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  • This Customer Is Soda-pressing

    | VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I am a barista at a famous, internationally known coffee shop and working at the cash register. The company at the moment only sells coffee-related drinks, ‘frappuccinos,’ teas, and other caffeine/coffee related products for drinks.)

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am! And what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a ham artisan sandwich.”

    Me: “All right, and anything to drink?

    Customer: “And I want a diet [Soda].”

    Me: *thinking that I misheard her* “I’m sorry, ma’am, what did you say?”

    Customer: “I SAID I want a diet [Soda].”

    Me: “Oh, um, I’m sorry, ma’am; we don’t… carry that here.”

    Customer: *looks at me with both eyebrows raised, incredulously* “You don’t carry soda?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: *throws her head back, scoffing* “That’s ridiculous! Fine, then I’ll just have a…” *looks at the menu* “I’ll just have a coffee then.”

    Me: “All right, just a coffee? Would you like the medium blend? Or a different brew?” *we have a light, medium, dark, and decaf at the ready right behind me*

    Customer: *scoffs again* “Just a coffee! Whatever!”

    Me: “All right, one medium coffee. Anything else?”

    Customer: “That’s all!” *she looks at her friend/coworker the whole time as if this was all a tiring exchange*

    It’s No Use Lying Over Spilt Milk

    | ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a big name coffee chain. This conversation is taking place over headsets; I’m in the back unpacking stock.)

    Coworker: “Is it possible to be allergic to milk fat?”

    Me: “I don’t know, maybe? Some pretty weird allergies run in my family.”

    Coworker: “This customer just asked for a drink made nonfat because she’s allergic to milk fat.”

    Me: “Well, if she says there’s an allergy, assume she’s telling the truth.”

    Coworker: “And she wants whipped cream on it.”

    Me: “…”

    No Meat In Their Brain, Part 3

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I’m working the register at a popular coffee shop chain. A woman inspects our breakfast sandwiches for a few minutes before approaching me.)

    Customer: “Can I get one of the reduced fat turkey bacon sandwiches?”

    Me: “I’m so sorry; we just sold out of those. Is there anything else I can offer you today?”

    Customer: “Well, what else do you have that’s vegetarian?”

    Related:
    No Meat In Their Brain, Part 2
    No Meat In Their Brain

    They Have It Made

    | ON, Canada | Geography, Health & Body, Transportation

    (I work night shift at a very popular Canadian coffee chain. Four drunk customers walk into the store, barely able to stand. I spot a white limo outside and these customers are dressed like they’ve been out clubbing.)

    Me: “Hey, there. What can I get you ladies?”

    Drunk Customer: “Hey, um, I have a question?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Drunk Customer: “Um, what city are we in?”

    Me: *stammering* “P-pardon me?”

    Drunk Customer: “Oh, my God. Are you deaf? What CITY are we in?”

    Me: “Erm… you’re in between [City #1] and [City #2].”

    Drunk Customer: *turns back to her friends* “OH, MY GOD, GUYS! WE MADE IT!”

    (It turned out that the ladies had been gambling in Niagara Falls, about three hours away. After asking for the address of the place and reassuring me that they lived in City #1 and they were headed home (they thought), they left without asking for anything and I was left to wonder exactly how intoxicated one had to be to be that lost and that un-phased by it.)

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 14

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (I’m working at the register when a regular customer (who is a man) approaches me.)

    Regular: “[My Name], I have a question for you.”

    Me: “Yeah, what is it?”

    Regular: “Um… have you read Twilight?”

    Me: “No, I haven’t actually read it.”

    Regular: “Oh, thank God! I like you.”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 13
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 12
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 11

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