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    Before Black Friday Comes Brainless Thursday

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays

    (Our store is open on Thanksgiving, and I’m one of the unlucky few scheduled to work. This means I don’t get to go to the traditional feast. Nobody is happy, and the store is mostly dead. We have more or less the same exchange with the few customers who come in.)

    Customer #1: “Dear, you shouldn’t be working on Thanksgiving! Do you get to see your family at all today?”

    Me: “No, we close too late. But it’s not really that bad in the end.”

    Customer #2: “That’s still awful. You girls should all be home eating and enjoying yourselves!”

    Customer #1: “It’s shameful they make you come out and miss a holiday just for money and greed.”

    Customer #2: “I know! Why in the world would anybody be open on Thanksgiving?”

    (At this point I am bored, depressed, tired, as well as hungry.)

    Me: “If people like you did not insist on shopping today, we wouldn’t be open. Everyone would be at home where they wish they were.”

    (Surprisingly I was not fired, or even written up. The manager was just as annoyed at having to work as I was!)

    They Got Owned

    | Greenwich, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I work in a very affluent part of town at a very well-known clothing store. The owners are known around town and come into the store very often. We get a lot of wealthy and prominent customers who are used to getting what they want, no matter what. Because of this, we try do everything we can to satisfy them the best we can.)

    Me: “Hello there, can I help you with anything today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I am looking for [item], and I need it in this size.”

    Me: “Okay! Let me go check for you. I’ll be back in a moment.”

    (Meanwhile, one of the owners walks in and starts talking to my manager.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t happen to have that item in stock. I can check another store for you if you like, and we can ship it to you free of charge.”

    Customer: *screaming* “THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! I WANT THIS ITEM NOW! I KNOW YOU HAVE IT SOMEWHERE!”

    Me: “I am very sorry, ma’am, but we do not have that item. We don’t have it in any sizes. We unfortunately sold out. But I can call a few of our other stores and get it shipped to you.”

    Customer: “NOT ACCEPTABLE! I WANT THIS NOW!”

    (She sees another customer who is wearing what she wants. This ‘customer’ just happens to be the owner.)

    Customer: “This is the item I want. GIVE IT TO ME!”

    Other Customer/Owner: *winks at me*

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you cannot ask this customer to give you his shorts. I can check another store for you though.”

    Customer: “No! I want his shorts!” *turns to the owner* “Give me your shorts! I know the owner personally. He says I can do whatever I want!”

    Other Customer/Owner: “Oh, I had know idea that you knew the owner. What’s his name?”

    Customer: “Um, his name is Paul! Now give me the shorts!”

    (Meanwhile, a few other customers and the manager walk over to see the fuss.)

    Other Customer/Owner: “Huh, that’s weird. My name isn’t Paul. Welcome to my store. Now, get out before I press charges.”

    Customer: *freezes and runs out of the store*

    (I unfortunately didn’t get a raise. I’m only a seasonal employee, but I did end up being able to get a huge discount on clothes for the rest of my life and I even got to pick out a few outfits free of charge!)

    Thicker Coat Required

    | USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (One of my coworkers has a really beautiful full-length black wool coat that’s lined with a very soft faux fur that, despite being fake, feels real. She gets questions about where she got it from our clientele a lot, but she actually made it herself. It is really cold outside.)

    Customer: *spotting my co-worker on her way to her lunch break* “Oh. My. God. That coat is gorgeous!”

    Coworker: “Oh, thank you.”

    Customer: “Give it to me.”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, the coat is not for sale.”

    Customer: “Bulls***! Everything in this store is! Now give me that jacket! I’m more smarter than you, I know how everything works! If you want something in your store, you can only buy it after us real people are done shopping and only if it’s something we don’t want!”

    Coworker: “Um… ma’am, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, but this jacket didn’t come from this store. I made it at home.”

    Customer: “No you didn’t! It’s mine! *tries to snatch the back of the coat as my coworker dodges her*

    Coworker: “Ma’am, this is my jacket that I made for myself. We do not sell this jacket in the store, although we have some similar ones. I will not just give you my jacket.

    Customer: “It’s mine! Not yours, mine!”

    Manager: *to me* “What’s going on?”

    Me: *I explain*

    Manager: *to the customer* “Ma’am, that is my employee’s jacket. It’s not for sale.”

    Customer: *stamps her feet and screams* “BUT I WANT IT!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You can’t have my employee’s jacket. She needs it herself. It’s too cold. If you want a jacket, you can come back another time when you’ve calmed down.”

    (She leaves, but comes back about ten minutes later with the police. They have a department on the other side of our parking lot. She points at my manager, my coworker, and me.)

    Customer: “Those worthless pieces of trash are trying to steal my jacket!”

    (My manager explains the situation, and they take a statement from my coworker, who had proof that she had actually handmade the jacket in the form of a series of photographs on her phone that detailed the ‘work in progress’. In the end, it was the customer who was arrested for creating a disturbance!)

    Paying Fool Price

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    Me: “…and your total comes to $10.28.”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t. I bought two shirts.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but today is a buy 1, get 1 free sale on all women’s apparel.”

    Customer: “Is this some sort of scheme? Because I’m not gonna pay unless I pay for both! I ain’t falling for no scheme!”

    Me: “Miss, I can assure you that today is a a buy 1, get 1 free sale.”

    Customer: *throws down a $20 and a $1 and storms out of the store*

    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 4

    | MA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I work in a medical uniform store. The first customer of the day comes into our store with her father; she’s making a big return on several different items. Instead of doing an even exchange, she picks out different clothes as well as adding a watch that wasn’t originally with the purchase. I’ve rung everything through and the new total is five or six dollars above $100. This is important, as the place she works at gives her a $100 allowance at our store.)

    Customer: “Are you sure the price is right?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, one of the tops rang up above price, but I knocked it down to the ticketed price for you.”

    Customer: “What about the money from my return?”

    Me: “It was taken out of what you were buying already. [Price] is what’s left over after the return money has been taken out.”

    Customer: “That’s still not right. I took a cheaper pair of shoes to afford the watch.”

    Me: “Let me show you how this breaks down…”

    (I take out the register calculator and add up her returns for her. I then add up her purchases total, which comes out bigger than the returns. She makes me repeat this another time. Meanwhile a line is starting to form with other customers; it’s a small store and I’m the only register open. She decides to switch tactics.)

    Customer: “I think I was overcharged when I first bought the clothes. The tag and the charge on the receipt don’t match, see?”

    (She holds out the original receipt and makes me recalculate everything again. Sure enough, she hasn’t been overcharged on anything. As the line is growing longer, she switches tactics again.)

    Customer: “I get a discount for working at [hospital] right?”

    Me: “Normally, yes, but that’s only for full priced items. All of yours are already on sale. I can’t compound discounts.”

    Customer: “But I work at [hospital]! You should give me the discount!”

    Me: “Ma’am, store policy says I cannot put a hospital discount on something that is already discounted.”

    Customer: “The girl who rang me up the first time did!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we just went through the receipt. Nowhere were you given a hospital discount when the item was already on sale. And, regardless, that was her and this is me; store policy says I cannot compound the discount.”

    (The customer opens her mouth to try again, but thankfully her father, who has been patiently waiting along with the other customers in line, intervenes.)

    Customer’s Father: “She has given you all the discounts she can. Here, I will pay for it.”

    (He hands me the money, I finish the transaction, and they leave. The next customer in line steps up and I thank her for waiting.)

    Next Customer: “You have a lot of patience, young lady! I would have kicked her out of the store a long time ago.”

    Related:
    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 3
    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 2
    It Pays To Be Patient

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