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    Takes One To Joe One

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I’m a cashier at a coffee chain. Our location is popular so the line is usually long. I overhear the following conversation between two customers.)

    Customer #1: “Why is the line in this place always so long?! I’ll never understand it!”

    Customer #2: “Well, sir, do you like coffee?”

    Customer #1: “Of course! Why else would I be here?”

    Customer #2: “Well, could it be possible that there are other people who like coffee as well?”

    Customer #1: “Oh. Right.”

    Great, Ambiguous Expectations

    | Santa Barbara, CA, USA |

    (A customer orders an iced coffee. I get it for her. She has a puzzled and dismayed look on her face.)

    Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “This…wasn’t what I was expecting.”

    Me: “Well, what were you expecting?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, but this wasn’t it.”

    You Can’t Have Your Cake And Believe It Too

    | Adelaide, Australia | Food & Drink

    (A customer walks into the shop and starts looking at our cakes.)

    Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at a carrot and walnut cake*

    Coworker: “No, that’s a carrot cake. We have cheesecake right over here.”

    (I show the customer the cheesecake.)

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer walks away, but returns ten minutes later.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “That’s cheesecake?” *points at the carrot cake again*

    Me: “No, sorry. That’s a carrot cake.”

    Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at another cake*

    Me: “No, that’s an orange and coconut cake. The cheesecake’s here.”

    (I show her the cheesecake, once again.)

    Customer: *incredulously*That’s cheesecake?!”

    (She eventually buys the cheesecake, but only after it taking a while to convince her it is actually cheesecake!)

    Do-Nut Yell At Me

    | Rhode Island, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m the baker and I am getting everything ready to go out into our case for display. I’m working with just one other person and he’s on drive-thru duty.)

    Coworker: “Hey, can you come help me? This guy keeps telling me he wants a glazed bagel.”

    (I walk out onto the floor and over to the window where the man is waiting with a mad look on his face.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, hun. What was it that you were looking for?”

    Customer: “I JUST WANT A GOD D*** GLAZED BAGEL!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, hun. We don’t carry glazed bagels here. I’ve worked here for four years and we have never had them.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? I get glazed bagels here all the time! You must be stupid. I know that there are glazed bagels. I’m just gonna come inside.”

    (He speeds his car away from our drive-thru window and I walk into the back to finish with all my baking that I am doing. All of a sudden, I hear the door swing open and hear a familiar loud voice.)

    Customer: “There it is! Right there! G-L-A-Z-E-D. I told you, you carry glazed bagels!”

    Coworker: *stares in shock at the man*

    Customer: “You both are stupid! Can you just get my order? I just want my coffee and my glazed DONUT!”

    (At this point, my coworker and myself both just look at one another. Then the customer seems to realize what he said.)

    Customer: “I said bagel before, didn’t I? Whatever! You should have known what I meant.”

    It Never Hurts To Quadruple Check

    | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

    Me: “Good morning, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a large tea, with cream and sugar on the side.”

    Me: “Okay, just to clarify, the cream and sugar are both on the side?”

    Customer: “On the side means it’s not in the cup.”

    Me: “Okay, so they’re both on the side?”

    Customer: “ON THE SIDE MEANS THEY’RE NOT IN THE CUP!”

    Me: “Okay, so you have cream and sugar on the side.”

    Customer: “I DON’T WANT ANYTHING IN THE CUP!”

    Me: “Okay, so you have a large black tea with cream and sugar on the side. That will be [price], and you can pick your tea up at the end.”

    (I go make the drink, get the cream and sugar on the side, and give it to the customer.)

    Me: “Okay, one large black tea with cream and sugar on the side.”

    Customer: “So, there’s nothing in the cup, right?”

    Me: *speechless*

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