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    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 9

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    (I’m at a coffee shop that has a clear ‘We do not accept $50s or $100s” on the cash register. Customer #1 is in line with Customer #2, a teenager, behind him.)

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t accept $100s.”

    Customer #1: “You have to! You’re breaking the law!”

    (The customer starts ranting about it for a while. Meanwhile, the teenage customer behind him fiddles with her phone for a few moments before speaking up.)

    Customer #2: “Excuse me? But, no, that simply isn’t true. There is no law requiring businesses accept payment in $100 bills.”

    Customer #1: “What do you know about it? You’re just a kid!”

    Customer #2: “Well, for one, I can use Google. Here’s what the Treasury says…”

    (Customer #2 starts reading out the webpage on her phone which confirms what she says. Customer #1 shuts up and pays with normal bills.)

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 8
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

    A Drink Of Fire And Ice

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Would you like your drink hot or iced today, sir?”

    Customer: “Hmm?”

    Me: “You have the option of having your drink hot or over ice.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Do you want your drink iced or hot?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what that means.”

    In-Sip-Id Conversations

    | Birmingham, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’ve just made some drinks for a group of older customers. I call out one of the drinks. One of the customers comes over and picks up the cup.)

    Customer: “Is this my drink?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. Did you have the [drink name]?”

    Customer: “I don’t know… I think so.”

    (She walks away with the drink; about a minute passes before she returns.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a dumb question.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I just want to know: how many sips do I have to take before I get to the coffee?”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve been sipping on this for a little bit and I still haven’t tasted coffee.”

    Me: “Well, there’s whipped cream on top… I can scoop it off for you if you’d like.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I just wanted to know!”

    Dancers In The Dark Coffee

    | USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (A young customer woman in ballet shoes comes running into the shop. She looks exhausted.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; this is going to be a really big order.”

    (She starts to rattle off a huge order. Being the only barista, I start on them as soon as she done ordering. While making the coffees, a regular walks in.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; she’ll probably be a little bit. I have really big order.”

    (The regular just scoffs, and stands at the register. I focus on the drinks I’m making.)

    Regular: “Hey!”

    Me: “I’ll be there in just a moment; I want to make sure all of her—”

    Regular: “Forget her f****** order! She and her little friends will just waste the damn drinks. Dancers, bah.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Regular: “You heard me. All you stupid little girls thinking that they’re an athlete because they can f****** dance!”

    (The customer takes a few steps back.)

    Customer: “Right, it’s so easy. Then how about you follow me.”

    (She bends backwards, practically touching her ankles. She slides back up, before standing on point. She brings one leg up and begins to spin on one foot, in place. She does it a few more times, before smirking at my regular. Still on point.)

    Customer: “Your turn.”

    (The regular scoffs, and huffs about the register until the order is finished.)

    A Super-Brew, Iron Grind, And Served Dark (Knight)

    | QLD, Australia | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (The coffee chain I work at collects money for a children’s charity. Once a month we dress up in costumes; it’s a lot of fun. This month the theme is Superheroes. I’m female, but dressed as Iron Man; there’s also Wonder Woman, Super Girl, and Batgirl.)

    Elderly Customer: “Can you actually fly in that get-up?”

    Me: “Sure can, but it spills the coffees.”

    Male Customer: “Super heroes? Serving coffee? It’s like all my teenage dreams come true! Except for you, Iron Man, cause I don’t swing that way.”

    Regular Customer: “Did you get a second job?”

    Me: “Yep. Saving the world doesn’t pay the bills.”


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