Needs An Urban Remedy

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(Unfortunately, I am the stupid customer in this story.)

Employee: “Hi there! What can I get for you today?”

Me: “Hi! Could I just get a toasted plain bagel with cream cheese?”

Employee: “Sure! What kind of cheese?”

Me: “…cream?”

Employee: *laughs* “I meant what kind of cream cheese would you like?”

Me: “Oh! What flavours do you have?”

Employee: “Plain, strawberry, blueberry, and herb and garlic.”

(At this point, I am tired after a day of classes and mishear the last flavour.)

Me: *stares blankly* “Urban garlic?… Is that, like, the opposite of ‘rural garlic’ or something?”

Take A Coffee, And Make It Better

| OK, USA | Awesome Workers, Musical Mayhem

(I’m a cashier for a well known coffee chain, and whenever it’s slow I like to make everyone’s cups special. A man and a woman have just entered the nearly empty cafe.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. What can I get you?”

Man: *rattles off three drink orders and two names*

Me: “All right, and the name for that last latte?”

Man: “Oh, it’s for my mom. Her name is Jude.”

Me: *adds “hey” and some music notes around the name in reference to The Beatles song “Hey Jude”*

Man: “Oh, man, she’s going to love that!”

Me: “Oh, well in that case.”

Me: *picks up the cup for the woman, Sarah, and adds “smiles” and some more music notes as a reference to the Panic! At The Disco song “Sarah Smiles”*

Woman: “Oh, my gosh; I love that song!”

Me: “I really don’t want to leave you out, sir, but I can’t think of any songs with the name “Greg” in them, sooo…”

Me: *adds brackets around the name and even more notes*

Me: “There you go. You’re an instrumental track, like from a movie!”

Man: “A cool movie?”

Me: “The coolest.”

(They left me a $5 tip for a $7 order and took pictures of the cups. It’s my favorite customer story for this job yet.)

A Calculated Attack

| USA | Bizarre

(I am working in a coffee shop, getting ready to leave. There is a girl there who is usually very quiet. She is a year older than me and it looks like she had been studying math. She is carrying a large graphing calculator on top of her binder and she is walking out the same time I am.)

Girl: *drops her graphing calculator and it hits me* “You have just been attacked by the power of math.”

This Is Just The Tip Of The Ice

, | Okemos, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in a small coffee kiosk located in a shopping mall. A customer comes up, and the transaction is fairly normal right up until the end.)

Customer: “This coffee is so hot! Could you please get me some ice to cool it down?”

Me: “Of course!”

(I proceed to grab a paper cup and put a reasonable amount of ice in it, which I then hand to the customer.)

Customer: “Oh, this isn’t enough! Can I have more?”

Me: “Sure, sorry about that!” *I do exactly as she asks*

Customer: “Now this is just too much ice. Can you pour a little out?”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

(I’m a little annoyed, but do my best to be as polite as possible as I pour a little bit of ice out.)

Customer: “That’s still too much ice! I really wish I could just do this myself…”

(The customer then proceeds to pour about half of the ice into her hand, and then holds out her hand full of ice, clearly expecting me to do the same.)

Me: “Uh….”

(I grab a nearby cup for her to pour it in. She ignores this, dumps the ice on the credit card reader and containers of sugar packets, and walks away happily as can be with her coffee filled with what she apparently considered to be the perfect amount of ice.)

Trying To Go Dutch On The Danish

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a popular coffee chain that also sells baked treats. A very polite, very elderly man purchases a cheese Danish, leaving only one in the tray. The next customer, a young woman, buys the last cheese Danish. She gives me cash, and while I am counting it out, the old man comes up to the counter again. He points at the cheese Danish that the young woman is holding.)

Old Man: “Excuse me, young lady, that’s mine.”

Young Woman: “Oh…”

(She glances at me uncertainly, and I look around. I spot the old man’s cheese Danish on a table nearby.)

Me: “Sir, yours is right there.” *points*

(The old man turns and looks, and looks genuinely surprised to see the cheese Danish.)

Old Man: “Oh, my…”

Young Woman: “Dessert buddies!”

(She high fives him and hurries out of the shop, blushing.)

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