Butter(beer) Them Up

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

(I run the anime club at my school, and we have had to relocate to the coffee shop a couple blocks away.)

Barista: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Friend: “Hi! I would like to order one large mocha!”

Barista: “Under what name?”

Friend: “Hmmm… how about Hermione?”

Barista: “Okay!”

(15 minutes later…)

Barista: “Hermione Granger! Ten points to Gryffindor!”

Friend: *speechless, then breaks out laughing* “That was the best thing ever!”

Barista: “I drew a little surprise on the back of the cup!”

(It was a drawing of Hermione’s cat!)

A Latte Attitude

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(It is the middle of summer with temperatures climbing into the triple digits.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get started for you today?”

Customer: “One large chai tea latte.”

Me: “Alright, no problem. Would you like that hot or iced today?”

(The customer stares at me.)

Customer: “Chai tea latte.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Iced or hot?”

Customer: “Latte!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The chai tea latte comes iced or hot, and—”

Customer: “Christ! Latte means hot! Do they teach you nothing?! Just give me my chai latte!”

A Nice Hot Cup Of Karma

| UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work in a small sandwich shop owned by my parents. We are famous locally for giving great value for money. It is Saturday morning and I am on my own. A customer walks in.)

Me: “Good morning, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “How much is a tea?”

Me: “£1.”

Customer: “And how much do you get?”

(I am a little taken aback by this, but I show him a cup. It’s roughly the same dimensions as a standard mug.)

Customer: “That’s f****** ridiculous! Are you trying to f****** rip us all off!?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t know what to say. We have the cheapest tea in the area that uses proper milk. I don’t make the prices!”

(At this point a regular walks in.)

Customer: “I don’t care! You don’t f****** know anything. Get me your godd*** manager. Do you know who I am?”

Regular: “Excuse me? You shouldn’t swear at her, or call her stupid. She’s been serving me for a year now and she’s never let me down once!”

Customer: *not looking at him or paying much attention* “Yeah, whatever, mate. Who the f*** do you think you are?”

Regular: “Your boss’ husband.”

(The customer turns, finally notices who the regular is, and runs out. I thank my regular by giving him a free plated breakfast. It later turns out that the customer was fired, ironically for poor customer service!)

The Bald And The Beautiful, Part 2

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Health & Body, Top

(I’ve recently been diagnosed with leukemia and am due to undergo chemotherapy. I decide to have fun with my hair and dye it blue knowing it’ll be gone soon. I’m at my favorite coffee shop.)

Customer In Line: “Excuse me. Is there a manager on duty?”

Manager: “I’m the manager on duty. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer In Line: *points straight at me* “Can you have HIM escorted from the premises?”

Manager: “I can’t see anything he’s doing wrong, ma’am. May I ask why you want him to leave?”

Customer In Line: “Are you blind? Look at that punk. His kind should not be allowed in an establishment like this.”

(Having heard more than I wish to, I decide to step in.)

Me: “Is something about me bothering you?”

Customer In Line: “YES! Look at your hair! You little rebel punks need to have some respect.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, miss. Should I get rid of it?”

Customer In Line: “It would be a start.”

Me: “Well, my chemotherapy treatment is on Wednesday, so odds are the next time you’ll see me it’ll be gone.”

(The customer goes pale and walks away without saying a word. The manager gives me a big hug and a $25 gift card!)

Related:
The Bald And The Beautiful

A Sizeable Gap In Knowledge

| UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’d like a cappuccino, please, to take away.”

Me: “A cappuccino to take away. No problem.”

Customer: “Is that a large or a small?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Do I want a large or a small cappuccino?”

Me: “I don’t know…”

Customer: “Look. I just want to know if I want a large or a small!”

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