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    Size Matters, Part 4

    | London, UK |

    (I’m working on the till in a branch of a well-known chain of coffee shops. The sizes of the drinks are tall, grande, and venti instead of small, medium and large.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [coffee shop]. What can I get you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a latte to go, please.”

    Me: “Of course, sir. What size latte?”

    Customer: “Just a small one.”

    Me: mumbling as I write the order* “Tall latte–”

    Customer: “No! I said small, not tall.”

    Me: “A tall drink is small, sir.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want a tall drink. I just want a latte in the smallest size you have.”

    Me: *apologetic* “My mistake, sir. One small latte coming up.”

    (The customer pays me for his drink and I direct him to the end of the bar to wait for his coffee whilst my coworker makes it for him. When it is ready, my coworker places it on the bar in front of the customer and asks if the “Tall Latte” is his.)

    Customer: *at full volume* “You people can’t do anything right! I asked for a SMALL coffee several times. This isn’t my drink but I don’t have time for you to remake it because I’m late for work. I will be calling in tomorrow and if you get it wrong again I will have you both fired!” *storms out*

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 3
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters

    Options: Good To Have, Not To Exercise

    | London, UK | Food & Drink

    (A customer runs up to the till looking rather angry.)

    Customer: “Do you have any Pepsi?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. Would you like a–”

    Customer: “Do you have any Coca-Cola?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Customer: “I’ll have a water, then!”

    A Cup Of Crackaccino, Please

    | Oklahoma, OK, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like a 16 ounce blended iced latte with caramel.”

    Me: “Okay!”

    Customer: “And could you add this to it?” *hands me a plastic baggie of white powder*

    O, Canaduh

    | UK | Canada, Tourists/Travel

    (A customer walks up to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi sir! What can I get—“

    Customer: “Hi! I’m Canadian! Do you have a normal coffee?”

    Me: *confused* “Erm, yes, sir, we have filter coffee that you can add milk to, if you’d like?”

    Customer: “That’ll do. Thanks!”

    (We finish the transaction and I’m still confused as to his interesting but random piece of information. I watch him as he goes towards the station where the milk is kept. There is another customer there putting milk in her coffee. When she finishes, he reaches across to get the milk.)

    Customer: “Hi! I’m Canadian!”

    Hard To Stomach, Tough, And Last Resort

    | Franklin Park, PA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a mountain pig.”

    Me: “I…uh…what? Sorry?”

    Customer: “It was called a mountain pig.”

    Me: “Uh, we…um, we don’t have anything called a mountain pig. Can you explain that to me?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what it is! She said she wanted it.” *turns to friend* “What was it she wanted?”

    Friend: “It was, oh, a uh, mountain pig. Yeah that was it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what she meant by that.”

    Friend: “It’s a mild coffee. Don’t you have that?!”

    Me: “Oh, a Pike Place?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that was it! A small one of those, please.”

    Me: “Alright, and anything for you, miss?”

    Friend: “Yeah, I’ll have two tall mountain pigs!”


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