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    But Cheddar Is Always Beddar

    | Peterborough, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I work in a coffee shop that is now advertising using real cheese instead of processed cheese.)

    Customer: “Can I get a chocolate chip muffin please?”

    Me: “Sure, that will be [price].”

    Customer: “And can I get that without cheese?”

    Me: *confused* “We actually don’t put cheese on our muffins.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, I saw on the commercial that everything now has real cheese on it, so I really don’t want that.”

    Me: “Well, we only put cheese on things like sandwiches. You won’t have cheese on much else. We have just changed to using real cheese instead of processed, so that’s what we’re advertising.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s a relief!”

    Related:
    Dangerously Cheesy

    Coffee As Hot As Your Temper

    | Wyoming, USA | Food & Drink

    (The customer orders a latte at 190 degrees.)

    Me: “Here is your latte at 190 degrees.”

    Customer: “Holy crap! Why is this so hot?”

    Me: “Well, we normally make our drinks at 160 degrees.”

    Customer: “But I asked for 190 degrees.”

    Me: “Right. I made it at 190 degrees. Would you like me to remake it at a cooler temperature?”

    Customer: “Well, I DID ask for it to be 190 degrees NOT 160 degrees.”

    Me: “Ma’am, a 190 degree latte is hotter than a 160 degree latte. Can I remake it for you at a cooler temperature?”

    Customer: “No, I asked for 190 degrees! It’s too hot!”

    Me: “Ma’am,I did make it at 190 degrees. That’s thirty degrees hotter than our normal temperature.”

    Customer: “Whatever, can I just get a cup sleeve?”

    Me: “There’s already a cup sleeve on it…only one will fit–”

    Customer: “Just give me another sleeve.”

    (I give her the other cup sleeve. She tries to slip it on, gets annoyed when she fails, and throws the sleeve across our counter.)

    Customer: “Cheap labor is so useless!” *storms off*

    Water You, Stupid, Part 4

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “What’s in your liquid drinks?”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, all of our drinks are made of liquid. That’s what makes them drinkable.”

    Customer: “Oh, you know what I mean!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I do not.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll find someone that does!” *leaves*

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    Two Halves Make A Hole In Your Brain, Part 2

    | Clyde, OH, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a half decaf, half caffeinated skim milk latte, medium size.”

    (I make the latte with her staring at me the entire time, apparently making sure I’m making it right.)

    Me: “Here’s your half caf grande nonfat latte.”

    Customer: “You said half caf? You made the other half decaf, right?”

    Me: “Well, yes. If one half is caffeinated, then the other half has to be decaf, right?”

    Customer: “You don’t need to be smart!”

    (She walks away ticked off and complaining to her friend saying she better not be awake all night because I’m unable to make her drink correctly.)

    Related:
    Two Halves Make A Hole In Your Brain

    The Early Bird Gets The Dumb Worm

    | Blue Jay, CA, USA |

    (We are a brand-new business. We’ve only been open for one week at this point. We open earlier than our competition because it’s a potential market.)

    Customer: “What time do you open in the morning?”

    Me: “5:00 am.”

    Customer: “But [competition] opens at 6:00.”

    Me: “Yes, they do.”

    Customer: “So, why do you open at 5:00?”

    Me: “Because some people leave for work before 6:00.”

    Customer: “But [competition] doesn’t open until 6:00, so how can you open at 5:00?!”

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