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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    How To Show-Up A Show-Off

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Top

    (Note: I’m a male customer at a coffee shop. I’m standing in line behind an obnoxious man and a beautiful blonde woman he’s unsuccessfully trying to chat up. The server is a young girl who appears to be new at her job.)

    Man: “Excuse me! I ordered a non-fat, non-sugar orange mocha chip frappuccino! This isn’t non-fat, and there’s no whip cream on it.”

    Barista: “I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll remake it immediately.”

    Man, to the blonde woman: “What is up with these guys!? They screw everything up.”

    Barista: “Here’s your drink sir. I hope this one is up to standard.”

    Man: “What are you, f***ing retarded?! This is a plain mocha frappuccino! I wanted an orange chip mocha frappuccino! Get it f***ing right!”

    (The barista remakes his drink again, but is clearly on the verge of tears.)

    Man: “Oh my God, you people need to learn to speak English! I said non-fat. Don’t tell me it is non-fat, because I can taste—”

    (At this point, the blonde woman decides she’s had enough of the man and interrupts him.)

    Blonde woman: *in a strong Irish accent* “WILL YOU STOP BEING A JERK FOR FIVE F***ING MINUTES?! The girl has made the d*** coffee perfectly this time—I watched her! And, even if she hasn’t, she’s young and clearly new at her job. It’s a f***ing coffee! Cut her some slack!”

    Man: “Excuse me, but I want what I asked for! I don’t see why that’s so hard!”

    Blonde woman: “She probably looked at you, assumed you were a man, and was therefore completely confused by your non-fat non-sugar orange mocha chip frappuccino order. Real men drink real coffee, and they don’t bully teenage girls until they cry. Now, can you please stop being an almighty dickhead, and just f*** off?!”

    (Everyone in the coffee shop claps, and the man leaves, embarrassed. I paid for the blonde woman’s coffee, and found out she is from the same part of Ireland as me. One thing led to another, and I asked her to marry me this Christmas. She said yes!)

    No Good Need Goes Unpunished

    | Oregon, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (A customer comes into our coffee shop and stares forlornly at the gum on display. She often comes into the shop to get some ice to chew on, but nothing else. Feeling sorry for her, I decide to help her out.)

    Me: “Here, let me get that for you.”

    (I reach into my tip jar and pay for the gum with my own money.)

    Customer: *takes the gum* “So…where’s my change?!”

    Me: *speechless*

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    Takes One To Joe One

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I’m a cashier at a coffee chain. Our location is popular so the line is usually long. I overhear the following conversation between two customers.)

    Customer #1: “Why is the line in this place always so long?! I’ll never understand it!”

    Customer #2: “Well, sir, do you like coffee?”

    Customer #1: “Of course! Why else would I be here?”

    Customer #2: “Well, could it be possible that there are other people who like coffee as well?”

    Customer #1: “Oh. Right.”

    Great, Ambiguous Expectations

    | Santa Barbara, CA, USA |

    (A customer orders an iced coffee. I get it for her. She has a puzzled and dismayed look on her face.)

    Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “This…wasn’t what I was expecting.”

    Me: “Well, what were you expecting?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, but this wasn’t it.”

    You Can’t Have Your Cake And Believe It Too

    | Adelaide, Australia | Food & Drink

    (A customer walks into the shop and starts looking at our cakes.)

    Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at a carrot and walnut cake*

    Coworker: “No, that’s a carrot cake. We have cheesecake right over here.”

    (I show the customer the cheesecake.)

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer walks away, but returns ten minutes later.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “That’s cheesecake?” *points at the carrot cake again*

    Me: “No, sorry. That’s a carrot cake.”

    Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at another cake*

    Me: “No, that’s an orange and coconut cake. The cheesecake’s here.”

    (I show her the cheesecake, once again.)

    Customer: *incredulously*That’s cheesecake?!”

    (She eventually buys the cheesecake, but only after it taking a while to convince her it is actually cheesecake!)


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