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    Always A Barista, Never A Bride

    | Hillsboro, OR, USA |

    (An older gentleman comes in to order his coffee. He is a regular customer and a lot of times his wife will come in with him, but today she is running late.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Just coffee.”

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be a $1.50.”

    Customer: “Are you somebody’s bride?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You know, a wife. Are you somebody’s wife?”

    Me: “Not last time I checked, no.”

    Customer: “Because I need a bride to warm my hands on and mine is nowhere to be found.”

    Me: “Oh. Let’s hope she gets here soon, then.”

    Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 2

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA |

    (I am a customer entering the store. I hear a loud scraping sound. I turn and notice a lady in a minivan trying to drive right over the median barrier in the road. She is trying to get into the drive-thru from the wrong direction. She gets stuck and keeps trying to drive through. I walk into the store to tell the cashier what is happening, but he stops us.)

    Cashier: “Sorry, miss. It’ll be a few minutes until we can take your order. It seems as if someone has tried to drive over the median.”

    Me: “It’s alright. I saw it happen. I was just about to tell you guys.”

    Cashier: “This happens a lot. I think it must be people who really need coffee.”

    (Just as she says that, the minivan drives up and parks. The lady rushes through the doors, and starts announcing loudly.)

    Lady: “I need coffee. NOW!”

    Related:
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    Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems

    Ah, Children

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

    (A customer approaches with her 2 year old son in arms, and her 5 year old daughter. As she is about to order, a customer from a few minutes earlier storms in front of her. She is yelling and screaming incoherently, and throws her drink on the counter.)

    Daughter, to her mother: “Mummy, why is the lady yelling?”

    Mother: “Never mind it, she’s just being rude.”

    (The little girl scowls, and points at the customer.)

    Daughter: “You cut that out right now! You need to be more polite!”

    (Taking example from his sister, the toddler starts pointing and yelling.)

    Toddler: “BAD! BAD!”

    (The irate customer is embarrassed. She shuts up and storms out. The little girl gets a free hot chocolate.)

    Related:
    Ah, Parents

    An Abbreviation Abberation

    | Humboldt, CA, USA |

    (I’ve just finished making a sandwich for a customer. I am new at this, so he double checks what I do.)

    Customer: “Did you forget anything?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? You remembered the cucumbers and turkey?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And the lettuce?”

    Me: “And the tomatoes, pickles, mustard and mayo, sir. It’s written on the–”

    Customer: “Mayo? What the h*** is that? And you left out the mayonnaise! Why did you do that?”

    Me: “But, that’s what I said.”

    Customer: “No! You said mayo! That’s not what I wanted!”

    Me: “I put in mayonnaise. Mayo is just an abbreviation.”

    Customer: “Abbreviation? What’s that, some kind of fruit?”

    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

    | Simsbury, CT, USA |

    Customer: “I need something without coffee in it.”

    Me: “Ok, what would you like?”

    Customer: “Can I have a large mocha?”

    Me: “That has coffee in it, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t. It says espresso on the board.”

    Me: “Espresso is coffee.”

    Customer: “All this time I’ve been drinking coffee!? No wonder I haven’t been able to sleep!”

    Related:
    Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself
    Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems


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