Make Sure The Crime Is Worth The Time

, | Mystic, CT, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “That’ll be $129.00.”

Customer: *hands me credit card*

Me: “And can I just see some ID with that please?”

Customer: *hands me ID*

Customer’s husband: “This just goes to show you that if you want to steal someone’s charge card, you’d better steal their ID, too!”

Customer: “Yeah, but they wouldn’t look like the ID.”

Customer’s husband: “Well, you could surgically alter your face to look like theirs.”

Me: “That seems like an awful lot of effort to get a couple of sweatshirts.”

Customer: “I know, at least do it and get some electronics or something!”

Ah, Grandmothers

, | Ohio, USA | Uncategorized

(I was working in the fitting room and overheard an obviously frustrated grandmother and her 7 year old granddaughter yelling at each other.)

Grandmother: “Put on your d*** pants!”

Girl: “No! I don’t want to!”

Grandmother: “1…2…3…”

Girl: “Nooooo! I hate you!”

Grandmother: “Well, I hate you too, so we’re even!”

Related:
Ah, Mothers
Ah, Fathers
Ah, Fathers, Part 2

Speak For Yourself, Part 3

, | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes, may I help you?”

Customer:“What is this?”

Me: “A t-shirt.”

Customer: “Who’s the d*** picture of?”

Me: “That’s Grizzly Adams, sir.”

Customer: “No, it’s Charles Manson! How can you sell this in your shop? It’s disgusting!”

Me: “It’s not my shop.”

Customer: “You work here, why don’t you find a real job that doesn’t promote murderers and killing!”

(The customer hands me a card: “Bill ***, Army Recruiter.”)

Related:
Speak For Yourself, Part 2
Speak For Yourself

DIY Sales

, | New York City, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(A woman comes up to the counter where I am manning the register. She has her teenaged daughter in tow.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, we’re just going to get this dress for my daughter. She’s going to her homecoming dance. She finally has a date. For a while we thought she was a lesbian, but then–”

Customer’s daughter: “MOM! ”

Me: “Right then. That’ll be $56.99.”

Customer: “What?! That sign said it was 50% off!”

Me: “Er, I don’t think so. Let me check the system… Sorry, ma’am, our system says it’s full price.”

Customer: “That’s crazy! I saw it with my own eyes!” *walks off*

(I wait on several more customers before the woman comes back, holding a sign that says 50% off, obviously handmade with a marker and a piece of paper.)

Customer: “See? I told you so.”

Me: “Ma’am, where did you get that sign?”

Customer: “I just got it off the rack.”

Me: “Ma’am, those signs are welded to the rack. It’s apparent you just made that.”

Customer: “I’m going to sue you for false advertising!”

Me: “And we’ll sue you for trying to screw us over.”

Customer’s daughter: “Mom, just stop.”

Customer: “We’re leaving!”

A Match Made In Size 7

, | Toronto, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers

(A couple walk in, the lady in front, the man trailing tiredly behind. The lady spins around the store.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

Lady: “I need these pants in size 0, pronto.”

Me: “Who are you getting them for?”

Lady: “MYSELF! What do you think!”

(I get her what she wants, she takes them and goes into a change room.)

Lady: “HEY, these are defective! Get me another pair!”

Me: “May I suggest a bigger size?”

Lady: “Are you saying I look fat? That I can’t fit into these pants?! I’ll have you know, I always wear size 0… these pants must be made wrong! Now get me another pair!”

Man: “Honey, those are really small pants, just try a slightly bigger one.”

(Without a pause, she turns around and slaps the man.)

Lady: “Why can’t you just be on my side! That was so rude! You’re sleeping on the couch tonight!”

Man: “We don’t live together.”

Lady: “What do you mean! We moved in last week… remember?”

Man: “No… we don’t live together.”

(The lady realizes he’s not caving. She flicks a look at me, then tries a different route.)

Lady: “Well, I mean, you’re still sleeping on the couch in your own apartment! To show remorse for disrespecting me. Or else!”

Man: “Or else what?”

Lady: “Or else I’m dumping you!”

Man: “… Okay.”

Lady: “You just–you just like HER, don’t–” *walks out fast, sobbing*

(The man stayed behind and apologized to me. My shift was ending so we went for dinner, and long story short he’s now my fiance! Couldn’t ask for a better man, and I’ve got to thank that lady someday for making it all possible…)

Page 20/24First...1819202122...Last