Real Numbers, Imaginary Common Sense

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout

(Our store recently installed numerical locks on our doors due to vandalism. They are a minor annoyance, but usually not a huge issue.)

Customer: “Can I get the code to your restroom?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it’s 81818.”

Customer: “I’m sorry, what was the number?”

Me: “It’s 81818.”

Customer: “I’ll never remember that. I need to hear it in real numbers. Can you tell me the code using real numbers please?”

Me: *confused* “It’s eight-one-eight eighteen.”

Customer: “No, that’s still not a real number. I need it in real numbers.”

Me: “Why don’t I just write it down for you?”

Customer: “No, it’s eighty-one thousand, eight-hundred and eighteen. Was that so hard?!”

Waiting For Opportuniteas

| Chicago, IL, USA |

(I am making a lot of drinks. I place a drink on the counter and shout “green iced tea” so the owner of the drink can pick it up. A woman sitting with her husband at one of the tables, without any drinks, speaks up.)

Customer: “Is that a free iced tea?”

Me: “Green.”

Customer: “No, is that a free iced tea?”

Me: *enunciating* “Green.”

Customer: “Oh, sorry, I thought you said free, like someone had left it. I was like ‘I’ll take it!” *laughs*

Me: “What was your drink?”

Customer: “Oh, we didn’t order drinks. We were just sitting here…”

Mocha Chocolata Nah Nah

| California, USA |

Customer: “Can I have a hot chocolate but with coffee in it?”

Me: “So, would you like a mocha?”

Customer: “No, no, no! I said I wanted a hot chocolate with coffee!”

Me: “Okay.” *makes a mocha, and all is well*

A Little More Empathy, A Little Less Entropy

| Australia | Food & Drink

(I have just finished making a coffee order and I call out the number the customer was given. No one comes to pick up the order, so I call the number two or three times before the customer finally comes up to the counter to pick up her order. After a few seconds, she returns.)

Customer: “This coffee is cold!”

Me: “It’s been sitting here for a few minutes. I called it out a couple times but no one came to pick it up.”

Customer: “Well, this is cold! Perhaps you should only have competent people make coffees!”

Weighs On Your Conscience And Your Scale

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Food & Drink

(Since it’s my first day, I’m shadowing another employee at the cash register, putting in every order she takes from the customer. An hour in, a woman in her 40s and her husband come in. Note our sugar-free items are advertised as “guilt-free.” )

Coworker: “Good afternoon and welcome to [coffee shop]! What can we make for you today?”

Customer: “Yes I’d like a guilt-free sugar cookie latte and [frozen coffee] with guilt-free vanilla syrup.”

Coworker: *repeating order for my benefit* “So, that’s a sugar-free sugar cookie latte and frozen coffee with sugar free vanilla?”

Customer: *frowning* “No, a guilt-free latte and a guilt-free frozen coffee!”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, a sugar-free latte and frozen coffee. Will that be all?

Customer: “No! No! No! It’s GUILT-FREE! Turn around and read your menu board! GUILT. FREE.”

(At this point I’m scared and just tell the coworker to use the term so she’ll go away.)

Coworker: “Sorry, that’s a guilt-free latte and a frozen coffee with guilt-free vanilla syrup, yes?”

Customer: “YES! Finally!”

(I ring her up and charge her card. Her husband comes to the counter to place his own order.)

Customer’s husband: “I just want a hot chocolate, young lady.”

Customer, to her husband: “You’re fat! Get it GUILT-free!” *smacks him with her purse*

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