Speak For Yourself, Part 2

, | Chicago, IL, USA |

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, do you carry [garbled]? It’s a spice.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, this is a retail clothing store.”

Caller: “So, you don’t have it?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, you may have dialed the wrong number.”

Caller: “I did NOT dial wrong. ¬†I looked you up in the phone book and this IS the right number, so just tell me if you have it!”

Me: “We do not.”

Caller: “What spices do you carry?”

Me: “We don’t carry spices. We only carry women’s clothing.”

Caller: “YOU SHOULD LEARN HOW TO READ A PHONE BOOK!” *hangs up*

Related:
Speak For Yourself

How Cute, You Learned A New Vocab

, | Upstate New York, USA |

Customer: “I want this particular size in this particular style of jeans.”

Me: “Well, I don’t see your size out here, so let me check the back.”

(I go to check the stock room, even though I know we’re out.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re all out.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You heard me; you’re persecuting me.”

Me: “… I can check with the store across town to see if they have what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(The store across town has a pair of the jeans in question. I ask the customer if she wants to go pick them up; the store will have them on hold for her.)

Customer: “You mean I have to drive all the way across town?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “Well, if you can wait until tomorrow afternoon, we can have the other store ship them and you can pick them up here.”

Customer: “So, you want me to wait an extra day and make an extra trip back here for a pair of jeans.”

Me: “Or drive across town for them today, yes.”

Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

Me: “…”

How To Lose Your Marbles In Style

, | Florida, USA | Top

(Our store used to have a completely gutted 1957 Chevy truck as a center piece. It was part of the store’s trademark. Walking down the store past the truck, I am stopped by an old man.)

Me: “Sir?”

Old Man: “Young lady, how much are you selling this truck for?”

Me: “Sorry sir, the truck isn’t for sale. It’s owned by [company].”

Old Man: “I’ll give you 100 dollars for it.”

Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. I apologize.”

Old Man: “All right…I’ll give you two hundred!”

Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. And even if it was, it would be for a LOT more than 200 dollars.”

Old Man: “Yes, I suppose you’re right… SAY! SOMEONE STEALING, LOOK!” *points behind me*

(As I turn to look behind me, the man climbs the crates next to the truck, opens the driver’s seat door and gets behind the wheel.)

Old Man: “WHOOOOOOOOO-HAW! CAN’T CATCH ME NOW, CAN YOU!” *swings steering wheel around and starts to make gun noises* “PEW PEW! PEWW PEW!”

(Mall Security ended up being called, after the old man was “trying” to run us over. I wish I was joking.)

Some Questions Should Never Be Asked, Part 2

, | Riverhead, NY, USA |

(A customer approaches one of my cashiers holding two children’s t-shirts with identical logos one boys and one girls. We were having a liquidation sale and all boys’ clothing was 40% off while girls’ clothing was 50% off.)

Customer: “What’s the discount on these?”

Cashier: “One is 40% off and the other is 50% off.”

Customer: “Why are they different?”

Cashier: “One is girls and one is boys.”

Customer: “I don’t understand… what’s the difference between girls and boys?”

Cashier: *without even skipping a beat* “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.”

(Cue the entire checkout line laughing.)

Related:
Some Questions Should Never Be Asked

Fine, We’ll Just Shout And Yell

, | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

Customer: “I think it’s very rude for you to talk on your cellphone while you’re at work.”

Me: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a cellphone; it’s a headset. We use them to communicate with the other employees.”

Customer: “That’s VERY rude.”

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