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    Doesn’t Read Sign Language

    | AK, USA | Language & Words, Money

    (It’s my first day in a small drive through coffee shop; another employee is also working. A customer drives up and orders two drinks, which are promptly made. When I give her the total, she tries to hand me a card. We only take cash, and have three signs placed on and around the window saying so.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; we only take cash.”

    Customer: “You didn’t tell me that! I don’t have any cash!”

    (My coworker steps in.)

    Coworker: “There is an ATM located behind you at the liquor store, and one at the gas station two buildings down. We will be happy to keep your drinks warm, until you return.”

    (The customer glares at us and zooms away. I’m pretty sure that she’s not going to be coming back. About 20 minutes later though, she zooms back up at my coworkers window.)

    Customer: “Can I have my drinks now?”

    Coworker: “That will be $8.25.”

    Customer: “You know, you should tell people that you only take cash!”

    Coworker: “Actually, we have three signs around the window, if you’ll notice.”

    Customer: “Well, people won’t notice a sign; you need to tell them!”

    Coworker: “Here is your change; thank you.”

    Customer: “What is your manager’s phone number? I’m going to tell them about this!”

    Coworker: “It’s right here on this sign.”

    (My coworker points a sign next to the big ‘Only Cash’ sign. I’ve been finishing an order right next to my coworker, and the customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “You wipe that smile off your face! You think this is so funny, don’t you!? Well, I’m going to tell your manager!”

    (Later, the owner calls to have us listen to the lady’s voicemail. She basically blows the entire situation up, saying that we had been really rude, and that I had been… laughing manically. Yes, “manically.”)

    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop, Part 2

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Regular Customer: “I’ll have a toffee-hazelnut iced coffee, but can you make it decaf?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. Switching to ‘D,’ then?”

    Regular Customer: “Yeah, my doctor told me I should cut down on sugar, so I’m going with decaf!”

    Me: “Um… there’s no sugar in regular or decaf coffee. But there is sugar in the two syrups I use to make that flavor; are you sure you want them?”

    Regular Customer: “Oh yes, I’m not cutting out every bit of sugar! Just the caffeine sugars.”

    Me: “There are zero calories, zero sugars in plain black coffee, either regular or decaf.”

    Regular Customer: “Yeah, but my sister says she cut out iced coffee and she’s lost 20 pounds! I have to have my coffee, but I figured I could just do decaf instead.”

    Me: “I can use sugar-free flavors for you if you’re trying to—”

    Regular Customer: “No! I hate that fake stuff. Just the decaf iced coffee with toffee and hazelnut. Oh, and extra cream.”

    Related:
    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 9

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    (I’m at a coffee shop that has a clear ‘We do not accept $50s or $100s” on the cash register. Customer #1 is in line with Customer #2, a teenager, behind him.)

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t accept $100s.”

    Customer #1: “You have to! You’re breaking the law!”

    (The customer starts ranting about it for a while. Meanwhile, the teenage customer behind him fiddles with her phone for a few moments before speaking up.)

    Customer #2: “Excuse me? But, no, that simply isn’t true. There is no law requiring businesses accept payment in $100 bills.”

    Customer #1: “What do you know about it? You’re just a kid!”

    Customer #2: “Well, for one, I can use Google. Here’s what the Treasury says…”

    (Customer #2 starts reading out the webpage on her phone which confirms what she says. Customer #1 shuts up and pays with normal bills.)

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 8
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

    A Drink Of Fire And Ice

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Would you like your drink hot or iced today, sir?”

    Customer: “Hmm?”

    Me: “You have the option of having your drink hot or over ice.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Do you want your drink iced or hot?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what that means.”

    In-Sip-Id Conversations

    | Birmingham, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’ve just made some drinks for a group of older customers. I call out one of the drinks. One of the customers comes over and picks up the cup.)

    Customer: “Is this my drink?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. Did you have the [drink name]?”

    Customer: “I don’t know… I think so.”

    (She walks away with the drink; about a minute passes before she returns.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a dumb question.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I just want to know: how many sips do I have to take before I get to the coffee?”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve been sipping on this for a little bit and I still haven’t tasted coffee.”

    Me: “Well, there’s whipped cream on top… I can scoop it off for you if you’d like.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I just wanted to know!”

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