Blowing A Lot Of Hot Air About A Lot Of Gas

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(On this particular morning, the other baristas and I have to evacuate the building due to a gas leak on an upper floor. We are outside on the patio, waiting for fire rescue to finish checking it out.)

Customer: *walks up and tries to open the locked door*

Me: “Ma’am! Please do not go in!”

Customer: *pulls on the door again* “Why not? You’re supposed to be open!”

Me: “We had to evacuate the building due to a gas leak!”

Customer: “Well, you should have put up a closed sign!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we were instructed to exit the building as fast as possible so we didn’t have time.”

(The customer leaves in a huff. Two hours later, after we have reopened:)

Customer: “I can’t believe I had to come back because you guys were closed this morning!”

Me: “…Sorry. Again, we had to evacuate the building so we didn’t die.”

Customer: “Hmph!”

When They’re More Bitter Than The Coffee

| Dallas, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work at a large coffee chain, and this week I’m helping out at another location instead of my ‘home’ store. Naturally, I don’t know any of their regulars.)

Me: *handing drink to a customer* “Okay, here’s your dark roast coffee with two sugars.”

Customer: “Next time I come in, you’re going to remember my order.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re not going to ask for my order again.”

(I think maybe he’s joking, because, while of course I’d like to give everyone personal service, no one who is new to the store would be able to immediately know (and remember!) what all the regular customers order. But he is stone-faced, without even a hint of a smile.)

Me: *with a smile* “Well, I’ll do my best, Sir!”

Customer: “No, you’ll remember. What was my order again?”

Me: “… a dark roast coffee with two sugars.”

(He takes his coffee and walks off without another word. I look around with a ‘did that really just happen?’ expression. As soon as he left, the other baristas all chimed in with other examples of him being unbelievably rude. Sure enough, the next day, he came in and insisted on being helped immediately because “you have four people back there,” even though all four of us were busy doing something to help the customers in line ahead of him. I have no idea why someone would choose to be a regular at a coffee shop and then treat everyone so badly all the time!)

Refuses To Speak Starbucksian

| FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I’ve just finished handing off a drink to a customer at our pick-up counter. There’s a pair of ladies waiting to order at my register, and as I approach them, I overhear their conversation:)

Customer #1: “…Yeah, I just refuse to learn their language.”

(Our area has a fairly high population of non-English/English-as-a-second-language speakers. I brace myself to deal with “everyone should speak English,” until…)

Customer #2: “Really?”

Customer #1: “Yep! I just point to what I want.”

(Apparently, the ‘language’ she refuses to learn is ‘medium hot coffee with cream, please.’)

Will Have To Start Clover

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am a customer waiting to collect my coffee at a popular coffee shop.)

Barista: *setting drink on counter* “I have a latte, for Laura!”

(I reach for my drink, but before I can get to it a man picks it up. I let him, because I’ve been yelled at in the past for taking my drink when someone with the same name and same drink is also waiting for their order. He takes a sip, and spits it out.)

Man: “This is disgusting! It tastes milky; why is this milky?”

Barista: “It’s a latte.”

Man: “No, it’s not. It’s a Clover. You said it was a Clover. I want this remade. And do it right!”

Second Barista: “I have a Clover, for Mike.”

Barista: “Is that one yours?”

Me: *chiming in* “You took my latte.” *to the barista* “I’m sorry; would it be possible for me to have another one made?”

Man: “Well, why the hell didn’t you tell me I was drinking the wrong thing?”

Barista: *drops head onto counter*

O, Canaduh, Part 4

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Geography

(It is a warm day in late June. The customer I am serving has a pronounced American accent.)

Me: “I couldn’t help noticing your accent. Where are you from?”

Customer: “Des Moines. It’s my first time in Canada.”

Me: “What do you think so far?”

Customer: “Well, I was a little shocked when we were flying in, actually.”

Me: “About what?”

Customer: “I was pretty surprised not to see snow.”

Me: “I think that Iowa and Ontario have a pretty similar climate. Is there snow on the ground there right now?”

Customer: “No, but this is CANADA.”

Related:
O, Canaduh, Part 3
O, Canaduh, Part 2
O, Canaduh

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