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    How To Lose Your Marbles In Style

    , | Florida, USA | Top

    (Our store used to have a completely gutted 1957 Chevy truck as a center piece. It was part of the store’s trademark. Walking down the store past the truck, I am stopped by an old man.)

    Me: “Sir?”

    Old Man: “Young lady, how much are you selling this truck for?”

    Me: “Sorry sir, the truck isn’t for sale. It’s owned by [company].”

    Old Man: “I’ll give you 100 dollars for it.”

    Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. I apologize.”

    Old Man: “All right…I’ll give you two hundred!”

    Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. And even if it was, it would be for a LOT more than 200 dollars.”

    Old Man: “Yes, I suppose you’re right… SAY! SOMEONE STEALING, LOOK!” *points behind me*

    (As I turn to look behind me, the man climbs the crates next to the truck, opens the driver’s seat door and gets behind the wheel.)

    Old Man: “WHOOOOOOOOO-HAW! CAN’T CATCH ME NOW, CAN YOU!” *swings steering wheel around and starts to make gun noises* “PEW PEW! PEWW PEW!”

    (Mall Security ended up being called, after the old man was “trying” to run us over. I wish I was joking.)

    Some Questions Should Never Be Asked, Part 2

    , | Riverhead, NY, USA |

    (A customer approaches one of my cashiers holding two children’s t-shirts with identical logos one boys and one girls. We were having a liquidation sale and all boys’ clothing was 40% off while girls’ clothing was 50% off.)

    Customer: “What’s the discount on these?”

    Cashier: “One is 40% off and the other is 50% off.”

    Customer: “Why are they different?”

    Cashier: “One is girls and one is boys.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand… what’s the difference between girls and boys?”

    Cashier: *without even skipping a beat* “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.”

    (Cue the entire checkout line laughing.)

    Related:
    Some Questions Should Never Be Asked

    Fine, We’ll Just Shout And Yell

    , | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “I think it’s very rude for you to talk on your cellphone while you’re at work.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a cellphone; it’s a headset. We use them to communicate with the other employees.”

    Customer: “That’s VERY rude.”

    Shortest. Honeymoon. Ever.

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (A woman approaches me at the cash desk and pulls out a pair of underwear to return.)

    Woman: “I’d like to return this.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but we cannot accept returns on intimate apparel.”

    Woman: “Why not? I haven’t worn it.”

    Me: “It’s against our company policy for health reasons.”

    Woman: “Well this is ridiculous! I bought these to wear on my honeymoon and I didn’t end up wearing them, so now they’re useless!”

    (The woman storms out of store, leaving the underwear on the counter.)

    Me: *wonders just what happened on the honeymoon*

    At Least She’s Being Honest

    , | Hanover, MD, USA |

    (A lady comes in with a bag of shirts.)

    Lady: “I need to return these.”

    Me: “Sorry we can’t take those back, they’re opened…”

    Lady: “Why the hell not!?”

    Me: “You can only return the shirts if they’re unopened. It’s the store policy.”

    Lady: “Bulls**t, you’re trying to rip me off! You’re suppose to take these back–they don’t fit my husband!”

    Me: “If you read the policy you would know you couldn’t bring them back, ma’am.”

    Lady: “What store policy?!”

    (I point to the store policy above and behind me on a red sign in big white letters. The lady snatches the bag of shirts and starts stomping off. My manager, who was watching the whole time, finally says something.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry ma’am, next time you should read the policy–”

    Lady: *cuts off my manager* “I DON’T F**KING READ!!”

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