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    Leaves Everything Out

    | Houston, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’ve just finished explaining the teas we have to a customer.)

    Me: “Have you decided what tea you would like today? Do you want hot or cold?”

    Customer: “I want a hot tea.”

    Me: “Alright. We have green, black, and herbal.”

    Customer: “I want a normal, unflavored tea.”

    Me: “Okay, well we have southern black tea and our store’s Earl Grey.”

    Customer: “I don’t want black tea.”

    Me: “Well, we have at least four of each of the green or herbal.”

    Customer: “No green, and no fruity herbal.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, this location does not sell white tea, but white is just baby green. However, I—”

    Customer: “I just want a cup of hot, no-flavor-of-any-kind tea!”

    Me: “Hot…water?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Himself, Part 4

    | Virginia, USA | Food & Drink

    (A drink order is passed down the line to me. After reading it several times, I have to clarify it with the customer.)

    Me: “Sir? This says you want a large mocha with whip, but no espresso. Um, did you maybe want decaf instead? Or… uh…” *puzzled silence*

    Customer: “I get it all the time at [chain coffee shop]! God, is it really SO HARD to get my drink right?”

    Me: “Well… I’m just confused… because you apparently paid $1.00 extra for a… a hot chocolate.”

    Customer: “Jeez, call it whatever you want, just make the thing! Mochadopacoppio, whatever! You just go right ahead and fix me one of your fancy HAAAWT CHAAAWC-LATES!”

    Related:
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Himself, Part 3
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themself, Part 2
    Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

    Zuck Makes Us All Look Like Schmucks

    | Sonoma, California, USA |

    Customer: “Are you the owner?”

    Me: “Me?”

    Customer: “Yeah!”

    Me: *laughs* “No, sir, I’m 17. I’m just a server.”

    Customer: “So!? Age doesn’t matter! That one Facebook guy was like 16, and he’s a billionaire!”

    You’re Just Shorting Yourself

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money, Top

    (On this day, we are selling cups of tall coffee for a quarter to celebrate our 25th anniversary in Canada.)

    Customer #1: “One short dark coffee.”

    Me: “Oh, today is your lucky day! A tall coffee is a quarter, so let me get you a bigger cup of coffee for less money!”

    Customer #1: “I want a short.”

    Me: “Well, a short is 8 oz at $1.74 after tax, but a tall is 12 oz at $0.28 after tax—today only.”

    Customer #1: “Don’t cheat me! I don’t want more coffee!”

    Me: “But it costs less…maybe I could charge you for a tall and just fill it half way?”

    Customer #1: “Stop your trickery and give me what I want. You are trying to rip me off!”

    Me: “Okay. One short coffee…that’s $1.74.”

    Customer #1: “Thank you. Was that so freaking hard?!”

    (The customer walks away, and the next customer approaches.)

    Customer #2: “So, let me get this straight: I can get like four coffees for the price of a short?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, that’s a great deal! I’ll get four!”

    (Hearing this, Customer #1 turns back to the counter, enraged.)

    Customer #1: “You’re giving him FOUR?! You’re playing favorites, you b****!”

    Me: *shocked*

    Customer #2: “How much do you hate your job right now?”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 7

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am assembling coffees when I hear this conversation between a customer and the cashier. Note: our tap water is used to brew the coffee and is very clean.)

    Customer #1: “I would like a bottle of water.”

    Cashier: “Actually, we’re currently out of bottled water, but we can put ice in a cup and fill it with tap water. We won’t charge for it!”

    Customer #1: “How could you say such a thing?! Everyone knows that tap water has salmonella in it! You can’t expect me to give that to my children!”

    (The customer then storms off without buying anything. The next customer walks up, laughing.)

    Customer #2: “I’ll take a water with extra salmonella!”

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 6
    Water You, Stupid, Part 5
    Water You, Stupid, Part 4
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

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