• Understood The Concept Swimmingly
    (1,597 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    No Drink Americano

    | BC, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular ski resort in Canada. We get a lot of American tourists, many very rude and demanding. I am the barista on duty. I do not take customer’s orders, but the layout of the store means that a lot of customers talk to me while I make their drinks. This particular customer has ordered an Americano, which is made with espresso shots and hot water.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m making an Americano.”

    Customer: “Is that for me?”

    Me: “I’m not sure; I didn’t take your order. Is your name John?”

    Customer: “Yes, but I ordered coffee, not whatever this is.”

    Me: “The order slip says you ordered an Americano. That’s what this drink is, sir.”

    Customer: “You Canadians have a really stupid way of making coffee. I have been all over the world and I have never seen coffee made like this before.”

    Me: “Actually, sir, Americanos are not Canadian. They were invented by Italians, for Americans who didn’t like traditional Italian espresso and had to have it diluted with water.”

    Customer: “Hmph!” *takes his drink and walks away*

    Icy Receptions

    | Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get for you?”

    Customer #1: “Vanilla latte.”

    Me: “Would you like that hot or iced?”

    Customer #1: *blank stare*

    Me: “Ma’am? Hot or iced?”

    Customer #1: “Medium.”

    Me: “Okay, medium vanilla latte. Hot or iced?”

    Customer #1: “Sarah.”

    Me: *it clicks* “Oh, your name is Sarah. Okay, is this hot or iced?”

    Customer #1: “I don’t need a receipt.” *begins attempting to swipe card*

    (I give up, total the order, and write her name on a hot cup. The next customer approaches.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Customer #2: “Large caramel latte.”

    Me: “Is this hot or iced?”

    Customer #2: “Phillip.” *begins to swipe card*

    Coworker: “And so sets the tone of the day.”

    (The first customer comes back in.)

    Customer #1: “EXCUSE ME, I WANTED THIS ICED!”

    Me: “Of course you did.”

    Woke Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed Tomorrow

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Time

    (The Saturday issue of the local paper we sell is called the “Sunday Early Edition” since it contains a section of coupons, classified ads, etc. A customer brings one such paper to the counter.)

    Customer: “Just a tall coffee and the paper today.”

    Me: “Sure, that’ll be $*.**!”

    Customer: *looks down at paper* “Oh, I grabbed the wrong paper. Let me put this back.”

    (He takes the paper back to the newspaper rack, and I assumed he wanted one of the national papers, but he comes back and slaps the local paper on the counter.)

    Customer: “Don’t you have any of TODAY’S papers?”

    Me: “Ah… sorry, what?”

    Customer: “It’s only nine in the morning; you shouldn’t have tomorrow’s paper yet!”

    Me:“Tomorrow’s paper? Sir, this is definitely today’s paper!”

    Customer: “NO! It says SUNDAY on it, right there! It’s only Saturday!”

    Me: “Yes, however the [Paper] calls its Saturday paper the “Sunday Early Edition” since it has coupons and such in it.”

    Customer: “But it says SUNDAY! See? Every page says Sunday!”

    Me: “I see it, sir, but that’s just what they call the Saturday paper. I assure you, it’s today’s paper. Tomorrow’s paper hasn’t been printed yet.”

    Customer: “I’m putting this back. I don’t want tomorrow’s newspaper!” *walks off in a huff*

    Sales Of The Witching Hour

    | MO, USA | Bizarre, Religion

    (It is Halloween time. We have lots of decorations all over the cafe. One is a sign that says, “I’m a real witch with or without my coffee.” It’s all cartoonish with a witch on a broomstick and all that.)

    Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Coworker: “Sure.”

    Customer: *points to the sign* “Is that a real thing? Like, is it serious?”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

    Customer: “Is it about real witches?”

    Coworker: “Uh… real witches?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Like, Satan worship.”

    Coworker: “Uh…”

    (So I step in because my coworker was just stunned.)

    Me: “Oh, it’s just for Halloween.”

    Customer: “So it’s a joke.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, it’s a joke.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. It’s funny. But, you know, there are real witches.”

    Coworker: “Okay…”

    Customer: “Like, people who say they’re witches and worship Satan. My brother dated one once. Not that I’m judging!”

    Me: “It’s just supposed to be funny…”

    Customer: “Okay. That’s good that it’s not about Satan.”

    Me: “Yep… not about Satan.”

    Customer: *smiles and waves* “Okay, bye. God Bless.”

    Coworker: “Was she saying that Wiccans worship Satan?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (So now I refer to our employee meetings as Meetings of the Coffee Coven and my coworker and I started saying, “Hail Satan!” before leaving at the ends of our shifts.)

    The Munchkin Gymnast Special

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    (My brother and I work at our family coffee shop, and this happens one morning when my brother is covering the shift of our female co-worker. A middle-aged man walks in.)

    Customer: “Where are all the hot girls?”

    Brother: “…What?”

    Customer: “Don’t all the hot girls work here?”

    Brother: “Uh, well, I’m working today.”

    Customer: “Man, there’s this one…” *he holds out his hand, indicating how short our coworker is* “…She’s a little munchkin. She looks like she could be a gymnast.”

    (He eventually placed his order and left a good-sized tip.)