Cold Hearts Can Lead To Warm Cockles

| Manchester, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

(My friend works at a coffee kiosk at a train station. We are experiencing the coldest day of the year so far. It is only 30 minutes after opening, so she has not had a chance to warm up.)

Customer #1: “Cinnamon latte. Small. Now.”

My Friend: “Of course, sir.”

(My friend starts making the latte, but her hands are numb from the cold and she makes mistakes. There is a heater near her, but it only really helps her legs.)

Customer #1: “Will you hurry up? It’s freezing! Can’t believe I had to wait for a train in this weather! At least my office will be nice and warm when I get there!”

(Customer #1 carries on ranting and raving about the weather. At this point, another customer behind him, Customer #2, speaks up.)

Customer #2: “At least you don’t have to work in this weather!”

Customer #1: *smugly* “She has a heater! And the coffee machines are spewing steam all the time. She’ll be fine!”

Customer #2: “Would you want to work here?”

Customer #1: “Would I, heck! It’s too cold!”

(At this point the transaction is finished and he runs off to his platform.)

Customer #2: *to my friend* “What an idiot! What do you recommend from the new range?”

My Friend: “The gingerbread latte is pretty good.”

Customer #2: “Okay. I’ll have two, please.”

(My friend makes his order and hands him the two lattes.)

Customer #2: “Here, for you!”

(He takes the second drink and places it in front of my friend, but walks off before she can say anything. The festive period has begun, so there are going to be even more brutish and rude customers than usual. However, there are some really nice ones out there too! Happy Holidays!)

Stamping Feet Over A Stamp

| Copenhagen, Denmark | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a chain coffee shop. We have a deal where you pay for ten coffees beforehand, to get them at a lower price. Each time a customer orders a coffee, we mark their card with a stamp.)

Me: “Hi, what can get for you today?”

Customer: “A cappuccino to-go.”

(She hands me her card, I stamp it, and hand it back to her.)

Customer: “Y-you can’t be serious.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “This can’t be true!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This stamp! It’s looks terrible!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess it could use some new ink. They do tend to vary in size, from what I’ve seen before.”

Customer: “This is so unprofessional! I cannot believe you would actually do this to me! I want to see your manager!”

Me: “I’m afraid my manager is not in today, but feel free to write her an email about your complaint, or come in tomorrow.”

Customer: “I WILL! Someone needs to put a stop to this outrage!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. Would you still like your coffee?”

Customer: “No! I am never buying coffee here again! I am going to have you fired for this! Now take off my stamp!”

Getting Them Back Is True Therapy

| Louisville, KY, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Top

(I’m a barista at a coffee shop. We’re pretty busy, but two older female customers are talking loudly enough to be heard by the whole shop.)

Woman #1: “Well, at least your daughter hasn’t forgotten that she is a woman.”

Woman #2: “Oh, I know. It’s such a shame when a girl forgets her feminine side.”

(At this point, Woman #2 sees a bald teenager on the other side of the shop and gestures towards her.)

Woman #2: “Like her. She’d be so pretty with hair!”

(Hearing this, the bald girl stands up, completely calm, and walks over to the two women. The entire shop falls silent.)

Bald girl: *holds out her hand* “Hi, my name is [name] and I’m going through chemotherapy.”

(Both women go scarlet and run out of the shop. The girl got an ovation and a free drink.)

The Sound Of One Idiot (And) Clapping

| Manchester, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Top

(The customer at the front of the queue is talking loudly on their phone, and ignores me when I ask what they want. I decide to ask the person behind them for their order.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me! I’m at the front. You serve me before him!”

Me: I’m very sorry, sir. You were on your phone. What can I get you?”

Customer #1: “Jesus! Stop interrupting me, can’t you see I’m talking to someone?” *continues conversation*

Customer #2: *quietly, to me* “Follow my lead.” *then, very clearly, at normal speaking volume* “Clap once if you can hear me.”

(Claps.)

Customer #2: “Clap twice if you can hear me.”

(Claps twice, with me and the person behind him joining in.)

Customer #2: “Clap three times if you can hear me.”

(Three claps, more of the queue and the people sat at a nearby table have joined in – most of the other people in the shop have stopped talking to see what the clapping is about.)

Customer #2: “Clap four times if you can hear me.”

(Most of the people in the shop clap along with him, with the person on the phone struggling to hear what’s being said by their friend.)

Customer #2: “Clap five times if you can hear me.”

(Everyone claps, and Customer #1 hangs up, looking angry.)

Customer #1: “How dare you interr—”

Customer #2: “Clap six times if you can hear me.”

(Everyone, except the now fuming phone guy, claps.)

Customer #2: “Oh, good. You seem to have finished your call. Why don’t you place your order now?”

(Customer #1 stutters for a few seconds, then storms out, mashing at his phone.)

Customer #2: “Oh, well. That was fun.”

(He got his drink for free, and now we always use that to shut up customers on their phones!)

You’re Hot And Your Cold You’re Yes And You’re No, Part 2

| Okemos, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(My coworker is taking drive-thru orders, and I’m filling them.)

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [cafe]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a large iced mocha latte, please.”

Coworker: “Your total is [total]. Please pull forward.”

(The customer is given the drink, but sends it back through the window.)

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted the hot mocha latte.”

Coworker: “Well, you did say the iced mocha latte. We’ll fix it for you though.”

Customer: “Oh. So when you say iced, it doesn’t mean the hot one?”

Related:
You’re Hot And Your Cold You’re Yes And You’re No

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