drives up and parks. The lady rushes through the doors, and starts announcing loudly.)

    Lady: “I need coffee. NOW!”

    Related:
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself
    Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself
    Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems

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