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    Couples Therapy

    | MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Top

    (There was recently a vote in Minnesota whether or not to change the constitution to make same-sex marriage illegal. Voting ‘Yes’ would be for making it illegal, and vice versa for ‘No’. It should also be noted that there is already a law in place prohibiting same-sex marriage. I’m wiping tables at coffee shop. It’s been pretty slow, and I see two young women obviously in a relationship. They order their drinks, and then sit down. A young man of around 20 is sitting a little ways from them, wearing a heavy jacket. I’ve noticed several looks pass back and forth between them, until finally, one of the young women walks over to him.)

    Young Woman #1: *to the young man* “Would you please mind your own business?”

    Young Man: “I’m sorry?”

    Young Woman #1: “You’ve been glaring at us for the better part of five minutes. Is there something you’d like to say?”

    Young Man: “Oh… look, I’m sorry. It’s just that I saw you two there, and—”

    Young Woman #1: “And what? You thought I wouldn’t notice you being passive aggressive over here?”

    Young Man: “Please, I’m sorry.”

    (The young woman bends down and jostles the table, causing the young man to flinch back, shifting his jacket slightly. She smiles sweetly.)

    Young Woman #1: “See, that wasn’t so…”

    (She trails off because of what she sees: beneath the young man’s now-open jacket is a bright blue ‘VOTE NO’ t-shirt. She stands slack-jawed for a moment.)

    Young Woman #1: “I… uh…”

    Young Man: *looks down* “Oh, um, I guess that would’ve helped.”

    (The young woman stutters a few more times, then rushes back to her seat. Eventually, she comes back to apologize to the poor guy.)

    Young Woman #1: “I’m sorry about that. My girlfriend just came out to her family, and they aren’t taking it well.”

    Young Man: “It’s okay. I’ve just been through a nasty breakup myself, and seeing the two of you so happy together was pretty tough for me.”

    (After hearing this, I talk to my manager, and he lets me purchase two $25 gift cards with my employee discount, which I give to both parties. All three seemed to leave as friends.)

    Cold Hearts Can Lead To Warm Cockles

    | Manchester, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

    (My friend works at a coffee kiosk at a train station. We are experiencing the coldest day of the year so far. It is only 30 minutes after opening, so she has not had a chance to warm up.)

    Customer #1: “Cinnamon latte. Small. Now.”

    My Friend: “Of course, sir.”

    (My friend starts making the latte, but her hands are numb from the cold and she makes mistakes. There is a heater near her, but it only really helps her legs.)

    Customer #1: “Will you hurry up? It’s freezing! Can’t believe I had to wait for a train in this weather! At least my office will be nice and warm when I get there!”

    (Customer #1 carries on ranting and raving about the weather. At this point, another customer behind him, Customer #2, speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “At least you don’t have to work in this weather!”

    Customer #1: *smugly* “She has a heater! And the coffee machines are spewing steam all the time. She’ll be fine!”

    Customer #2: “Would you want to work here?”

    Customer #1: “Would I, heck! It’s too cold!”

    (At this point the transaction is finished and he runs off to his platform.)

    Customer #2: *to my friend* “What an idiot! What do you recommend from the new range?”

    My Friend: “The gingerbread latte is pretty good.”

    Customer #2: “Okay. I’ll have two, please.”

    (My friend makes his order and hands him the two lattes.)

    Customer #2: “Here, for you!”

    (He takes the second drink and places it in front of my friend, but walks off before she can say anything. The festive period has begun, so there are going to be even more brutish and rude customers than usual. However, there are some really nice ones out there too! Happy Holidays!)

    Stamping Feet Over A Stamp

    | Copenhagen, Denmark | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at a chain coffee shop. We have a deal where you pay for ten coffees beforehand, to get them at a lower price. Each time a customer orders a coffee, we mark their card with a stamp.)

    Me: “Hi, what can get for you today?”

    Customer: “A cappuccino to-go.”

    (She hands me her card, I stamp it, and hand it back to her.)

    Customer: “Y-you can’t be serious.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “This can’t be true!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “This stamp! It’s looks terrible!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess it could use some new ink. They do tend to vary in size, from what I’ve seen before.”

    Customer: “This is so unprofessional! I cannot believe you would actually do this to me! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: “I’m afraid my manager is not in today, but feel free to write her an email about your complaint, or come in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “I WILL! Someone needs to put a stop to this outrage!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. Would you still like your coffee?”

    Customer: “No! I am never buying coffee here again! I am going to have you fired for this! Now take off my stamp!”

    Getting Them Back Is True Therapy

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m a barista at a coffee shop. We’re pretty busy, but two older female customers are talking loudly enough to be heard by the whole shop.)

    Woman #1: “Well, at least your daughter hasn’t forgotten that she is a woman.”

    Woman #2: “Oh, I know. It’s such a shame when a girl forgets her feminine side.”

    (At this point, Woman #2 sees a bald teenager on the other side of the shop and gestures towards her.)

    Woman #2: “Like her. She’d be so pretty with hair!”

    (Hearing this, the bald girl stands up, completely calm, and walks over to the two women. The entire shop falls silent.)

    Bald girl: *holds out her hand* “Hi, my name is [name] and I’m going through chemotherapy.”

    (Both women go scarlet and run out of the shop. The girl got an ovation and a free drink.)

    The Sound Of One Idiot (And) Clapping

    | Manchester, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Top

    (The customer at the front of the queue is talking loudly on their phone, and ignores me when I ask what they want. I decide to ask the person behind them for their order.)

    Customer #1: “Excuse me! I’m at the front. You serve me before him!”

    Me: I’m very sorry, sir. You were on your phone. What can I get you?”

    Customer #1: “Jesus! Stop interrupting me, can’t you see I’m talking to someone?” *continues conversation*

    Customer #2: *quietly, to me* “Follow my lead.” *then, very clearly, at normal speaking volume* “Clap once if you can hear me.”

    (Claps.)

    Customer #2: “Clap twice if you can hear me.”

    (Claps twice, with me and the person behind him joining in.)

    Customer #2: “Clap three times if you can hear me.”

    (Three claps, more of the queue and the people sat at a nearby table have joined in – most of the other people in the shop have stopped talking to see what the clapping is about.)

    Customer #2: “Clap four times if you can hear me.”

    (Most of the people in the shop clap along with him, with the person on the phone struggling to hear what’s being said by their friend.)

    Customer #2: “Clap five times if you can hear me.”

    (Everyone claps, and Customer #1 hangs up, looking angry.)

    Customer #1: “How dare you interr—”

    Customer #2: “Clap six times if you can hear me.”

    (Everyone, except the now fuming phone guy, claps.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, good. You seem to have finished your call. Why don’t you place your order now?”

    (Customer #1 stutters for a few seconds, then storms out, mashing at his phone.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, well. That was fun.”

    (He got his drink for free, and now we always use that to shut up customers on their phones!)

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