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    But President Osama Said

    | Costa Rica |

    Customer #1: “So, Obama Bin Laden was found dead in a house in Iraq, or something.”

    Customer #2: “But, I heard it was Al Qaeda who was found dead.”

    Customer #1: “Who told you that?”

    Customer #2: “I don’t know. I heard it on Facebook, or something.”

    Customer #1: “You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet!”

    Wake Up And Sell The Coffee

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (Near the end of the morning rush, I’m making lattes, cappuccinos, etc.)

    Me: “I don’t feel so great.” *faints*

    (As I come to, I not only hear my manager on the phone with 911 but the following…)

    Customer: “Isn’t anyone going to make my latte?”

    Mocha-less In Minneapolis

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (I am a male worker in a coffee shop. A customer has just left with a hot drink and gotten on his bike.)

    Me: “Man, that guy is really brave.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “He just got on his bike with a hot mocha.”

    Customer: “Wow. Well, I’m sure you’ll find the right guy some day.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “We’re not talking about the same thing are we?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “I guess you just hear what you want to hear.”

    Me: “I guess so.”

    This Customer Has A Latte Problems

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (A customer walks in. She is a regular so I know her order.)

    Me: “Good morning. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Hey. Uh…”

    Me: “Did you want your latte?”

    Customer: *shocked* “You know I want a latte? Yeah. I do.”

    Me: “Large, two shot soy latte, with sugar-free almond, right?”

    Customer: *more shocked* “What do I get? Do you have soy?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I only want two shots. With soy.”

    Me: “Right, yes. And sugar-free almond.”

    Customer: “Do you have sugar-free almond, or the regular almond?”

    Me: “Both.”

    Customer: *appears confused* “What do I get? Soy and almond, with two shots?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Let me start making that for you.”

    (I make the latte and hand it to her. She takes a sip. She now appears extremely bewildered.)

    Customer: “Is this soy?”

    Me: “Yes. With two shots. And sugar-free almond.”

    Customer: “Okay. Right. Good.”

    (She leaves. She comes back.)

    Me: “Hello again. Everything all right with your coffee?”

    Customer: “Uh. What? Can I get a large two-shot latte with, um…what do I get?”

    (This customer does this every time she comes in.)

    Be Glad She Didn’t Ask For Cream

    | Calabasas, CA, USA |

    (An elderly woman comes into the store very early in the morning.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Give me two of those muffins.”

    Me: “Sure thing, anything else?”

    Customer: “Actually, make it three. They’re kind of my fetish, you know?”


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