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    How Cute, You Learned A New Vocab

    , | Upstate New York, USA |

    Customer: “I want this particular size in this particular style of jeans.”

    Me: “Well, I don’t see your size out here, so let me check the back.”

    (I go to check the stock room, even though I know we’re out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re all out.”

    Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You heard me; you’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “… I can check with the store across town to see if they have what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The store across town has a pair of the jeans in question. I ask the customer if she wants to go pick them up; the store will have them on hold for her.)

    Customer: “You mean I have to drive all the way across town?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “Well, if you can wait until tomorrow afternoon, we can have the other store ship them and you can pick them up here.”

    Customer: “So, you want me to wait an extra day and make an extra trip back here for a pair of jeans.”

    Me: “Or drive across town for them today, yes.”

    Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “…”

    How To Lose Your Marbles In Style

    , | Florida, USA | Top

    (Our store used to have a completely gutted 1957 Chevy truck as a center piece. It was part of the store’s trademark. Walking down the store past the truck, I am stopped by an old man.)

    Me: “Sir?”

    Old Man: “Young lady, how much are you selling this truck for?”

    Me: “Sorry sir, the truck isn’t for sale. It’s owned by [company].”

    Old Man: “I’ll give you 100 dollars for it.”

    Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. I apologize.”

    Old Man: “All right…I’ll give you two hundred!”

    Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. And even if it was, it would be for a LOT more than 200 dollars.”

    Old Man: “Yes, I suppose you’re right… SAY! SOMEONE STEALING, LOOK!” *points behind me*

    (As I turn to look behind me, the man climbs the crates next to the truck, opens the driver’s seat door and gets behind the wheel.)

    Old Man: “WHOOOOOOOOO-HAW! CAN’T CATCH ME NOW, CAN YOU!” *swings steering wheel around and starts to make gun noises* “PEW PEW! PEWW PEW!”

    (Mall Security ended up being called, after the old man was “trying” to run us over. I wish I was joking.)

    Some Questions Should Never Be Asked, Part 2

    , | Riverhead, NY, USA |

    (A customer approaches one of my cashiers holding two children’s t-shirts with identical logos one boys and one girls. We were having a liquidation sale and all boys’ clothing was 40% off while girls’ clothing was 50% off.)

    Customer: “What’s the discount on these?”

    Cashier: “One is 40% off and the other is 50% off.”

    Customer: “Why are they different?”

    Cashier: “One is girls and one is boys.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand… what’s the difference between girls and boys?”

    Cashier: *without even skipping a beat* “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.”

    (Cue the entire checkout line laughing.)

    Related:
    Some Questions Should Never Be Asked

    Fine, We’ll Just Shout And Yell

    , | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “I think it’s very rude for you to talk on your cellphone while you’re at work.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a cellphone; it’s a headset. We use them to communicate with the other employees.”

    Customer: “That’s VERY rude.”

    Shortest. Honeymoon. Ever.

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (A woman approaches me at the cash desk and pulls out a pair of underwear to return.)

    Woman: “I’d like to return this.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but we cannot accept returns on intimate apparel.”

    Woman: “Why not? I haven’t worn it.”

    Me: “It’s against our company policy for health reasons.”

    Woman: “Well this is ridiculous! I bought these to wear on my honeymoon and I didn’t end up wearing them, so now they’re useless!”

    (The woman storms out of store, leaving the underwear on the counter.)

    Me: *wonders just what happened on the honeymoon*

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