Fat Chance Of A Reasonable Customer

| Glendale, CA, USA | Top

Customer: “I’m looking for pants for my daughter.”

Me: “Okay, what size is your daughter?”

Customer: “She’s fat like you.”

Me: “Okay, so I’m a medium. Does your daughter wear mediums?”

Customer: “No. She’s fat like you. She needs fat pants.”

Me: “So would a large be okay?”

Customer: “Fat pants. Large is too small.”

Me: “Large is the biggest size we have.”

Customer: “Give me your pants then.”

Howard Hughes Goes Shopping, Part 2

| Clovis, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to know if these clothes will fit.”

Me: “Sure, our fitting room is right over there.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to try them on. I want to know if they will fit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unless you try them on, I can’t say if they will fit or not.”

Customer: “I do not try on clothes in store because they have other people’s cells in them. I do not want to touch other people’s cells. My neighbor had diseases and I burned his house down, and the guy at the 7-11 is sick so I don’t go in there no more!”

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Howard Hughes Goes Shopping

Olfactional Hazards

, | Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to me with a knitted poncho.)

Customer: “Excuse me, is this 100% wool?”

Me: “No, it’s 100% acrylic.”

Customer: “Are you sure? It feels like wool.”

Me: “It does, but it is acrylic. I saw the tag before it came off.”

Customer: “But it feels so much like the scarf I’m wearing right now, and that one is 100% wool. It even smells like wool. Smell it!”

Me: “Um, my nose isn’t good enough to distinguish between wool and acrylic. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “No, smell it! Then, smell my scarf.” *sniffs both the poncho and scarf* “See, they smell the same.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll take your word for it.”

Customer: “No, smell my scarf. Smell it!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “SMELL MY SCARF!”

Truly Fake Intentions

, | Waterford, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer and his wife come in to find an outfit for her to wear. He seems particularly interested in one that’s being worn by a mannequin.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you have the outfit on the mannequin?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I sold the last one earlier today. The one the mannequin is wearing is the only one I have.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t you just give me that one then?”

Me: “I can, but I do have another almost identical outfit in stock.”

Customer: “No, I want that one!”

Me: “Okay, sir.”

(I start dragging the mannequin to the back.)

Customer: “Where are you going?”

Me: “City law says I can’t undress her in front of the windows, sir.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t I have that one?”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I want the one on the mannequin!”

Me: “That’s what I’m doing sir.”

Customer: “I WANT THE ONE ON THE MANNEQUIN!”

(His wife suddenly appears from another part of the store.)

Customer’s wife: “He just wants to see the mannequin naked.”

Gastronomically Priced Apparel

, | Columbia, MD, USA | Uncategorized

(While working at a well-known clothing store, a customer walks up to my cash register empty handed.)

Me: “Did you find everything you needed today?”

Customer: “I’ve been in here for fifteen minutes and nobody gave me a table yet.”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “Yeah. I’ve been here for fifteen minutes and nobody sat me down.”

Me: “We have a couch over by the fitting rooms if you’d like to have a seat.”

Customer: “You don’t have any tables? What about booths?”

Me: “Um…we don’t have anything like that here.”

Customer: “Is this a new type of restaurant or something?”

Me: “No, this is a clothing store; we sell clothes. That’s why we have lots of clothing here and no kitchen.”

Customer: “Oh…why didn’t anybody tell me?”

Me: “Did you ask someone?”

Customer: “No!” *storms out of the store*

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