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    Unfashionably Late

    | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

    (My store offers fashion shows. It’s the day before an event, and I’m making last minute arrangements when I get paged that someone is there to talk about the show.)

    Customer: “I’d like to schedule a fashion show with you guys to support my women’s club.”

    Me: “Of course! Let me explain to you quickly what we’ll do for you.”

    (I give her a quick rundown of the fashion show program, and what we offer, but she’s tapping her foot and looking at her watch.)

    Customer: “I’m REALLY in a rush here; can we hurry it up?”

    Me: “Sure! Tell you what, all the information you need is in this packet, and there’s the contracts I will need you to sign. Why don’t you return those to me when you’re able, and we’ll work out a date that isn’t taken?”

    Customer: “A date that isn’t taken? I need it NOW!”

    Me: “Now?”

    Customer: “The event starts in an hour; I just need you to bring the stuff.”

    Me: “Ma’am… I schedule fashion shows six months out.”

    Customer: “What? You mean that you won’t do it?”

    Me: “On this short notice? No.”

    Customer: “But I’ve been advertising this for months! We’ve sold over 100 tickets! We have themed the whole event around it!”

    Me: “Wait, so you printed invitations and got decorations, but didn’t talk to me until now?”

    Customer: “Oh, just grab your models! I don’t have time for this.”

    Me: “I don’t just keep the models in the back room!”

    Left A Stool In The Stall

    | Woodbridge, VA, USA | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in the changing room of a popular teen clothing-store.)

    Customer: “Where is your bathroom?”

    Me: “Oh, our bathroom is in the back. We can’t let you go back there. If you go out the store, and turn left, there is a restroom over by [sub shop].”

    Customer: “Can’t I just use it this once? Please?”

    Me: “No, I’m very sorry. But that restroom near [sub place] is really only a three-minute-walk from here.”

    Customer: “Why can’t I just use yours! I really need to go!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We have merchandise back there; I can’t let you use it.”

    Customer: “B****!”

    (She storms out of the store. I go on break for half an hour. When I come back, there is a horrific smell coming from the changing rooms. I go back there, and I see the customer standing outside one of our back stalls.)

    Customer: “Serves you right!”

    (She runs out of the store as I turn to look into the stall. She’d grabbed a bunch of clothes, thrown them on the floor, and urinated and defecated on them.)

    Me: “I’m not cleaning that up.”

    Coworker: “Teen girls be crazy!”

    Not Sue-ted To Shoplifting

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

    (I spot a young woman looking shiftily around, obviously checking to make sure no associates are watching her. I step up behind her as quietly as I can; she hasn’t spotted me yet. She starts putting a couple stacks of shirts into her bag.)

    Me: “Ah-HEM!”

    (She freezes, and slowly turns around.)

    Woman: “I was just—”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Woman: “I really need—”

    Me: “Mm-hmm?”

    (She sheepishly puts the stack of shirts back onto the table, and starts to walk towards the exit.)

    Me:All of it please, ma’am.”

    (She scowls like a little kid, stomping over and throwing the last shirt in her bag at me.)

    Woman: “I’ll sue you all!” *stomps out*

    She Nose What You’re Planning

    | UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am supervising the changing rooms. A woman calls out from a locked cubicle.)

    Woman: “Excuse me! My daughter’s having a nosebleed in here; could you get me a tissue?”

    Me: “I don’t have one on me, I’m afraid. Wait a moment; I’ll see if my colleague can bring you one.”

    (I call out and wave to my colleague, but she’s busy and doesn’t see me.)

    Woman: “Excuse me! I need one now! It’s your job to help me, so do your job and go get me a tissue!”

    Me: “I’m not allowed to leave the changing rooms unattended. I’m trying to get one for you; just one moment…”

    Woman: “That’s not good enough! I need one now! Do your job!”

    (An older lady in another cubicle starts speaking loudly.)

    Older Lady: “It’s not her job to look after your daughter. She clearly doesn’t have any tissue, so just go to the toilets yourself. She obviously can’t leave the room while there are people in here; for all she knows, you could be a shoplifter who’s just trying to distract her!”

    (A few seconds later, the angry woman emerges from her cubicle. She throws all the clothes she was trying on at me, then storms out of the shop with her suspiciously blood-free daughter. I thank the older lady when she comes out, and congratulate her on being so worldly-wise!)

    One Size Fits All

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Awesome Workers, Top

    (A man comes to the counter and places two dresses on the counter: one sized XS and one sized XXL.)

    Me: “Are these dresses both for the same woman?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. These are both very different sizes, so they are not likely to fit the same person. What size does she usually take?”

    Customer: “Um… I’m not sure.”

    Manager: “Well, does she look more like me or more like her?”

    (Note: my manager is quite small, and I am quite big.)

    Customer: “Um… uh… I’m sure these will be fine.”

    Me: “Sir, because the price is marked down on these dresses they will be Final Sale, so you will not be able to return them if they are not the right size. Are you sure we can’t help you?”

    (The customer looks around furtively, then leans in close so that only my manager and I can hear what he is saying.)

    Customer: “These dresses are for me, actually.”

    (My manager looks at me, and I at her, and then she turns to the customer and speaks a very matter of fact voice.)

    Manager: “Why don’t you go try them on, then?”

    Customer: “Really? Would that be okay with you?”

    Manager: “Of course! Let me get you started with a fitting room.”

    (I spend the next hour bringing this man dresses to try on and he had a lovely time! He introduced himself to me and thanked us profusely for being so understanding and helpful. He left with four dresses, all of which fit him to a tee, and he came back regularly after that.)

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