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    Way Under-Branded

    | Regina, SK, Canada | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

    (My clothing store has just sent out an email announcing ‘Winter Sale Underway!’ )

    Me: “Hello [store], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I was wondering if you have any ‘Underway?'”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Caller: “Do you have any ‘Underway?'”

    Me: “Do you mean underwear?”

    Caller: “No! ‘Underway!’ It’s a brand, and it’s supposed to be on sale!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I’m not familiar with that brand.”

    Caller: “God! You’re useless! Get me someone who knows what ‘Underway’ is!”

    (I hand the phone off to the manager, who goes through the same conversation.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, ‘Winter Sale Underway’ means that a winter sale is coming. ‘Underway’ isn’t a brand.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    (We still don’t know if the customer came for the sale.)

    Acting Out Of Line

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bigotry

    (I am at a chain clothing store at the mall with my younger brother. A Hispanic family is being rung up in front of us, in the only open line. Another customer goes to the other end of the counter where nobody is working.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange these shirts. I bought two XLs, and my girlfriend thinks they’re too big on me.”

    Cashier: “Okay, sir, I’ll be with you shortly.”

    Customer: “And I need to return these shoes. Can I return everything at the shoe department?”

    Cashier: “No, sir, they can only take care of shoes in that department.”

    (At this point the customer’s phone starts ringing, and he answers it. He starts moaning about his day to the person on the other end, occasionally burping and scratching himself.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m here right now, but I’m stuck waiting because of these d*** Puerto Ricans who are trying to get 10% off on a f****** $10 purchase.”

    (The teenage cashier finishes ringing up the family, and since my brother is next in line, the cashier starts ringing him up.)

    Customer: “Hey! Why aren’t you waiting on me?!”

    Younger Brother: “I don’t know if you noticed, but there’s a LINE.”

    Customer: “Well, I started a new line. I’ve got places to go. I’m a rolling stone.”

    (Yes, he actually says “rolling stone.” My brother finishes, and I’m next in line so the cashier starts ringing me up.)

    Customer: “Un-f******-believable!”

    Me: “You know what? Maybe if you weren’t such an impatient, loudmouth, racist, a**-hole and actually got in line, you might just actually get rung up!”

    (The customer throws his stuff across the counter, even the stuff he is returning, and storms off.)

    Cashier: “Sorry about that.”

    Younger Brother: “No worries. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

    Me: “I’m a retail manager myself, and I was actually quite impressed with how cool headed you stayed dealing with that guy. Very nicely done!”

    Related:
    In Line And Out Of Line

    Unfashionably Late

    | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

    (My store offers fashion shows. It’s the day before an event, and I’m making last minute arrangements when I get paged that someone is there to talk about the show.)

    Customer: “I’d like to schedule a fashion show with you guys to support my women’s club.”

    Me: “Of course! Let me explain to you quickly what we’ll do for you.”

    (I give her a quick rundown of the fashion show program, and what we offer, but she’s tapping her foot and looking at her watch.)

    Customer: “I’m REALLY in a rush here; can we hurry it up?”

    Me: “Sure! Tell you what, all the information you need is in this packet, and there’s the contracts I will need you to sign. Why don’t you return those to me when you’re able, and we’ll work out a date that isn’t taken?”

    Customer: “A date that isn’t taken? I need it NOW!”

    Me: “Now?”

    Customer: “The event starts in an hour; I just need you to bring the stuff.”

    Me: “Ma’am… I schedule fashion shows six months out.”

    Customer: “What? You mean that you won’t do it?”

    Me: “On this short notice? No.”

    Customer: “But I’ve been advertising this for months! We’ve sold over 100 tickets! We have themed the whole event around it!”

    Me: “Wait, so you printed invitations and got decorations, but didn’t talk to me until now?”

    Customer: “Oh, just grab your models! I don’t have time for this.”

    Me: “I don’t just keep the models in the back room!”

    Left A Stool In The Stall

    | Woodbridge, VA, USA | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in the changing room of a popular teen clothing-store.)

    Customer: “Where is your bathroom?”

    Me: “Oh, our bathroom is in the back. We can’t let you go back there. If you go out the store, and turn left, there is a restroom over by [sub shop].”

    Customer: “Can’t I just use it this once? Please?”

    Me: “No, I’m very sorry. But that restroom near [sub place] is really only a three-minute-walk from here.”

    Customer: “Why can’t I just use yours! I really need to go!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We have merchandise back there; I can’t let you use it.”

    Customer: “B****!”

    (She storms out of the store. I go on break for half an hour. When I come back, there is a horrific smell coming from the changing rooms. I go back there, and I see the customer standing outside one of our back stalls.)

    Customer: “Serves you right!”

    (She runs out of the store as I turn to look into the stall. She’d grabbed a bunch of clothes, thrown them on the floor, and urinated and defecated on them.)

    Me: “I’m not cleaning that up.”

    Coworker: “Teen girls be crazy!”

    Not Sue-ted To Shoplifting

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

    (I spot a young woman looking shiftily around, obviously checking to make sure no associates are watching her. I step up behind her as quietly as I can; she hasn’t spotted me yet. She starts putting a couple stacks of shirts into her bag.)

    Me: “Ah-HEM!”

    (She freezes, and slowly turns around.)

    Woman: “I was just—”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Woman: “I really need—”

    Me: “Mm-hmm?”

    (She sheepishly puts the stack of shirts back onto the table, and starts to walk towards the exit.)

    Me:All of it please, ma’am.”

    (She scowls like a little kid, stomping over and throwing the last shirt in her bag at me.)

    Woman: “I’ll sue you all!” *stomps out*

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