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    The Son Will Come Up, Tomorrow

    | Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (Note: I am currently two weeks into my new job, and am the newest employee on staff. I’m working the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Welcome to [coffee shop]. I hope you’re having a great morning! Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “I want a nonfat venti latte, seven pumps of vanilla, extra whipped cream, and you’d better make it fast, b****! I can’t believe you folks are so slow. This is a DRIVE-THRU! I shouldn’t even have to stop my car!”

    Me: *mortified* “We’ll have that right up for you. Please pull around for your total.”

    (When the car reaches the window, I see that the woman’s adult son, a regular customer, is driving the car.)

    Customer’s Son: “I’m so sorry about my mother. She’s a cranky old b**** who doesn’t know how to shut her mouth. Thanks for the coffee. Here’s a tip for putting up with her bulls***!”

    (He drops a ten-dollar bill into our tip jar before driving off. He now comes back as a regular customer each morning—without his mother. He always tips generously and has something nice to say to me!)

    Goodnight Loon

    | Middlebury, CT, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m at work when a teenage customer sees a bracelet I’m wearing.)

    Teenage Customer: *looking at my bracelet* “What’s that say?”

    Me:Our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn’t have to bear alone.”

    Teenage Customer: “That’s nice. What’s it from?”

    Me: “A song by Go Radio.”

    Teenage Customer: “Can I have your bracelet?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Teenage Customer: “Your bracelet. Can I have it?”

    Me: “Sorry, but this was given to me by the band when I saw them last October.”

    Teenage Customer: “But I WANT it!”

    Me: “Sorry, but if you want one like this, you either have to see them on tour or go on their webstore. I’m sure they’ll have them in either place.”

    (Suddenly, the teenage customer freaks and GRABS at my wrist, slapping the counter when I pull it back.)

    Teenage Customer: “I WANT THAT ONE! Why are YOU so special that they gave it to you?!”

    Me: “Some little teenage brat mashed gum into my hair because I wouldn’t give her my spot at the barrier. All of the bands found out and Go Radio gave me this.”

    Teenage Customer: *suddenly calm* “Oh… can I have it, then?”

    Me: “What part of ‘no’ did you not understand?”

    Teenage Customer: “I guess I should look up the webstore then…”

    (She walks off, leaving my manager and the next customer confused.)

    Next Customer: “What in the h*** was THAT about?!”

    Good Money Drive-Thrus Out Bad

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money, Top

    (I am working drive-thru at a major coffee shop chain. Every once in awhile, customers will “pay it forward” by paying for the order of the vehicle behind them. This is a happy surprise for the next customer, and usually causes them to pay for the order of the next vehicle and so on. We’re currently in the middle of a “pay it forward” chain when the following customer pulls up at the window.)

    Me: “Hello, your total is $3.49, but the car in front of you has already paid for it.”

    Customer: “What the f***?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s been going for 11 cars in a row. You can pay it forward if you’d like to keep the good deed going. No pressure, though.”

    Customer: “F*** that! I’ll pay for my own coffee. Not paying for some clown behind me!”

    Me: “Not a problem. Your order has been paid for. Have a good day.”

    Customer: “Are you deaf?! I said I am paying for it! This is such a scam getting people to pay for others. You’re what’s wrong with the world today, you know!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for trying to give you your order for free.”

    Customer: “That’s right, and don’t you DARE use my money to pay for the person behind me, you punk!”

    (The customer peels away. As for their money, I used it to keep the chain going, which lasted for another 14 vehicles.)

    Defiance Is The Best Teacher

    | Vancouver, Canada | Bigotry, School, Top

    (My friend, a former coworker, comes in on a Saturday to say hello. She is standing by the counter chatting with me when a regular customer comes in. I immediately go to serve her.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a latte.” *looks at my friend* “You’re wearing that to work?!”

    (My friend is wearing ripped jeans, a local band shirt, and boots you could kick through a wall with, as well as her nose stud and four rings in each ear.)

    My Friend: “I don’t work here any more.”

    Customer: “Well, no wonder if you started showing up like a hooligan! Young people have no sense of professionalism these days! If I met you in the street, I’d think you were going to mug me!”

    My Friend: “Actually, I quit because I started a new job.”

    Customer: “Doing what, exactly? Scaring children?”

    My Friend: “Sort of. I’m a kindergarten teacher.”

    Customer: *gasps, grabs her latte, and runs out the door*

    Cool, Cream, And Corrected

    | Maine, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (At the coffee shop where I work, my coworker, Coworker #1, is from South America. He has a very thick accent, but his English comprehension and speech is otherwise perfect. A customer comes through drive-thru and orders two extra large coffees with a whopping eight servings of cold cream. A few moments later, he comes back to complain.)

    Customer: “I have a problem!”

    Coworker #1: “What’s the issue, sir?”

    Customer: “My coffee is stone cold!”

    Coworker #1: “Okay, I’ll remake that for you. It was eight creams, right?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I’d like them to be actually warm this time.”

    Coworker #1: *remakes both coffees* “Here you are. Have a good day!”

    (The man leaves, but comes back a few minutes later. He’s still fuming. Another coworker of mine helps him.)

    Customer: “This is unacceptable!”

    Coworker #2: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “You can remake my coffee again, and this time I’d like it to not be so godd*** cold!”

    Coworker #2: “Okay…” *turns to my South American coworker* “Could you remake this again? I need to finish cleaning the flavor shot station.”

    Coworker #1: “Of course!”

    Customer: “NO! No, he’s not touching them!”

    (At this point, the manager hears the noise and comes out.)

    Manager: “Okay, what’s the problem?”

    Customer: “I’m so sick of your employees!”

    Manager: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “That f***ing foreigner of yours keeps f***ing up my coffees! You either need to make him learn f***ing English or send him back to wherever the f*** he came from! I want hot coffee, NOT hot coffee that’s STONE COLD!”

    Manager: “Okay, firstly don’t swear at me. Secondly, he speaks and understands English perfectly so don’t say he can’t understand you. I will remake your coffees this time if it humors you. What was in them?”

    Customer: “Eight creams!”

    Manager: *pauses for a moment* “Seriously?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Manager: “You do realize that adding EIGHT cold creams to a coffee will cool them off, right?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Manager: “If you add that much cream—which is chilled—to a coffee, it will cool it off. It’s not my employees’ fault. Now, have a nice day and please leave my store!”

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