October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

The Sound Of One Idiot (And) Clapping

| Manchester, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Top

(The customer at the front of the queue is talking loudly on their phone, and ignores me when I ask what they want. I decide to ask the person behind them for their order.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me! I’m at the front. You serve me before him!”

Me: I’m very sorry, sir. You were on your phone. What can I get you?”

Customer #1: “Jesus! Stop interrupting me, can’t you see I’m talking to someone?” *continues conversation*

Customer #2: *quietly, to me* “Follow my lead.” *then, very clearly, at normal speaking volume* “Clap once if you can hear me.”


Customer #2: “Clap twice if you can hear me.”

(Claps twice, with me and the person behind him joining in.)

Customer #2: “Clap three times if you can hear me.”

(Three claps, more of the queue and the people sat at a nearby table have joined in – most of the other people in the shop have stopped talking to see what the clapping is about.)

Customer #2: “Clap four times if you can hear me.”

(Most of the people in the shop clap along with him, with the person on the phone struggling to hear what’s being said by their friend.)

Customer #2: “Clap five times if you can hear me.”

(Everyone claps, and Customer #1 hangs up, looking angry.)

Customer #1: “How dare you interr—”

Customer #2: “Clap six times if you can hear me.”

(Everyone, except the now fuming phone guy, claps.)

Customer #2: “Oh, good. You seem to have finished your call. Why don’t you place your order now?”

(Customer #1 stutters for a few seconds, then storms out, mashing at his phone.)

Customer #2: “Oh, well. That was fun.”

(He got his drink for free, and now we always use that to shut up customers on their phones!)

You’re Hot And Your Cold You’re Yes And You’re No, Part 2

| Okemos, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(My coworker is taking drive-thru orders, and I’m filling them.)

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [cafe]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a large iced mocha latte, please.”

Coworker: “Your total is [total]. Please pull forward.”

(The customer is given the drink, but sends it back through the window.)

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted the hot mocha latte.”

Coworker: “Well, you did say the iced mocha latte. We’ll fix it for you though.”

Customer: “Oh. So when you say iced, it doesn’t mean the hot one?”

You’re Hot And Your Cold You’re Yes And You’re No

An Offer Of Fruitcake

| Kent, England, UK | Bizarre

Customer: “Can I borrow a pen?”

Coworker: “Yeah, sure.”

(My coworker hands the customer a pen, and she goes back to her table. However, she returns a few minutes later.)


(She throws it hard at my co worker. Turns out she hadn’t taken the lid off. Half an hour later, she approaches another coworker.)

Customer: “Why should I have to queue? I have already done so once!”

Coworker #2: “Because that’s what you have to do in civilised society.”

(The customer queues and buys a piece of cake, then walks into the stock area out back, with PRIVATE written on the door, to find my co worker.)

Customer: “I’m sorry for shouting. Please take this cake.”

Coworker #2: “Sorry, I can’t. We aren’t allowed to eat on duty.”


(While this is going on someone calls the shopping center security. They come remove her from the entire shopping center. Later on that day, she comes back for one last salvo.)


Telling Creeps To Bite Me

| Nashville, TN, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m standing in line at a coffee shop when I overhear this exchange between the barista and a creepy older customer who is obviously hitting on her.)

Barista: “What can I get you, sir?”

Creepy Customer: “…And why aren’t you on the menu, my dear? You look good.”

Barista: “Because, sir, that would be cannibalism. What type of coffee can I get you?”

(Dejected, the creepy customer orders a coffee and slinks out of line. Afterwards…)

Me: “That happen often?”

Barista: *smiles* “It’s his third attempt.”

Diet In The Honeymoon Stage

| MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Hi, I would like a small latte, please.”

Me: “Would you like a flavor shot added to your latte?”

Customer: “Do you have any sugar-free flavors?”

Me: “Yes.” *points to the menu* “Our flavor shots are listed here, we have sugar-free vanilla, caramel, hazelnut, raspberry.”

Customer: “Hmm, no thanks. I really shouldn’t have any sugar added to my drink. Can you just put honey in it?”

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