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    A Match Made In Size 7

    , | Toronto, ON, Canada | Awesome Customers

    (A couple walk in, the lady in front, the man trailing tiredly behind. The lady spins around the store.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

    Lady: “I need these pants in size 0, pronto.”

    Me: “Who are you getting them for?”

    Lady: “MYSELF! What do you think!”

    (I get her what she wants, she takes them and goes into a change room.)

    Lady: “HEY, these are defective! Get me another pair!”

    Me: “May I suggest a bigger size?”

    Lady: “Are you saying I look fat? That I can’t fit into these pants?! I’ll have you know, I always wear size 0… these pants must be made wrong! Now get me another pair!”

    Man: “Honey, those are really small pants, just try a slightly bigger one.”

    (Without a pause, she turns around and slaps the man.)

    Lady: “Why can’t you just be on my side! That was so rude! You’re sleeping on the couch tonight!”

    Man: “We don’t live together.”

    Lady: “What do you mean! We moved in last week… remember?”

    Man: “No… we don’t live together.”

    (The lady realizes he’s not caving. She flicks a look at me, then tries a different route.)

    Lady: “Well, I mean, you’re still sleeping on the couch in your own apartment! To show remorse for disrespecting me. Or else!”

    Man: “Or else what?”

    Lady: “Or else I’m dumping you!”

    Man: “… Okay.”

    Lady: “You just–you just like HER, don’t–” *walks out fast, sobbing*

    (The man stayed behind and apologized to me. My shift was ending so we went for dinner, and long story short he’s now my fiance! Couldn’t ask for a better man, and I’ve got to thank that lady someday for making it all possible…)

    You’re Just Compounding The Issue

    , | Kitchener, Ontario, Canada |

    (A customer had purchased a few items and was double-checking her receipt after the transaction went through. She had a membership card at the store, so she got a 10% discount.)

    Customer: “So I got my discount on this?”

    Me: “Yep, see there on each item it says ‘Member 10%’, and it shows what you saved.”

    Customer: “Wait…is it 10% off each item, or 10% off the total?”

    Me: “10% off the total. Well, it works out the same either way.”

    Customer: “I thought it was supposed to be 10% off each item. I should be getting a bigger discount on the total.”

    Me: “No, you got your discount! 10% off each item adds up to the same amount as 10% off the total.”

    Customer: “No, I got 10% off the first item. Then 10% off the second item, so that’s 20%. And 10% off the third item; that’s 30%!”

    Me: *pause* “No, that’s…that’s not how percentages work… I can show you on a calculator; it works out the same. You are getting the right discount.”

    Customer: “No, it’s all right. But I know I won’t be getting this card again. I was told I was going to be getting a 10% discount on each item, and this really isn’t fair.”

    (Maybe I should have mentioned to her that I’m a math major…)

    If That Doesn’t Work, Try Hogwarts

    , | Manchester, UK |

    Customer: “Oi you! I need a coat and it’s not here!”

    Me: “Certainly miss, do you have the catalogue number?”

    Customer: “No! I’ve told you it’s not here!”

    Me: “Okay, describe it.”

    Customer: “I want one that will keep me dry and warm in winter, but cool in summer.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t stock magic coats.”

    Customer: “Well, where could I f***ing find one like it?!”

    Me: “… Narnia?”

    Pantzilla Gets Schooled

    , | Columbus, OH, USA |

    (At the clothing store where I work, I’ve spent hours folding and sizing jeans into a wall display. A customer comes up starts to look for her size.)

    Me: “Hi there! How are you today? My name is ***. Can I help you find the size or style of jeans you are looking for today?”

    Customer: “No, I’m just looking… thanks.”

    Me: “Alright. Well, you just let me know if you need any help.”

    (As I go back to folding jeans, she pulls out a pile I’ve already fixed, proceeds to destroy it and shoves it back in the wall.)

    Me: “Are you sure I can’t help you find what you are looking for?”

    Customer: “Nah, I’m alright.”

    (She destroys pile number #2.)

    Me: *wincing* “I might be able to help you find the size you are looking for a little faster…”

    Customer: “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

    (She destroys pile number #3.)

    Me: “Ma’am, please let me help you since I know where everything is.”

    Customer: “I said I was okay! Don’t you people have better things to do than bug your shoppers?! I don’t need your help!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m going to help you anyway. I’ve spent nearly six hours refolding and fixing this wall because customers like you come in and ruin it with no regard to the people who have to clean up your mess. Since we size things with the smallest size at the top and the largest size at the bottom, I suggest that you look somewhere near the bottom pile for your jeans!”

    Customer: *jaw drops* “ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!”

    Me: “No, I’m implying it.”

    Customer: “WELL I NEVER!” *storms out*

    (I got written up, but it was totally worth it!)

    Speak For Yourself, Part 2

    , | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, do you carry [garbled]? It’s a spice.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, this is a retail clothing store.”

    Caller: “So, you don’t have it?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, you may have dialed the wrong number.”

    Caller: “I did NOT dial wrong. ¬†I looked you up in the phone book and this IS the right number, so just tell me if you have it!”

    Me: “We do not.”

    Caller: “What spices do you carry?”

    Me: “We don’t carry spices. We only carry women’s clothing.”

    Caller: “YOU SHOULD LEARN HOW TO READ A PHONE BOOK!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    Speak For Yourself

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