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    A Time To Laugh, But Mostly A Time To Cry

    , | United Kingdom |

    (A woman and her three year old daughter leave the changing room and approach my counter. She looks to be flustered and in a hurry.)

    Me: “Hi there, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Just this, please.” *hands me her items*

    Me: “That’s £49.96, please.”

    (The woman frantically searches her bag for her purse and almost turfs the contents out onto the floor.)

    Customer: “I can’t find my purse.”

    Me: “It’s okay, take your time. Perhaps you left it in the changing room?”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t leave anything in there! Here it is.”

    (She hands me her credit card, I complete the transaction and hand her her purchases.)

    Me: “Here you go. Thank you for visiting today.”

    Customer: *nervous smile* “Thank you.”

    (The woman walks away hastily. Just before she gets to the shop door, her daughter speaks up.)

    Customer’s daughter: “But mummy, we did leave something in the changing room!”

    Customer: *starts walking quicker* “Shhh!”

    Customer’s daughter: *triumphantly* “We left my poo in there!”

    (The woman grabs the child by the hand and runs out of the shop. My colleague and I run over to the changing room to see for ourselves. Sure enough, in the corner of one of the changing rooms, there is a small pile of poo. We didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.)

    Desperate Times Call For Half-Hearted Measures

    , | Canada |

    Me: “Three items? Here’s your fitting room, let me know if you need a hand.”

    (The customer goes in, stands there for five minutes and searches the fitting room.)

    Customer: “There’s no mirror.”

    Me: “Nope, but as you can see there’s a mirror right outside.”

    Customer: “That won’t do. Can I have the handicap room, please?” (The handicap room is a larger room with a bench and mirrors.)

    Me: “I’m sorry…that’s reserved for customers with wheelchairs and strollers.”

    Customer: “But I want it.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s a store policy…obviously someone with a stroller or a wheelchair can’t fit in a normal fitting room, so we have to keep that one free.”

    (The customer lifts one arm, laden with jeans and shopping bags. She waves it around, and points to it with her other arm.)

    Customer: “…but, my arm is broken!”

    This Barter Be A Good Deal

    , | Pennsylvania, USA |

    Me: “OK, so this suit will be $500.”

    Customer: “Oh wow – that’s way too much. Can you take the price down?”

    Me: “No sir, I can’t do anything about the price.”

    Customer: “Well…how about I give you my watch?”

    Me: “…are you serious? I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “How about my watch?”

    Me: “All right. You give me your watch, two of your daughters, a goat and a chicken, and the suit is yours.”

    Customer: “OK, deal!”

    (The customer walked out of the store. He never came back.)

    Make Sure The Crime Is Worth The Time

    , | Mystic, CT, USA |

    Me: “That’ll be $129.00.”

    Customer: *hands me credit card*

    Me: “And can I just see some ID with that please?”

    Customer: *hands me ID*

    Customer’s husband: “This just goes to show you that if you want to steal someone’s charge card, you’d better steal their ID, too!”

    Customer: “Yeah, but they wouldn’t look like the ID.”

    Customer’s husband: “Well, you could surgically alter your face to look like theirs.”

    Me: “That seems like an awful lot of effort to get a couple of sweatshirts.”

    Customer: “I know, at least do it and get some electronics or something!”

    Ah, Grandmothers

    , | Ohio, USA |

    (I was working in the fitting room and overheard an obviously frustrated grandmother and her 7 year old granddaughter yelling at each other.)

    Grandmother: “Put on your d*** pants!”

    Girl: “No! I don’t want to!”

    Grandmother: “1…2…3…”

    Girl: “Nooooo! I hate you!”

    Grandmother: “Well, I hate you too, so we’re even!”

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers
    Ah, Fathers
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2

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