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    Pot Calling The Coffee Bad

    | Waterbury, CT, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have a paid membership program at our store that allows members to take additional savings when purchasing stuff from our cafe.)

    Me: “Hi, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was here about three weeks ago and got a cup of coffee. I’m not a member, so I got the bottom of the pot and it tasted disgusting.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir—it was mere coincidence.”

    Customer: “Well, I had to throw it away! As I was leaving, I heard you ask the customer behind me if he was a member. Because he was, you told him you’d make a fresh pot of coffee for him! Do you discriminate against all of your non-members?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I want you to make me a fresh pot of coffee right now.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t discriminate here. Again, it was most likely just coincidence. Why don’t I get you a cup and have you fix it the way you like it? If it doesn’t taste good, then let me know before you leave and I’d be more than happy to make a fresh pot of coffee.”

    (I get him his coffee and he pays for it. After he goes to put his cream and sugar in it, I stop him on his way back before he leaves.)

    Me: “How’s your coffee, sir?”

    Customer: “Wow, the coffee here is really good! I work in a restaurant and hate when customers come back and complain, so I try not to be that type of person myself. Thanks for the coffee!”

    Now We Know Why She Needs Decaf

    | Greensboro, NC, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a national coffee chain, and am answering the drive through.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [café]. What would you like today?

    Customer: “I want a skinny latte!”

    Me: “Okay, just to clarify, skinny means nonfat and sugar-free. What sugar-free syrup would you like?”

    Customer: *huffing* “No syrup! I just want a skinny latte!”

    Me: “Um, okay, so just a nonfat latte, then. What else can I get for you?”

    Customer: “No, no, no! I just want a skinny latte, nonfat and sugar-free!”

    Me: “Okay, a skinny latte, then. What size would you like?”

    Customer: “Tall! You got that? And make it decaf! A DECAF TALL SKINNY LATTE! Gaaahhh!”

    Weekend Roundup: Kids Say The Awesomest Things

    , , , , | Not Always Right Archives | Roundups

    Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

    Kids Say The Awesomest Things! This week, we share five stories that show that kids are not only our best customers, but can be an employee’s best friend!

    1. Ah, Children:
      A misbehaving customer gets put in the time-out corner…by a toddler.
    2. They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine:
      When Blade meets The Little Mermaid, awesome ensues.
    3. Making A Hug(e) Difference:
      Every store needs a kid like this…seriously, can Not Always Right adopt this boy?
    4. Vocabulary, Meet Veracity:
      Proof that kids hear everything parents say.
    5. They Grow Up Too Fast:
      When the rubber hits the road, Ultimate Driving Machines come in all sizes.

    How To Show-Up A Show-Off

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Top

    (Note: I’m a male customer at a coffee shop. I’m standing in line behind an obnoxious man and a beautiful blonde woman he’s unsuccessfully trying to chat up. The server is a young girl who appears to be new at her job.)

    Man: “Excuse me! I ordered a non-fat, non-sugar orange mocha chip frappuccino! This isn’t non-fat, and there’s no whip cream on it.”

    Barista: “I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll remake it immediately.”

    Man, to the blonde woman: “What is up with these guys!? They screw everything up.”

    Barista: “Here’s your drink sir. I hope this one is up to standard.”

    Man: “What are you, f***ing retarded?! This is a plain mocha frappuccino! I wanted an orange chip mocha frappuccino! Get it f***ing right!”

    (The barista remakes his drink again, but is clearly on the verge of tears.)

    Man: “Oh my God, you people need to learn to speak English! I said non-fat. Don’t tell me it is non-fat, because I can taste—”

    (At this point, the blonde woman decides she’s had enough of the man and interrupts him.)

    Blonde woman: *in a strong Irish accent* “WILL YOU STOP BEING A JERK FOR FIVE F***ING MINUTES?! The girl has made the d*** coffee perfectly this time—I watched her! And, even if she hasn’t, she’s young and clearly new at her job. It’s a f***ing coffee! Cut her some slack!”

    Man: “Excuse me, but I want what I asked for! I don’t see why that’s so hard!”

    Blonde woman: “She probably looked at you, assumed you were a man, and was therefore completely confused by your non-fat non-sugar orange mocha chip frappuccino order. Real men drink real coffee, and they don’t bully teenage girls until they cry. Now, can you please stop being an almighty dickhead, and just f*** off?!”

    (Everyone in the coffee shop claps, and the man leaves, embarrassed. I paid for the blonde woman’s coffee, and found out she is from the same part of Ireland as me. One thing led to another, and I asked her to marry me this Christmas. She said yes!)

    No Good Need Goes Unpunished

    | Oregon, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (A customer comes into our coffee shop and stares forlornly at the gum on display. She often comes into the shop to get some ice to chew on, but nothing else. Feeling sorry for her, I decide to help her out.)

    Me: “Here, let me get that for you.”

    (I reach into my tip jar and pay for the gum with my own money.)

    Customer: *takes the gum* “So…where’s my change?!”

    Me: *speechless*

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