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    The ‘Mocha Chocolate’ Is Just The Cream On Top

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I am a customer in a small local coffee shop next to a hospital. A woman in scrubs acting important cuts in front of me but being early and a regular I let it slide. She starts to order:)

    Customer: “Give me a tall grande skinny chocolate mocha frappe soy latte with cream.”

    Barista: “What was that order?”

    Customer: “Uh…” *repeats something different*

    Barista: “What size; we have small and large.”

    Customer: “What about tall grande skinny did you not understand?”

    Barista: “So that is a large mocha latte with whipped cream?”

    Customer: “No, that’s chocolate mocha!”

    Barista: “Chocolate and mocha are the same thing.”

    (At this point I laugh and the customer turns and glares at me.)

    Customer: “Fine, just make it.”

    (The barista does so.)

    Barista: “Should I close the lid or are you going to add cream?”

    Customer: “Why would you ask that?”

    Barista: “I wouldn’t want it to spill.”

    Customer: “Just give it to me.”

    (She pays and leaves, the barista is just shaking his head. I step up trying not to laugh and hand over my travel cup and cash.)

    Me: “What in the world was she actually trying to order?”

    Barista: “I don’t even know!”

    Armed And Dangerous

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

    (I don’t normally work at our store’s other location, but because of the holidays we are short-staffed all-around and I need to fill in. The one coworker working with me today is on break, and I am taking orders, making food, and making espresso drinks as fast as I can.)

    Customer #1: “Excuse me! We’ve been waiting forEVER for our drinks!”

    Me: *looking up from the line of five sandwiches I am currently making* “I’m so sorry, ma’am. I know it’s taking a bit long but I promise it’ll be up soon.”

    Customer #1: “God! I hate coming here. You kids are so incompetent!”

    (Customer #2, a regular at both of our stores, steps forward.)

    Customer #2: “Excuse me, how many of you are there back there?”

    Me: *thinking I’m gonna hear it from him, too* “Just me for right now.”

    Customer #2: “And how many arms do you have?”

    Me: “…Just the two?”

    Customer #2: *looking at [Customer #1]* “Ah, well that explains it.”

    (Customer #1 gets a mean look on her face and marches back to her table.)

    Me: *whispering* “You’re so cool…”

    (Customer #2 definitely got his usual latte on me that day!)

    Not Quite Feeling It

    | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, how are you?”

    Customer: “Large latte to go.”

    (Well, I was feeling large latte to go that day, too.)

    They Must Be Quite New To This

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I am on my second shift at a till at a new coffee shop, where I am still unfamiliar with the system and therefore very slow. Thankfully, it is at night, so the lineup is usually only two or three people and the customers spend at most three minutes waiting in line.)

    Me: *to approaching customer* “Hello! How may I help you?”

    Customer: *he has been waiting in line for less than a minute* “What is taking so long? The store is never this slow.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I’m new to working here, so I’m still learning everything.”

    Customer: “They hired MORE new people?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s how stores work.”

    Customer: “Well they need to stop hiring so many new people! Don’t you agree?”

    Me: “…no?”

    (Clearly he doesn’t understand how I got my job.)

    Your Day Needs A Refill

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hello, I didn’t like this drink. It was made wrong.”

    Me: “Oh. sure. What did you order and what didn’t you like about it?”

    Customer: “I bought this hot chocolate yesterday. I finished it and it just didn’t taste very good and I’d like a free refill.”

    Me: “So… you want a free refill? On a drink you didn’t like and bought over 24 hours ago?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “…No.”

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