(I am helping a man and his 9 year old daughter.)

Customer: “So, how long do I have to return this?”

Me: “You have 45 days sir. The date is on the bottom of the receipt. Here, it says October 19th is the last day for returns. Today is September 4th.”

Customer: “October 19th? So I only have a week to return this?”

Me: “Um–”

Daughter: “Dad, stop thinking out loud. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

Customer: “Where is the escalator?”

Me: “Go down this aisle and turn left. It’ll be right there.

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Down this aisle, to the left.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Let me show you.”

(I walk her over to about five feet from the escalator and point at it.)

Me: “It’s right here, ma’am.”

Customer: “Where is the escalator?”

(I move to stand almost on it.)

Me: “Right here.”

Customer: “This is the escalator?”

Me: “Yes”

Customer: “Oh, thank you! You are so pretty.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [store] uniforms. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I have a couple of questions. First off, do you guys sell uniforms?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “Okay, great, now my second question is, are you guys open?”

Me: “Yes, we are open all week.”

Caller: “So, you’re closed on Sundays?”

Me: “No, we are open all 7 days.”

Caller: “But you just said you’re open all week.”

Me: “Yes, hence the seven days.”

Caller: “Hey, don’t get smart with me! There are only 5 days in the week and 2 days in the weekend!”

Me: *confused* “No, there are 7 days in a week and we are open all seven days.”

Caller: “I want to speak to your manager now!”

Me: “Okay, please hold and I’ll transfer you.”

Manager: “Hello, [manager] speaking, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Do you people just hire the most stupid people on the planet?”

(A customer sneezes.)

Me: “Bless you.”

Customer: “You wouldn’t bless me if you knew what I’ve done.”

(A customer comes up to customer services.)

Customer: “I’d like to return these shoes.”

Me: “Okay, then.”

(I wait expectantly, but the customer does nothing.)

Me: “Where are they?”

Customer: “I’m still wearing them.”