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    Schrödinger’s Whipped Cream

    | Scranton, PA, USA |

    (This customer orders a hot drink, which is served in a regular paper cup. You can’t see the drink through it.)

    Customer: “I asked for whipped cream on my drink.”

    Me: “I know. I made sure there was whipped cream.”

    Customer: “But, I can’t see it.”

    Me: “Well, that’s because it’s inside the cup.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themself, Part 2

    | Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I’m making a marshmallow latte at the pick-up end of the counter. The customer watches me as I make the drink.)

    Customer: “Is this my mocha?”

    Me: “It’s your drink, but it’s not a mocha. A mocha is a latte with chocolate. This is a latte with caramel and marshmallow. I can add chocolate if you’d like.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want chocolate. I just want my mocha!”

    Me: “I can’t give you a mocha without chocolate. I think you mean latte. This is a latte.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want a latte! I want a mocha! You understand?”

    Me: “Would you like me to make you a mocha instead of this, then?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t want a latte, and I don’t want chocolate. I just want espresso with steamed milk, caramel, and marshmallow. Just like I ordered!”

    (By this point, the drink has been done for a while, exactly as described.)

    Me: *staring at drink for a second* “Here’s your mocha.”

    Customer: “Finally! Thank you!”

    Related:
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

    C Is For Coffee, Cigarettes, And Cluelessness

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, what’s that sign over your coffee brewer thing?”

    Me: “The one that says Proposition 65?”

    Customer: *squinting* “Yeah. It says something about cancer?”

    Me: “We’re required to let you know that our coffee and coffee products contain chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer and reproductive harm. You really don’t need to worry about it; you’d have to consume a lot of coffee before it took any effect.”

    Customer: “That has to be illegal! I’m never coming here again until you take the cancer out of your coffee!” *storms out of the store*

    (Later on, when I finish my shift and go outside, I see the same customer. She’s drinking a blended iced coffee from our competition across the street and smoking a cigarette while complaining to someone on the phone about how our store puts cancer in our drinks.)

    But President Osama Said

    | Costa Rica |

    Customer #1: “So, Obama Bin Laden was found dead in a house in Iraq, or something.”

    Customer #2: “But, I heard it was Al Qaeda who was found dead.”

    Customer #1: “Who told you that?”

    Customer #2: “I don’t know. I heard it on Facebook, or something.”

    Customer #1: “You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet!”

    Wake Up And Sell The Coffee

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (Near the end of the morning rush, I’m making lattes, cappuccinos, etc.)

    Me: “I don’t feel so great.” *faints*

    (As I come to, I not only hear my manager on the phone with 911 but the following…)

    Customer: “Isn’t anyone going to make my latte?”

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