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    Colorful Comments Can Get You Burned

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Health & Body

    (A customer in maybe her late 40s or early 50s walks up to the counter while she waits for her drink.)

    Customer: “Oh honey, are you okay?”

    Me: “Well, yeah…why?”

    Customer: “Your skin… it’s so pale!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m just naturally very fair-skinned. Whole family is.”

    Customer: “But sweetie, you look awful.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You look just AWFUL! So sickly.”

    Me: “Well, thank you for your concern, but I feel just fine.”

    Customer: “No, really, you look TERRIBLE!”

    Me: “Gee, thanks.”

    Customer: “What?! I’m just trying to be helpful! You should really see a doctor about that skin of yours, you just look horrible!” *takes her drink and leaves*

    Me: “Uh… what just happened?”

    (At this point, another younger, female customer speaks up.)

    Another Customer: “Some giant piece of old burnt toast trying to reclaim her long lost youth.”

    How About A Catpuccino Instead

    | Iowa, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I am working at the drive up window at a locally owned coffee shop. Our blended drinks are called “coolers.” A customer in his mid-forties pulls up to the window.)

    Customer: “Do you make your coolers with yogurt or cat?”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Do you make your coolers with…” *makes a “meow” sound* “…cats or yogurt?”

    Me: “Uh, we use milk or iced coffee depending on how many calories you want in the drink.”

    Customer: “Oh. No thank you.”

    Me: “Can I make you something else then?”

    Customer: “NO! Maybe if you used cats.”

    Me: “Uh…Okay, I’m—”

    Customer: “MEOW!” *drives off quickly*

    The Only Foaming Is At Her Mouth

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a campus coffee house, which is primarily student-run. At least 80% of our customers are other students or teachers who all know us. Occasionally, we get new customers who don’t understand that we’re not a major chain.)

    Customer: “Can I have a latte with no foam?”

    Me: “Certainly.”

    (I ring the customer up, she gets her latte and leaves. Five minutes later, she comes storming back in, elbowing all the other customers out of her way and shoving the latte in my face.)

    Customer: “DOES THIS LOOK LIKE NO FOAM TO YOU?”

    (I look down, and all that’s on the top of the latte is two or three bubbles from the steamed milk. It’s definitely no foam.)

    Me: “Um… well, honestly ma’am, I don’t see any foam at all, but I’d be happy to remake it for you—”

    Customer: “WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT ‘NO FOAM?!’”

    (At this point, my manager comes over.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, there is a line, and my employee needs to get other people their orders. I’ll be happy to remake it, but this is our rush hour and it might take a few minutes.”

    Customer: “YOU REMAKE IT, RIGHT NOW!”

    (While my manager remakes the latte—he’s even moved it forward in the line—the customer grumbles and complains about me to everyone else who is waiting, three of whom happen to be my teachers. I hand one of my teachers their order, and she gives me a huge smile.)

    My Teacher: “Thank you SO much. I know it’s really hard to juggle work with school. And, look at that! My drink looks perfect. I’ll see you in class later. ”

    (My teacher even makes a point of taking a huge sip and exclaiming, “Delicious!” before giving the rude customer a cheeky grin and exiting the store.)

    Customer: “I… well, I…. IT’S NOT HARD TO…”

    Manager: “Ma’am, here’s your drink.”

    Customer: “THERE’S STILL FOAM—”

    Manager: “Ma’am, those are bubbles from pouring the milk into the espresso. That is not foam.”

    (At this point, the other customers start giggling. Without a word, the customer yanks the drink from him and leaves. At least she never came back!)

    The Son Will Come Up, Tomorrow

    | Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (Note: I am currently two weeks into my new job, and am the newest employee on staff. I’m working the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Welcome to [coffee shop]. I hope you’re having a great morning! Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “I want a nonfat venti latte, seven pumps of vanilla, extra whipped cream, and you’d better make it fast, b****! I can’t believe you folks are so slow. This is a DRIVE-THRU! I shouldn’t even have to stop my car!”

    Me: *mortified* “We’ll have that right up for you. Please pull around for your total.”

    (When the car reaches the window, I see that the woman’s adult son, a regular customer, is driving the car.)

    Customer’s Son: “I’m so sorry about my mother. She’s a cranky old b**** who doesn’t know how to shut her mouth. Thanks for the coffee. Here’s a tip for putting up with her bulls***!”

    (He drops a ten-dollar bill into our tip jar before driving off. He now comes back as a regular customer each morning—without his mother. He always tips generously and has something nice to say to me!)

    Goodnight Loon

    | Middlebury, CT, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m at work when a teenage customer sees a bracelet I’m wearing.)

    Teenage Customer: *looking at my bracelet* “What’s that say?”

    Me:Our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn’t have to bear alone.”

    Teenage Customer: “That’s nice. What’s it from?”

    Me: “A song by Go Radio.”

    Teenage Customer: “Can I have your bracelet?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Teenage Customer: “Your bracelet. Can I have it?”

    Me: “Sorry, but this was given to me by the band when I saw them last October.”

    Teenage Customer: “But I WANT it!”

    Me: “Sorry, but if you want one like this, you either have to see them on tour or go on their webstore. I’m sure they’ll have them in either place.”

    (Suddenly, the teenage customer freaks and GRABS at my wrist, slapping the counter when I pull it back.)

    Teenage Customer: “I WANT THAT ONE! Why are YOU so special that they gave it to you?!”

    Me: “Some little teenage brat mashed gum into my hair because I wouldn’t give her my spot at the barrier. All of the bands found out and Go Radio gave me this.”

    Teenage Customer: *suddenly calm* “Oh… can I have it, then?”

    Me: “What part of ‘no’ did you not understand?”

    Teenage Customer: “I guess I should look up the webstore then…”

    (She walks off, leaving my manager and the next customer confused.)

    Next Customer: “What in the h*** was THAT about?!”

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