Venting About Ventis

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m a semi-regular patron of a local coffee shop. I witness this exchange taking place.)

Customer: “I’ll take a venti caramel machiatto, a venti iced peppermint mocha, and a venti butterscotch latte.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, we don’t offer any of those flavors apart from the peppermint mocha.”

Customer: “Well, of course you offer those. I was just looking at your online menu.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, we have never offered venti sizing. We just call it large. And we have never offered caramel machiatto or butterscotch lattes. I’m not sure any coffee shop offers butterscotch lattes.”

Customer: “I want a f***ing caramel machiatto and a butterscotch latte!”

Cashier: “If you’ll look at the menu, we do offer a salted caramel.”

Customer: “I don’t want a f***ing salted caramel. I can’t have salt; I’m on a no-salt diet. Let me speak to your manager.”

(The manager is called, and repeats the same thing the cashier has been saying.)

Customer: “I don’t understand why you won’t just f***ing make me my f***ing coffee order. It isn’t that difficult! Three venti coffees, one a caramel machiatto, one an iced peppermint mocha, and one a butterscotch latte. For f***’s sake, I order the same thing every day!”

Manager: “That isn’t possible, as we don’t offer two of those drinks. I think you want the [popular coffee chain] down the road.”

Customer: “No, I always come here and get those three drinks! I want my f***ing coffee and I’m not leaving until I get it.”

(Finally, I’ve had enough, and I speak up.)

Me: “Ma’am, they’ve told numerous times that they don’t offer those drinks. You don’t seem to get it, so I’m going to explain it again. This shop does not offer caramel machiattos or butterscotch lattes. They do not refer to their larges as ‘venti’. I’m sure they would be happy to make you a large iced peppermint mocha, but they cannot make you the other drinks. You would have to go somewhere else for them.”

Customer: “I’m not leaving until I get my f***ing drinks!”

Me: “Then you’ll be waiting an awfully long time. Meanwhile, there is a line behind you, and I’m now twenty minutes late for class, so if you would kindly get out of the way so I can order?”

(The customer mutters about the quality of service and swears not to come back, but leaves.)

Manager: *to me* “Whatever you’re getting, it’s on the house for getting rid of her. Just don’t try to order a venti.”

At Least He Isn’t Bitter

| New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Okay, time to order. I’ve heard your teas are good. What’s the difference between a tea and a tea-lemonade?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way I can answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

Customer: “Oh, come on… what’s the difference?”

Me: “Um, lemonade.”

Customer: *laughs* “I’m an idiot!”

Couples Therapy

| MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Top

(There was recently a vote in Minnesota whether or not to change the constitution to make same-sex marriage illegal. Voting ‘Yes’ would be for making it illegal, and vice versa for ‘No’. It should also be noted that there is already a law in place prohibiting same-sex marriage. I’m wiping tables at coffee shop. It’s been pretty slow, and I see two young women obviously in a relationship. They order their drinks, and then sit down. A young man of around 20 is sitting a little ways from them, wearing a heavy jacket. I’ve noticed several looks pass back and forth between them, until finally, one of the young women walks over to him.)

Young Woman #1: *to the young man* “Would you please mind your own business?”

Young Man: “I’m sorry?”

Young Woman #1: “You’ve been glaring at us for the better part of five minutes. Is there something you’d like to say?”

Young Man: “Oh… look, I’m sorry. It’s just that I saw you two there, and—”

Young Woman #1: “And what? You thought I wouldn’t notice you being passive aggressive over here?”

Young Man: “Please, I’m sorry.”

(The young woman bends down and jostles the table, causing the young man to flinch back, shifting his jacket slightly. She smiles sweetly.)

Young Woman #1: “See, that wasn’t so…”

(She trails off because of what she sees: beneath the young man’s now-open jacket is a bright blue ‘VOTE NO’ t-shirt. She stands slack-jawed for a moment.)

Young Woman #1: “I… uh…”

Young Man: *looks down* “Oh, um, I guess that would’ve helped.”

(The young woman stutters a few more times, then rushes back to her seat. Eventually, she comes back to apologize to the poor guy.)

Young Woman #1: “I’m sorry about that. My girlfriend just came out to her family, and they aren’t taking it well.”

Young Man: “It’s okay. I’ve just been through a nasty breakup myself, and seeing the two of you so happy together was pretty tough for me.”

(After hearing this, I talk to my manager, and he lets me purchase two $25 gift cards with my employee discount, which I give to both parties. All three seemed to leave as friends.)

Cold Hearts Can Lead To Warm Cockles

| Manchester, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

(My friend works at a coffee kiosk at a train station. We are experiencing the coldest day of the year so far. It is only 30 minutes after opening, so she has not had a chance to warm up.)

Customer #1: “Cinnamon latte. Small. Now.”

My Friend: “Of course, sir.”

(My friend starts making the latte, but her hands are numb from the cold and she makes mistakes. There is a heater near her, but it only really helps her legs.)

Customer #1: “Will you hurry up? It’s freezing! Can’t believe I had to wait for a train in this weather! At least my office will be nice and warm when I get there!”

(Customer #1 carries on ranting and raving about the weather. At this point, another customer behind him, Customer #2, speaks up.)

Customer #2: “At least you don’t have to work in this weather!”

Customer #1: *smugly* “She has a heater! And the coffee machines are spewing steam all the time. She’ll be fine!”

Customer #2: “Would you want to work here?”

Customer #1: “Would I, heck! It’s too cold!”

(At this point the transaction is finished and he runs off to his platform.)

Customer #2: *to my friend* “What an idiot! What do you recommend from the new range?”

My Friend: “The gingerbread latte is pretty good.”

Customer #2: “Okay. I’ll have two, please.”

(My friend makes his order and hands him the two lattes.)

Customer #2: “Here, for you!”

(He takes the second drink and places it in front of my friend, but walks off before she can say anything. The festive period has begun, so there are going to be even more brutish and rude customers than usual. However, there are some really nice ones out there too! Happy Holidays!)

Stamping Feet Over A Stamp

| Copenhagen, Denmark | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a chain coffee shop. We have a deal where you pay for ten coffees beforehand, to get them at a lower price. Each time a customer orders a coffee, we mark their card with a stamp.)

Me: “Hi, what can get for you today?”

Customer: “A cappuccino to-go.”

(She hands me her card, I stamp it, and hand it back to her.)

Customer: “Y-you can’t be serious.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “This can’t be true!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This stamp! It’s looks terrible!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess it could use some new ink. They do tend to vary in size, from what I’ve seen before.”

Customer: “This is so unprofessional! I cannot believe you would actually do this to me! I want to see your manager!”

Me: “I’m afraid my manager is not in today, but feel free to write her an email about your complaint, or come in tomorrow.”

Customer: “I WILL! Someone needs to put a stop to this outrage!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. Would you still like your coffee?”

Customer: “No! I am never buying coffee here again! I am going to have you fired for this! Now take off my stamp!”

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