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    Got Him On Collar ID

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Caller: “Hello, I bought a shirt in your store earlier today and the sign said $12 but I was charged $17. I’d like to return it.”

    Me: “Oh goodness, I’m so sorry that happened to you! You can just come in and I’ll be more than happy to help you return that and make it right.”

    Caller: “I’d like to return it over the phone, though.”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t return a shirt without the shirt itself.”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “…”

    Caller: “Why not?”

    Providing Extra Service

    | New York, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at a cash register at a fairly popular clothing store. A customer walks up to me with a t-shirt in hand.)

    Customer: “Do you have this in size extra-medium?”

    Me: *stares blankly* “An extra-medium?”

    Customer: “Yeah. The medium just doesn’t fit.”

    Me: “Is it too big?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Is it too small?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then what’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “It’s not medium enough.”

    Me: “I’ll see what I can do about that.”

    (I take the shirt into the back room and take out a sharpie. I carefully draw an ‘X’ in front of the ‘M’ on the tag of the shirt. I then return and hand the shirt to the customer. He checks the tag, then goes and tries it on in the fitting room. I see him again at the checkout counter.)

    Me: “Were you happy with your shirt?”

    Customer: “Yeah. That extra-medium fits so much better than the medium!”

    The Generation Size Gap

    | Hampshire, England, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I’m standing near the front of the store, greeting customers as they come in. An elderly gentleman enters with a walking stick.)

    Me: “Hello.” *smiling*

    Customer: *suddenly frowning* “GOOD GOD! GOOD GOD!”

    Me: “Are you okay?”

    Customer: “GOOD GOD!” *raises stick and pokes me in the stomach with it* “Would you look at that?! You could live for years! Forever in that body!”

    Me: “Erm, thanks?!”

    Customer: “No! I mean you must be one of those genetic throwbacks! You don’t get trim girls anymore. Girls these days are FAT FAT FAT! I bet you could even run if you needed to!”

    Me: “Sometimes I run; I mostly just eat healthy really.”

    Customer: “GOOD GOD! I must go and get Marjorie from the CD shop and show you to her! GOOD GOD!”

    (He turns and leaves, but never does return. Not even with Marjorie.)

    No Paws For Thought, Part 2

    | NC, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am disabled and have a service dog that assists me. My disability isn’t physical, so sometimes people stop me to try and figure out what my service dog is for. He is completely trained and certified. I am shopping when another customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Oh, are you training that service dog? How kind of you!”

    Me: “Actually, he’s my service dog. He’s completely trained.”

    Customer: “But you aren’t blind!”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “How DARE you take a service dog away from a blind person? You ought to be ashamed!”

    Me: “Ma’am, not all disabilities are visible. Plenty of people who aren’t blind have service dogs. He’s not trained to assist the blind.”

    Customer: “You’re just faking it! He’s just a pet and you’re lying! Give me that!”

    (At this point, the customer grabs for my service dog’s leash. The leash is looped around my chest and shoulders like a purse, so this does not go well. An employee of this store sees the altercation happen, and comes running over.)

    Employee: “Ma’am! Let go of the dog!”

    Customer: “No! This girl is lying! He’s not a real service dog and she’s not blind!”

    Me: “Let go! This is assault!”

    Customer: *pushes down on my service dog’s behind* “Sit! Sit! Bad dog!”

    (At this point, I physically yank away from her and give my service dog the signal to tuck in behind me. The lady grabs him by the tail and he yelps.)

    Customer: “See?! See?!”

    (The employee keeps trying to get the customer to leave me alone, but she starts to grab at any part of us she can get to. The security officers show up and haul the screaming customer away. As they drag her out of the store, she is still yelling about me being a liar.)

    Employee: “Oh, my God! I am so sorry! I have never seen anyone so crazy!”

    Related:
    No Paws For Thought

    Way Out Of Line

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a high end clothing store that’s having a massive sale. Even with all five checkouts open, the line of customers is still nearly 30 people long. I’m working on restocking some shirts when I see a pair of young girl customers cut to the front of the line directly in front of another customer.)

    Customer: “Ladies, I’m sorry, but there is a line.”

    Girl #1: “Man, why do you care if we cut? It’s just one purchase; you can stand to wait a few more minutes.”

    Customer: “That wouldn’t be fair to the people behind me. Please go to the back of the line.”

    Girl #2: “F*** you! You little punk-a**! If my girl wants to cut in front of you, then you can’t stop her.”

    (Sighing, the customer calls to one of my coworkers.)

    Customer: “Can you please escort these ladies to the back of the line?”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, ladies, but you do have to move to the back, and I’m going to have to ask you to tone down your language.”

    Girl #1: “Man, f*** this! This b****-a** just don’t want to help me.”

    (Both of them turn back to the customer.)

    Girl #1: “This is all your fault you gay mother-f*****!”

    (At this, both girls swing at the customer, punching him in the face and neck.)

    Customer: *wincing* “Well, that would probably count as battery, and maybe even assault. Are there any more crimes you want to commit before you get kicked out?”

    Girl #2: “Oh, big f****** man, hiding behind some b****-a** cops because you’re scared to fight.”

    (Girl #2 punches the customer in the face again, only to be sent flying about five feet from a single palm thrust to the stomach from the man. The two girls end up calling the police to report the customer for attacking them. Unfortunately for them, our store cameras are quite good, and pick up the entire preceding conversation and their initial assault. The police officer even offers to arrest the girls for attacking the customer. Luckily for them, he decides it is too much trouble dealing with them.)

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