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    Dancers In The Dark Coffee

    | USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (A young customer woman in ballet shoes comes running into the shop. She looks exhausted.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; this is going to be a really big order.”

    (She starts to rattle off a huge order. Being the only barista, I start on them as soon as she done ordering. While making the coffees, a regular walks in.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; she’ll probably be a little bit. I have really big order.”

    (The regular just scoffs, and stands at the register. I focus on the drinks I’m making.)

    Regular: “Hey!”

    Me: “I’ll be there in just a moment; I want to make sure all of her—”

    Regular: “Forget her f****** order! She and her little friends will just waste the damn drinks. Dancers, bah.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Regular: “You heard me. All you stupid little girls thinking that they’re an athlete because they can f****** dance!”

    (The customer takes a few steps back.)

    Customer: “Right, it’s so easy. Then how about you follow me.”

    (She bends backwards, practically touching her ankles. She slides back up, before standing on point. She brings one leg up and begins to spin on one foot, in place. She does it a few more times, before smirking at my regular. Still on point.)

    Customer: “Your turn.”

    (The regular scoffs, and huffs about the register until the order is finished.)

    A Super-Brew, Iron Grind, And Served Dark (Knight)

    | QLD, Australia | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (The coffee chain I work at collects money for a children’s charity. Once a month we dress up in costumes; it’s a lot of fun. This month the theme is Superheroes. I’m female, but dressed as Iron Man; there’s also Wonder Woman, Super Girl, and Batgirl.)

    Elderly Customer: “Can you actually fly in that get-up?”

    Me: “Sure can, but it spills the coffees.”

    Male Customer: “Super heroes? Serving coffee? It’s like all my teenage dreams come true! Except for you, Iron Man, cause I don’t swing that way.”

    Regular Customer: “Did you get a second job?”

    Me: “Yep. Saving the world doesn’t pay the bills.”

    High On Coffee, Low On Everything Else

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a small coffee shop outside a shopping center. There is a regular who is known for being very rude and ignorant about his wealth. I am a 17-year-old girl, who has recently got this job.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, welcome to [coffee shop], what woul—”

    Regular: *aggressively* “Coffee!”

    Me: “Okay, what ki—”

    Regular: “Dumb b**** lowlife! I said coffee!”

    Me: “Sir, please don’t use that language here.”

    Regular: “For f***’s sake! This is why I am rich, and you work at a dump like this! Probably so you can buy your drug money!”

    Me: “Sir, I—”

    Regular: “B****! WE SHOULD TAKE ALL YOU LOWLIFES, AND BURY YOU LIKE MAGGOTS!”

    Me: *tearing up* “Sir, plea—”

    Regular: “SHUT UP YOU FILTHY W**** B****! AND MAKE ME MY D*** COFFEE!”

    (My manager comes running out to see what’s going on. Before he can speak up, a small old lady next in line starts speaking.)

    Old Woman: “Now listen here, you ignorant rat! This woman has barely had a chance to speak! If we did what you said, and got rid of the lower classes, who would change your god-d*** diapers, and make you your morning cup of coffee?”

    Regular: “D*** you! I uh…” *turning to me* “I want my coffee, NOW!”

    Manager: “NO, YOU CAN LEAVE MY STORE BEFORE I CALL THE COPS!”

    (The regular turns even more red, and runs out of the store. My manager gives me the rest of the day off, as well as a free meal. The old woman also leaves me a $20 tip!)

    One Is Too Hot, One Is Too Cold, And The Customer Is Not Right

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I have just finished preparing some drinks for a guest.)

    Me: “Alright, I’ve got two caramel macchiatos, one hot, one over ice, ready at the bar!”

    (I put both drinks down, one in a hot cup, the other in an iced cup.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young man.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Are these my drinks?”

    Me: “Those are two caramel macchiatos, sir. One hot, one iced.”

    Customer: “Oh… okay.”

    Me: “Is there a problem with your drinks, sir?”

    Customer: “Err… which one’s the hot one?”

    (I physically pause for a few seconds, to see if he’s joking with me.)

    Me: “The hot one’s the hot one. The one over ice has the ice in the cup.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks! I never know what fancy coffee drinks you people make nowadays.”

    Separation Of Church And Irate

    | CA, USA | Bigotry, Politics, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (A group of women have a weekly Bible study at our coffee shop. I am waiting on a young man in line.)

    Customer: “You need to do something about those women over there. They can’t have a Bible study in a place like this.”

    Me: “Yes they can. They come here every week, order coffee and pastries, and don’t disturb anyone.”

    Customer: “Well, they are offending me! They shouldn’t be here!”

    (The customer starts yelling.)

    Customer: “SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!”

    Me: “Sir, please keep your voice down.”

    Customer: “I demand to see your manager!”

    (I get my manager, who has been observing this situation from the back room.)

    Customer: “A coffee shop is no place for a Bible study. This is offensive!”

    Manager: “These women have been meeting here for over five years. They have never caused any problem to anyone. Now give your order to the barista, and then leave.”

    (The customer orders, and as he is leaving, walks by the women and knocks a Bible onto the floor. She picks it up, puts it back on the table and heads over to the counter. She thanks me and my manager for sticking up for them, and puts a $20 in the tip jar!)

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