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    Cool, Cream, And Corrected

    | Maine, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (At the coffee shop where I work, my coworker, Coworker #1, is from South America. He has a very thick accent, but his English comprehension and speech is otherwise perfect. A customer comes through drive-thru and orders two extra large coffees with a whopping eight servings of cold cream. A few moments later, he comes back to complain.)

    Customer: “I have a problem!”

    Coworker #1: “What’s the issue, sir?”

    Customer: “My coffee is stone cold!”

    Coworker #1: “Okay, I’ll remake that for you. It was eight creams, right?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I’d like them to be actually warm this time.”

    Coworker #1: *remakes both coffees* “Here you are. Have a good day!”

    (The man leaves, but comes back a few minutes later. He’s still fuming. Another coworker of mine helps him.)

    Customer: “This is unacceptable!”

    Coworker #2: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “You can remake my coffee again, and this time I’d like it to not be so godd*** cold!”

    Coworker #2: “Okay…” *turns to my South American coworker* “Could you remake this again? I need to finish cleaning the flavor shot station.”

    Coworker #1: “Of course!”

    Customer: “NO! No, he’s not touching them!”

    (At this point, the manager hears the noise and comes out.)

    Manager: “Okay, what’s the problem?”

    Customer: “I’m so sick of your employees!”

    Manager: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “That f***ing foreigner of yours keeps f***ing up my coffees! You either need to make him learn f***ing English or send him back to wherever the f*** he came from! I want hot coffee, NOT hot coffee that’s STONE COLD!”

    Manager: “Okay, firstly don’t swear at me. Secondly, he speaks and understands English perfectly so don’t say he can’t understand you. I will remake your coffees this time if it humors you. What was in them?”

    Customer: “Eight creams!”

    Manager: *pauses for a moment* “Seriously?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Manager: “You do realize that adding EIGHT cold creams to a coffee will cool them off, right?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Manager: “If you add that much cream—which is chilled—to a coffee, it will cool it off. It’s not my employees’ fault. Now, have a nice day and please leave my store!”

    Customers Need To Give Us A Break

    | Rhode Island, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’ve just slipped on water and hit my shoulder so hard it has fractured. I’m on the ground in intense pain with my coworkers surrounding me to ensure I am okay. A nearby customer is obviously not impressed.)

    Customer: “Why are you all being lazy lying about? I just want some d*** coffee.”

    Coworker #1: “I’m sorry, sir. It will be just a moment. Our coworker has fallen and we think she broke her shoulder.”

    Customer: “Godd*** lazy kids these days, lying on the disgusting floor having a good time at work!”

    Coworker #2: “I’m sorry, sir. It will be just a second. I’ll be there as soon as I am sure that we have an ambulance coming.”

    Customer: “I should report your lazy a**es to your manager. You have horrible customer service and that one…” *points at me* “…is just sleeping on the floor!”

    (Mu manager, who was dialing the ambulance, speaks up.)

    Manager: “I don’t know what your problem is right now, but I just had this young lady fall, hit her head, and crack her shoulder. I am concerned she broke her shoulder, so right now all I care about is calling her an ambulance. If you are so concerned about your coffee, there is another shop a tenth of a mile away, a fast food place next door, and the gas station on the corner has coffee as well.”

    (By now I’m standing, and am holding my arm to my body using my other arm so as not to hurt myself worse.)

    Customer: “She’s fine! She’s standing up and playing with her arm!”

    (At this point, I’ve decided I’ve had enough of the customer’s verbal abuse.)

    Me: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience, sir. I should have known that there would be a puddle of water on the ground right there that I slip in. I can honestly tell you I’m not ‘playing’ with my arm. I’m currently trying to prevent further injury to myself. What is so d*** important that you couldn’t wait ’til they made sure I had an ambulance coming?”

    Customer: “D*** b****!”

    (The customer storms out, slamming our door. Three days later, he comes back and sees me in a sling.)

    Customer: “What happened to you?”

    Me: “You remember the other day when you complained that I was just lying on the floor? I fractured my shoulder!”

    Customer: *turns red, orders, and leaves quickly*

    Steeps Tall Brewings In A Single Ground

    | Texas, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    Customer: “What comes in a Caramel Macchiato? Do you guys make a better one than [competitor #1]?”

    Me: “Well, sir, we make it with [ingredients], while [competitor #1] makes it with [competitor #1's ingredients], an [competitor #3] makes it with [competitor #3's ingredients].”

    Customer: *stunned* “Wow! How do you guys know that?!”

    Me: “Well, I’ve worked at all of those other places before I got here, so I know a few of their tricks.”

    Customer: “Man, you’re, like… Super Barista!”

    (The man orders a caramel macchiato and pays happily. The next day, he catches me in the middle of taking out trash. Rather than removing my apron, I simply turn it backward to avoid getting it dirty, inadvertently making it appear as if I’m wearing a cape. Suddenly, the customer from the day before comes driving by.)

    Customer: “SUPER BARISTA!”

    Not The Britest Bagel In The Bunch

    | Rhode Island, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m a baker of the store, so I make all the donuts, bagels and muffins three days a week. This particular day I have finished baking and am now working on sandwich station. My hair is often multi-colored, so my coworkers call me ‘Rainbow Brite.’)

    Customer: “The girl making sandwiches got this hair in my food.”

    Coworker: “Oh, I’m very sorry, ma’am. Let me see that and we’ll remake it for you.”

    (The customer hands over a bagel which has a long blond hair sticking out of the cream cheese. My hair is short and currently black with pink/purple bangs. However, the customer’s daughter has long blond hair. Also, we don’t have a single blond girl working at our store—just two blond boys who have buzzcuts.)

    Coworker: “Well, ma’am, while this hair didn’t come from her, I’ll have her make it over for you anyways.”

    Customer: “Of course it’s her hair! Who else’s hair could it be?! I bet you are just covering for her. Let me speak to the person in charge.”

    Coworker: “Rainbow Brite, she wants to talk to you.”

    Me: *smiles* “Hi, hun, can I help you with something?”

    Customer: “I found this long blond hair in my bagel. Your coworker accused me of lying when I said it came from the girl making sandwiches!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I can tell you she was telling the truth that the hair didn’t come from the sandwich girl, because that’s me, and my hair is neither blond nor long. However, I can remake your bagel and give you a refund if you would like.”

    Customer: “How dare you accuse me of lying?! I demand a refund!”

    Me: “Of course, ma’am. Let me make your bagel again.”

    (I remake her bagel and give her a refund. As she’s walking out, her daughter speaks.)

    Customer’s Daughter: “Mommy, why were you so mean to her? You got my hair in the bagel, not her!”

    Customer: *turns bright red and leaves in a hurry*

    Wake Up And Hell The Coffee

    | Gloucestershire, England, UK | Food & Drink, Religion

    (I’m working the Sunday morning shift in the cafe in the middle of winter. Our cafe is opposite the church.)

    Customer: *comes in from the church, shivering*

    Me: “You look cold.”

    Customer: “Oh, the church central heating is broken again, and the vicar went on and on and on. You’d think he’d have thought to have let us out early when it’s this cold.”

    Me: “Well, what can I get you to warm you up?”

    Customer: “A large latte please…” *perks up suddenly* “…and make it evil, evil, EVIL hot!”

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