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    Hope He Is Kidding

    | BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (I work in a coffee shop that has a drive-thru, and we’re currently in the afternoon rush. I’m wearing a headset, making drinks for my manager who is taking the drive-thru orders.)

    Coworker: “Hi there, welcome to [coffee shop]; how’s your day going?

    Customer: “It’s alright. Get me a large black coffee.”

    Coworker: “For sure! Can we get you an oat bar to go with that today?”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Coworker: “An oat bar.”

    Customer: *angrily* “No, I don’t want a goat farm with that!”

    Solving Difficult Number Tables

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (The coffee shop I work in has a policy for customers to order their hot food from the tills, by providing their table number. Every table has its own individual number super-glued firmly to it. My coworker calls a customer to her counter.)

    Coworker: “Hello there, are you ordering food today?”

    Customer: “Yes, here’s our table number.”

    (The customer then HANDS OVER the number plate that was super-glued to the table.)

    Coworker: “Did you take this off of the table?”

    Customer: “Yes! It was really stuck on there though!”

    (I’ve never seen anyone take this policy quite so literally.)

    This One Definitely Needs Decaf

    | Washington, DC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a customer at a popular coffee chain. I overhear the following exchange between the cashier, who has been there for years, and a customer.)

    Cashier: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a decaf latte, with caffeine.”

    Cashier: “Okay… so a regular latte?”

    Customer: *impatiently* “No, a decaf latte with caffeine.”

    Cashier: “Sir, ‘decaf’ means ‘less caffeine.’ If you want caffeine, you want a regular latte.”

    Customer: “S***, was I saying caffeine? I meant with caramel. I’m an idiot.” *loudly to the rest of the line* “Don’t be an idiot like me, people!”

    It’s Only A Paper Cup

    | Canada | Bizarre

    (A customer walks up to my till and orders a coffee.)

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be $1.65. Is that for here or to go?”

    Customer: “For here. Why did you ask me that?”

    Me: “If it’s for here, we put it in a mug. If it’s to go, we put it in a paper cup.”

    Customer: “Paper?”

    Me: “Yep! A paper cup.”

    Customer: “Paaaaper?”

    Me: “Um, yes, is that what you’d prefer?”

    Customer: “Paaaaaaper?”

    Me: *thinking he might not know the difference* “Yes, see, here’s a paper cup, and here’s a mug.”

    Customer: “Paaaaaaaaper?”

    Me: “Paper cup it is!”

    (I make him his drink and hand it to him. He stares at it, hands me the money, and nods.)

    Customer: “Paaaaaaper!”

    Piercing Judgments

    | Medford, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

    (I have a purple/reddish birthmark about the size of a quarter above my eyebrow. I generally forget it exists. A self-important looking customer in his 60s comes to my register.)

    Customer: “Serves you right.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “What happened, did it get infected?” *huffs* “That’s what you get for piercing your face.”

    (Note: I have several small studs in each ear, but no other piercings.)

    Me: “I don’t know what you mean.”

    Customer: *smugly points to my eyebrow without saying a word*

    Me: “That’s actually a birthmark, but thanks for being so judgmental!”

    (The customer turns red, grabs his coffee, and quickly walks away without saying a word. He nearly spills his coffee on someone else in the process!)

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