• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Sales Of The Witching Hour

    | MO, USA | Bizarre, Religion

    (It is Halloween time. We have lots of decorations all over the cafe. One is a sign that says, “I’m a real witch with or without my coffee.” It’s all cartoonish with a witch on a broomstick and all that.)

    Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Coworker: “Sure.”

    Customer: *points to the sign* “Is that a real thing? Like, is it serious?”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

    Customer: “Is it about real witches?”

    Coworker: “Uh… real witches?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Like, Satan worship.”

    Coworker: “Uh…”

    (So I step in because my coworker was just stunned.)

    Me: “Oh, it’s just for Halloween.”

    Customer: “So it’s a joke.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, it’s a joke.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. It’s funny. But, you know, there are real witches.”

    Coworker: “Okay…”

    Customer: “Like, people who say they’re witches and worship Satan. My brother dated one once. Not that I’m judging!”

    Me: “It’s just supposed to be funny…”

    Customer: “Okay. That’s good that it’s not about Satan.”

    Me: “Yep… not about Satan.”

    Customer: *smiles and waves* “Okay, bye. God Bless.”

    Coworker: “Was she saying that Wiccans worship Satan?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (So now I refer to our employee meetings as Meetings of the Coffee Coven and my coworker and I started saying, “Hail Satan!” before leaving at the ends of our shifts.)

    The Munchkin Gymnast Special

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    (My brother and I work at our family coffee shop, and this happens one morning when my brother is covering the shift of our female co-worker. A middle-aged man walks in.)

    Customer: “Where are all the hot girls?”

    Brother: “…What?”

    Customer: “Don’t all the hot girls work here?”

    Brother: “Uh, well, I’m working today.”

    Customer: “Man, there’s this one…” *he holds out his hand, indicating how short our coworker is* “…She’s a little munchkin. She looks like she could be a gymnast.”

    (He eventually placed his order and left a good-sized tip.)

    Tip Of The Stupidity Iceberg

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (My sister and I are waiting to order coffee, and there is a high school cheerleader in front of us talking to the barista.)

    Cheerleader: “So, um, like, you know the iced coffee? Can you make it… like… hot?”

    Barista: “…What?”

    Cheerleader: “You know, the iced coffee with caramel? Can you make it hot?”

    (By this point, I am looking at my sister in disbelief.)

    Barista: “Well, um, yeah, we can make you a regular hot coffee with a pump of caramel.”

    Cheerleader: “…oh…”

    (She discusses this for a little bit more before simply ordering the iced coffee. It takes everything in me not to laugh at the poor girl. She seemed sweet, but that’s not defying stereotypes!)

    Needs An Urban Remedy

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (Unfortunately, I am the stupid customer in this story.)

    Employee: “Hi there! What can I get for you today?”

    Me: “Hi! Could I just get a toasted plain bagel with cream cheese?”

    Employee: “Sure! What kind of cheese?”

    Me: “…cream?”

    Employee: *laughs* “I meant what kind of cream cheese would you like?”

    Me: “Oh! What flavours do you have?”

    Employee: “Plain, strawberry, blueberry, and herb and garlic.”

    (At this point, I am tired after a day of classes and mishear the last flavour.)

    Me: *stares blankly* “Urban garlic?… Is that, like, the opposite of ‘rural garlic’ or something?”

    Take A Coffee, And Make It Better

    | OK, USA | Awesome Workers, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m a cashier for a well known coffee chain, and whenever it’s slow I like to make everyone’s cups special. A man and a woman have just entered the nearly empty cafe.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. What can I get you?”

    Man: *rattles off three drink orders and two names*

    Me: “All right, and the name for that last latte?”

    Man: “Oh, it’s for my mom. Her name is Jude.”

    Me: *adds “hey” and some music notes around the name in reference to The Beatles song “Hey Jude”*

    Man: “Oh, man, she’s going to love that!”

    Me: “Oh, well in that case.”

    Me: *picks up the cup for the woman, Sarah, and adds “smiles” and some more music notes as a reference to the Panic! At The Disco song “Sarah Smiles”*

    Woman: “Oh, my gosh; I love that song!”

    Me: “I really don’t want to leave you out, sir, but I can’t think of any songs with the name “Greg” in them, sooo…”

    Me: *adds brackets around the name and even more notes*

    Me: “There you go. You’re an instrumental track, like from a movie!”

    Man: “A cool movie?”

    Me: “The coolest.”

    (They left me a $5 tip for a $7 order and took pictures of the cups. It’s my favorite customer story for this job yet.)

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