Pray She Doesn’t Order The Number Two

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(A woman and her two kids come in looking for the washrooms. An employee tells her that they are outside and around the corner, near the drive-through. She leaves to go find them.)

Coworker: *to me* “Oh my God! Come see this!”

Me: “Yeah?”

(I walk over to the drive-through window and poke my head out. There, in the middle of the drive-through, is the woman holding one of her kids up horizontally as the child urinates on the drive-through in front of me while holding up several vehicles. She looks up and sees me, looks me straight in the eye the entire time, and finishes without a word.)

Me: *to my coworkers* “I’m going for break.”

Getting Them Back Is True Therapy, Part 2

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Health & Body, Top

(We have a regular customer who was diagnosed with breast cancer and had lost all her hair from the Chemo. She is only 17 at the time. Everyone who goes to the shop more than once knows her. I’m a barista who is out the back getting ready for my shift in few minutes. Three very obnoxious customers came in and began to talk very loudly at the end of a mildly long line.)

Customer #1: “Ugh, why did we have to come to this hipster place? It’s so trashy!”

Customer #2: “I know! Everyone is so stuck up with their MacBooks and iPads! Like, get a life!”

Customer #3: “And everyone looks so ugly! Look at that girl in the corner! She has no hair!”

Customer #2: “That’s because she’s super hipster! She does it for no other reason than because no one else is!”

Customer #1: “Oh, my God! Ew!”

(At this point pretty much everyone inside has heard what they’ve said and is looking in the general direction of the trio. Customer #3 seems to notice this and quietens up. Two police officers (both regulars) walk in and join the line behind the three customers. The three customers talk like this for another minute before one deliberately talks loudly enough for the whole place to hear.)

Customer #1: “Hipsters are stupid! Your head looks retarded; I mean come on, who would want to be bald and ugly like you?!”

(At this point, the girl in the corner starts to cry a little bit. Everyone around her begins to comfort her, but the barista loses his cool.)

Barista: “No. You do not talk to her that way! Get out of my store! The three of you! You’re not welcome here! Ever!”

Customer #1: “I’ve been waiting in line for 10 minutes (more like three) and I’m not leaving without my coffee!”

Customer #2: “Yeah, we deserve our coffee!”

(Customer #3 hasn’t said a word since she walked in, and begins to walk out and wait outside for the other two.)

Customer #2: *to Customer #3* “Where are you going?! Don’t wuss out! We need to get our coffee before next class!”

Barista: “Take your friends advice and, for the last time, leave.”

Customers #1 & 2: “No!”

Police Officer #1: “You two have been asked to leave by the gentlemen behind the counter. I suggest you do so.”

Customer #2: “That hipster can’t make us leave!”

Customer #1: “We have rights!”

Police Officer #1: “So does everyone else here and you are violating them. You’ve visibly upset this poor girl who’s going through the toughest time in her life right now.”

Customer #1: “As if! We go to Uni! We get way more stressed!”

Police Officer #2: “We’re not here to argue with you. Either leave or you’ll both be arrested for trespassing since you’ve already been asked to leave twice.”

Customer #1: “You cant f***ing do that! We haven’t done anything wrong and we’re not f***ing leaving until we get our f***ing coffee, you a**hole!”

Police Officer #2: “That’s it, turn around, hands behind your back.”

Police Officer #1: “Now.”

(As the officers try to motion them to turn around, they resist and begin to try and push the officers away. After a bit more fighting, the unruly customers end on the ground, squealing with their hands cuffed. As the officers are radioing in for a car, everyone is comforting the girl in the corner, whose name is Hannah. However, they quickly begin laughing their heads off as Hannah herself is jumping up and down (in the literal sense) in her seat with the biggest smile on her face. Her father later comes in as news spreads and buys everyone a drink. A couple of years later, Hannah has beaten her cancer but remains bald for her own personal reasons. She’s still stops by every few weeks to chat and everyone loves her. Even the two police officers stop by at least once a week. We all refer to that as the day as ‘The Most Awesome Day Ever’.)

Related:
Getting Them Back Is True Therapy

Venting About Ventis

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m a semi-regular patron of a local coffee shop. I witness this exchange taking place.)

Customer: “I’ll take a venti caramel machiatto, a venti iced peppermint mocha, and a venti butterscotch latte.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, we don’t offer any of those flavors apart from the peppermint mocha.”

Customer: “Well, of course you offer those. I was just looking at your online menu.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, we have never offered venti sizing. We just call it large. And we have never offered caramel machiatto or butterscotch lattes. I’m not sure any coffee shop offers butterscotch lattes.”

Customer: “I want a f***ing caramel machiatto and a butterscotch latte!”

Cashier: “If you’ll look at the menu, we do offer a salted caramel.”

Customer: “I don’t want a f***ing salted caramel. I can’t have salt; I’m on a no-salt diet. Let me speak to your manager.”

(The manager is called, and repeats the same thing the cashier has been saying.)

Customer: “I don’t understand why you won’t just f***ing make me my f***ing coffee order. It isn’t that difficult! Three venti coffees, one a caramel machiatto, one an iced peppermint mocha, and one a butterscotch latte. For f***’s sake, I order the same thing every day!”

Manager: “That isn’t possible, as we don’t offer two of those drinks. I think you want the [popular coffee chain] down the road.”

Customer: “No, I always come here and get those three drinks! I want my f***ing coffee and I’m not leaving until I get it.”

(Finally, I’ve had enough, and I speak up.)

Me: “Ma’am, they’ve told numerous times that they don’t offer those drinks. You don’t seem to get it, so I’m going to explain it again. This shop does not offer caramel machiattos or butterscotch lattes. They do not refer to their larges as ‘venti’. I’m sure they would be happy to make you a large iced peppermint mocha, but they cannot make you the other drinks. You would have to go somewhere else for them.”

Customer: “I’m not leaving until I get my f***ing drinks!”

Me: “Then you’ll be waiting an awfully long time. Meanwhile, there is a line behind you, and I’m now twenty minutes late for class, so if you would kindly get out of the way so I can order?”

(The customer mutters about the quality of service and swears not to come back, but leaves.)

Manager: *to me* “Whatever you’re getting, it’s on the house for getting rid of her. Just don’t try to order a venti.”

At Least He Isn’t Bitter

| New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Okay, time to order. I’ve heard your teas are good. What’s the difference between a tea and a tea-lemonade?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way I can answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

Customer: “Oh, come on… what’s the difference?”

Me: “Um, lemonade.”

Customer: *laughs* “I’m an idiot!”

Couples Therapy

| MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Top

(There was recently a vote in Minnesota whether or not to change the constitution to make same-sex marriage illegal. Voting ‘Yes’ would be for making it illegal, and vice versa for ‘No’. It should also be noted that there is already a law in place prohibiting same-sex marriage. I’m wiping tables at coffee shop. It’s been pretty slow, and I see two young women obviously in a relationship. They order their drinks, and then sit down. A young man of around 20 is sitting a little ways from them, wearing a heavy jacket. I’ve noticed several looks pass back and forth between them, until finally, one of the young women walks over to him.)

Young Woman #1: *to the young man* “Would you please mind your own business?”

Young Man: “I’m sorry?”

Young Woman #1: “You’ve been glaring at us for the better part of five minutes. Is there something you’d like to say?”

Young Man: “Oh… look, I’m sorry. It’s just that I saw you two there, and—”

Young Woman #1: “And what? You thought I wouldn’t notice you being passive aggressive over here?”

Young Man: “Please, I’m sorry.”

(The young woman bends down and jostles the table, causing the young man to flinch back, shifting his jacket slightly. She smiles sweetly.)

Young Woman #1: “See, that wasn’t so…”

(She trails off because of what she sees: beneath the young man’s now-open jacket is a bright blue ‘VOTE NO’ t-shirt. She stands slack-jawed for a moment.)

Young Woman #1: “I… uh…”

Young Man: *looks down* “Oh, um, I guess that would’ve helped.”

(The young woman stutters a few more times, then rushes back to her seat. Eventually, she comes back to apologize to the poor guy.)

Young Woman #1: “I’m sorry about that. My girlfriend just came out to her family, and they aren’t taking it well.”

Young Man: “It’s okay. I’ve just been through a nasty breakup myself, and seeing the two of you so happy together was pretty tough for me.”

(After hearing this, I talk to my manager, and he lets me purchase two $25 gift cards with my employee discount, which I give to both parties. All three seemed to leave as friends.)

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