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    If He Continues He’s Likely To Lose Another 21 Grams

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Top

    (I am used to this very specific customer’s order by now.)

    Me: “Hello! Can I take your order, sir?”

    Customer: “I will have a half-decaf, extra-large, one pump of sugar-free vanilla, nonfat, 180-degrees, 235-gram cappuccino. And a scone.”

    Me: “Here you go, sir. Half-decaf, extra-large, one pump sugar-free vanilla, nonfat, 180-degrees, 235-gram cappuccino.”

    Customer: “Weigh it.”

    Me: “I did weigh it, sir.”

    Customer: “Again.”

    (I weigh it again. The scale comes out to 236 grams, because it measures in units of 2.)

    Customer: “It’s over. Remake it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Remake it! And I want a free drink for you wasting my time!”

    (The drink is remade three more times. Once for being two degrees off, and once for being one gram less. The manager then has to explain that the scale measures in units of 2.)

    Me: “Here’s your drink, sir.”

    Customer: “Finally! It’s amazing you all don’t get fired for incompetence!”

    (The customer then goes and adds cold milk at the bar.)

    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5

    | Simsbury, CT, USA |

    (My store has a trivia question posted every day for customers to answer. The question reads, ‘How many time zones span across Russia?’)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Is the answer to the question ’1′?

    Me: “No, sorry.”

    Customer: “Well, how many are there, then?”

    Me: “There are 11 time zones.”

    Customer: “Really? I thought there was only 1 time zone in the world!”

    Related:
    No Aptitude Vocation For Location, Part 2
    No Aptitude For Latitude, Part 2
    No Vocation For Location
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude

    Always A Barista, Never A Bride

    | Hillsboro, OR, USA |

    (An older gentleman comes in to order his coffee. He is a regular customer and a lot of times his wife will come in with him, but today she is running late.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Just coffee.”

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be a $1.50.”

    Customer: “Are you somebody’s bride?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You know, a wife. Are you somebody’s wife?”

    Me: “Not last time I checked, no.”

    Customer: “Because I need a bride to warm my hands on and mine is nowhere to be found.”

    Me: “Oh. Let’s hope she gets here soon, then.”

    Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 2

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA |

    (I am a customer entering the store. I hear a loud scraping sound. I turn and notice a lady in a minivan trying to drive right over the median barrier in the road. She is trying to get into the drive-thru from the wrong direction. She gets stuck and keeps trying to drive through. I walk into the store to tell the cashier what is happening, but he stops us.)

    Cashier: “Sorry, miss. It’ll be a few minutes until we can take your order. It seems as if someone has tried to drive over the median.”

    Me: “It’s alright. I saw it happen. I was just about to tell you guys.”

    Cashier: “This happens a lot. I think it must be people who really need coffee.”

    (Just as she says that, the minivan drives up and parks. The lady rushes through the doors, and starts announcing loudly.)

    Lady: “I need coffee. NOW!”

    Related:
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself
    Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself
    Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems

    Ah, Children

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

    (A customer approaches with her 2 year old son in arms, and her 5 year old daughter. As she is about to order, a customer from a few minutes earlier storms in front of her. She is yelling and screaming incoherently, and throws her drink on the counter.)

    Daughter, to her mother: “Mummy, why is the lady yelling?”

    Mother: “Never mind it, she’s just being rude.”

    (The little girl scowls, and points at the customer.)

    Daughter: “You cut that out right now! You need to be more polite!”

    (Taking example from his sister, the toddler starts pointing and yelling.)

    Toddler: “BAD! BAD!”

    (The irate customer is embarrassed. She shuts up and storms out. The little girl gets a free hot chocolate.)

    Related:
    Ah, Parents

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