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    High On Coffee, Low On Everything Else

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a small coffee shop outside a shopping center. There is a regular who is known for being very rude and ignorant about his wealth. I am a 17-year-old girl, who has recently got this job.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, welcome to [coffee shop], what woul—”

    Regular: *aggressively* “Coffee!”

    Me: “Okay, what ki—”

    Regular: “Dumb b**** lowlife! I said coffee!”

    Me: “Sir, please don’t use that language here.”

    Regular: “For f***’s sake! This is why I am rich, and you work at a dump like this! Probably so you can buy your drug money!”

    Me: “Sir, I—”

    Regular: “B****! WE SHOULD TAKE ALL YOU LOWLIFES, AND BURY YOU LIKE MAGGOTS!”

    Me: *tearing up* “Sir, plea—”

    Regular: “SHUT UP YOU FILTHY W**** B****! AND MAKE ME MY D*** COFFEE!”

    (My manager comes running out to see what’s going on. Before he can speak up, a small old lady next in line starts speaking.)

    Old Woman: “Now listen here, you ignorant rat! This woman has barely had a chance to speak! If we did what you said, and got rid of the lower classes, who would change your god-d*** diapers, and make you your morning cup of coffee?”

    Regular: “D*** you! I uh…” *turning to me* “I want my coffee, NOW!”

    Manager: “NO, YOU CAN LEAVE MY STORE BEFORE I CALL THE COPS!”

    (The regular turns even more red, and runs out of the store. My manager gives me the rest of the day off, as well as a free meal. The old woman also leaves me a $20 tip!)

    One Is Too Hot, One Is Too Cold, And The Customer Is Not Right

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I have just finished preparing some drinks for a guest.)

    Me: “Alright, I’ve got two caramel macchiatos, one hot, one over ice, ready at the bar!”

    (I put both drinks down, one in a hot cup, the other in an iced cup.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young man.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Are these my drinks?”

    Me: “Those are two caramel macchiatos, sir. One hot, one iced.”

    Customer: “Oh… okay.”

    Me: “Is there a problem with your drinks, sir?”

    Customer: “Err… which one’s the hot one?”

    (I physically pause for a few seconds, to see if he’s joking with me.)

    Me: “The hot one’s the hot one. The one over ice has the ice in the cup.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks! I never know what fancy coffee drinks you people make nowadays.”

    Separation Of Church And Irate

    | CA, USA | Bigotry, Politics, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (A group of women have a weekly Bible study at our coffee shop. I am waiting on a young man in line.)

    Customer: “You need to do something about those women over there. They can’t have a Bible study in a place like this.”

    Me: “Yes they can. They come here every week, order coffee and pastries, and don’t disturb anyone.”

    Customer: “Well, they are offending me! They shouldn’t be here!”

    (The customer starts yelling.)

    Customer: “SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!”

    Me: “Sir, please keep your voice down.”

    Customer: “I demand to see your manager!”

    (I get my manager, who has been observing this situation from the back room.)

    Customer: “A coffee shop is no place for a Bible study. This is offensive!”

    Manager: “These women have been meeting here for over five years. They have never caused any problem to anyone. Now give your order to the barista, and then leave.”

    (The customer orders, and as he is leaving, walks by the women and knocks a Bible onto the floor. She picks it up, puts it back on the table and heads over to the counter. She thanks me and my manager for sticking up for them, and puts a $20 in the tip jar!)

    Food For Thoughtless

    | Derby, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (The store I work in is now a very popular coffee brand store. We’ve been open for two weeks. The building was previously a food and dining store, but the building had been empty eight months prior to our store opening.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not very d*** good now!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m ever so sorry to hear that! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I came here for some breakfast, but you’re not [old store] any more!”

    Me: “Well, we do have breakfast options. We can heat them for yo—”

    Customer: “NO GOOD! I WANTED HOT FOOD!”

    Me: “We can do you hot food; we offer porridge, and of course our lovely hot dr—”

    Customer: “IT’S S***! IT’S GARBAGE, THAT’S WHAT IT IS! I WON’T PUT UP WITH IT!”

    (While he’s steadily getting angrier, another customer has entered the store behind him.)

    Me: “Um, there’s not really much else I can do I’m afraid, sir. Was there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a… NO! I’ll go somewhere else. THIS IS TOTAL S***! What do you have to say for yourself?!”

    Me: “Er… I’m sorry but [old store] hasn’t been open on this site for almost a year, so there really is nothing I can do about it. If that is everything, I will just serve the next customer who has been waiting patiently. Thank you, have a good d—”

    Customer: “I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU! I WA—”

    Next Customer: “Well, she’s finished with YOU! You’re obviously bloody stupid; EVERYONE knows that [old store] hasn’t been here for ages! It’s too d*** early for you to be yelling at this poor girl! Now, sod off and let me get my coffee!”

    (The first customer all but runs from the store.)

    Me: “Wow, thank you for that! I’m so sorry you had to step in though!”

    Next Customer: “No worries, my darling! Hey, I recognise you; didn’t you work at [popular fast food store]?”

    Me: “Yup! Five years of putting up with customers like that; I think I may have brought them with me!”

    Next Customer: “Oh, dear me. Well, this is for you, darling! Keep that smile going!”

    (The woman hands me a £5 note, swiftly followed by several more from the other customers in the store, all of whom come over when they hear where I used to work!)

    Shaken About The Stirring

    | NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (We have a condiment bar right next to the door that offers various sugars, half & half, and other coffee additives that the customers can add themselves.)

    Me: “Hi! What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a decaf latte with two sugars, please.”

    Me: “Certainly. Our sugar is over by the door for your convenience.”

    Customer: “Oh, of course.”

    (I ring him up, and my coworker makes his latte and hands it to me. I place it on the counter for the customer, who comes up and proceeds to stare at me.)

    Me: “Yes? Is there anything else, sir?”

    Customer: “Oh! I’m so sorry.”

    (He runs across the shop to the door, picks out two packets of sugar, and then runs back and hands them to me expectantly.)

    Me: “You want me to add them?”

    Customer: “Of course!”

    Me: “…okay.”

    (I add the packets myself while he watches. I replace the lid and hand it back, but he continues to stare at me.)

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “The sugar is just going to settle at the bottom if you don’t stir it!”

    Me: “The stirrers are provided for you at the condiment bar, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, fine! I’ll just do it myself.”

    (He hustles out, grabbing a stirrer and clumsily trying to fix his coffee as he walks. My coworker stares at me.)

    Coworker: “Did he just make all the effort of running all over the shop, just to have you pour his sugar in?”


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